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that one glorious day

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it is just an out-of-the-blue day when everything is in focus, you feel light on your feet, you accomplish everything with ease. not racy. "normal".

why is it only one day out of hundreds that i feel this way? why doesn't it stay? with all this treatment, i have tried for years for that "one day" to be the norm. it exists somewhere. how do you tap into it?

what is it in your make-up that causes that one day to happen? what comes together?

study me, test me, do bloodwork on a bad day. study me, test me, do bloodwork on a good day. tell me what makes the difference.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ah, man. I just had one last week! I got a lot done, I was calm, I was...wait for it...happy. Then had two massively shitty days. I was exhausted and couldn't do anything. I have been doing really well and am able to do more and more lately--getting out of the house and enjoying myself. So you start thinking that day--wow, I've reached another level of fucntioning! I cant' wait to get more things done tomorrow. This is great! At least it was the first time in a while I had been invested in the good lasting.

I have come to see those days as, well, flukes. I really have trained myself not to get too bummed out the next day when I am not doing so well. It is disappointing though.

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