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Every day for the past two weeks, or maybe its three, i have put off writing my personal statement and essay. i want to do an MA because i am afraid of what the future holds if i don't try to get myself further qualified than what i am. bad grammar i know.

But at the same time, i am afraid that i won't be able for it, concentration wise, memory wise and a few other things that i can't remember at the moment.

Each day comes, and i put off writing, as i am not looking forward to the actual writing, and i think i'll get up early tomorrow and do it. so every day i don't wake up until about two in the afternoon, sometimes three, occasionally four and i put it off again. i get to sleep at the latest 1am, usually 12 and i take a sedative so i am sleeping at least 12-14 hours a night and this has been going on for a year or two.

i told my psychiatrist about it and he just said set an alarm clock. Of course i set it, but i turn it off, i'm still tired. i set it for a few different times but to no avail.

But two mornings a week i can get up about 10 to make it to a volunteering spot cos they depend on me. i have something to get up for.

i just have no motivation whatsoever, the 5 other mornings of the week to get up.

i won't join an early morning class cos i hate crowds.

The thoughts of going for a walk or exercising just won't do it for me.

i am absolutely fed up of this it just gets me down. Why don't i find it important to write out my statement? i have to have it ready for mid february and need to send it elsewhere before that also.Help. Kick me up the ass.

My meds and condition are listed below.

Thnk thats all though 'll probably thnk of more later.

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Can you volunteer at that place more mornings a week?

Have you let your pdoc know the alarm clock didn't work and asked for a med adjustment?

As far as motivating you, it's going to have to be self motivation. Some things that have worked for me have included setting aside some time every day jUST for an activity, breaking the task down into small parts-- e.g., today I will writa a word map, tomorrow I will write a small paragraph, the next day I will have someone review it, etc.

Grammar and spelling can easily be fixed.

It sounds more like you're really frustrated with lack of motivation generally and afraid you will fail due to other issues. Time for a pdoc visit.

Anna

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thanks for your reply,so quick.

i've brought up this matter twice in the past with him. first time he reduced the meds, but he's reluctant to reduce them any further in case i relapse. and the second time i just took him to think i was being silly by tellvng me to set the alarm, of course i'd set it! i didn't say anything else, i gave up. So maybe you are right and i should try again. The sedative i am on is an anti depressant 15mg called zispin/remeron/mirtazapine.

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remeron can be extraordinarily sedating so you may do better on something else. Ask your pdoc about switching entirely, not just reducing doses.

Again, this may cause some destabilizatoin initially but point out to him that you aren't HAPPY with how your life is going right now.

Remember, he works for you, YOU pay his salary. I appraoch things this way with all my pdocs, and find it helps me keep the boundaries very clear.

In other words, "My pdoc is my advisor, not the boss of me!" Except that one year of forced tx and the month in the hospital after the abilify incident, heh. that sucked.

Anna

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Guest Vapourware

Sorry to hear about the issues with motivation. It can be frustrating. I'd also suggest breaking down writing the statement into small parts and working on a bit of it at a time. You can set a timer per day and say to yourself that for <x> amount of time, I'll work on a section of the statement. I've found that helps in focusing me on a task and also makes me at least write something. Sometimes a task can seem hard to do when you are looking at it as one big task, which is why it's important to break a task down into smaller, achievable blocks.

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Thanks for all the advice guys. You will be pleased to know that i have made a start on the statement. i think even writing down how i felt about approaching it really helped. taking it one step at a time.

Pdoc appointment for 9th feb so i'll talk to him then about changing meds. it was half one today.

thanks again.

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