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Breaking Point


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I honestly don't feel I have the capacity or will to restate everything, so to give anybody who's reading a general understanding. An accurate diagnosis and classification of myself would be: (Some form of) depression, OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disoder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Self-defeating personality disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disoder, Paranoid Personality disorder, and (some form of) psychosis/possibly developing schizophrenia. (I recognize to some extent delusional thinking and hallucinations, although am not sure if I'm actually psychotic or not. So, I would label myself as psychotic because I lack insight.)

I don't see the point in giving details, I just feel I've reached a level of mental pain and instability that nothing can be seen positively or clearly snymore. I realize my conditions could be much worse, but my threshold for suffering and emotional pain has almost been reached. Nothing provides relief, besides drugs to a degree. I feel engrossed in an abominable, horrible world with no release. Nothing helps, I just feel numb but like I'm dying at the same time. I know these feelings are very common with depression, but I can't help but feel overwhelmingly hopeless. Treatment seems limited and the thought of it makes me feel worse.

Everything is just wrong, heh. My emotions have actually been feeling less erratic lately, and more settling into this. Not sure why I'm posting here, I don't expect to find any help or support. I can't really keep it to myself anymore, but approaching doctors or family won't do any good either.

I don't know, lol.

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This website will definitely support and help you, that's what it's here for, you should sign up for an account and join us :) I've only been a member a short while but I've already gained a lot of help and advice from the nice people here.

I have a question for you though, if you've never been to a doctor (I assume this because you say approaching doctors won't help) how are you sure you have all of those diagnoses? It sounds like an awful lot for one person to suffer from. If you have seen one, why won't they help you?

And I'm really sorry you feel so depressed and like there's nothing out there to help you, but have you tried therapy? Medications? Either, or both, work really well for a lot of people, and that could be you, too. I know the first step is always the hardest, and it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't have to suffer if there are options that you haven't tried.

Regardless, I do hope you join us and find some support here, there are many willing people, including myself.

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Most of the diagnosis are verified, although some I've made myself. I hope this doesn't sound self-centered or self-pitying, I don't feel undeserving of this suffering, I do want it to stop, though. I'm reclusive and human interaction is usually unpleasant for me, I do have a therapist and a support system, this does little good, though. I'm 16 years old, I have incessant feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, which is why I'm over-articulating so much. Medications can help, artificially, but I'd rather take recreational drugs instead though if I'm going to do that. I don't really see "getting better" as possible, I don't know how anybody lives with contentment in this world. Nothing is positive or free of corruption, and I can't accept it.

I feel like a deficient, neurotic mess of a human being, and that nothing has any predestined meaning or significance. My mind and "soul", feel worn down. Nothing appeases or relieves me, EVERYTHING is adulterated or just not right in someway. I'm sure a lot of people here could relate, I don't feel that my ailment is unique or distinguishing, too much for me to bear or process, though.

Not sure why I'm posting here, if just something could bring a happy feeling in me. Uh, I feel ridiculous, lol.

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Be careful with self-diagnosing, you could be giving yourself a lot more stress and grief than you really need. I don't think you sound self-centered or pitying, it's okay to feel how you feel, it happens and sometimes there's no controlling it.

Why does the support system you have not work for you? And why do you want to take recreational drugs over medication? Recreational drugs won't cure you either, they will only mask the issues, and make matters worse. Do you have a specific reasoning for not wanting to take medications to help your MI?

You can get better, though, you may not be cured, but you can get better and live normally. It all takes very hard work, and you may fall back, but if you are willing to try, it's possible. I think a lot of what you are saying and feeling is definitely related to depression, and I'm really sorry and I understand, and I agree, many people here can relate as well and I really hope you allow people to help you, offer advice and support.

I think it's good that you're posting here, it shows that you still have some hope, you are seeking out help, even if you don't realize it. Don't feel ridiculous, it's not ridiculous at all.

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You are 16. Your brain hasn't even finished hooking up all the way, so given that IF you even have all teh dx that you say you do (which I kinda doubt) I highly doubt if you have the judgment to discern if anything is ever "positive" or "not corrupt" or whatever.

Oh, and the illegal drugs you are self medicating with are certainly not helping, either, I'm sure.

For heaven's sakes. This brings out my "I used to be just like you" angst, honey, but that doesn't stop me from saying: Grow up a little, either get help or don't.but don't endlessly agonize about it.

There are plenty of positive things and non corrupt things in life you are just too young/negative to realize it yet.

Anna

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Well, not sure why I provoked those types of responses. Most of these have been officially diagnosed, besides the personality disorders. I'm sorry if my post irritated or bothered anybody here, but it does feel like my mental distress is being undermined and invalidated when these problems are attributed to my age and development. I'm sure some of it's exacerbated by that, but I'm at a point where I don't really feel pleasure or think straight anymore. I don't know anything about my own reality and the world is starting to seem like a truly malevolent and disgusting place. I don't see much for my future, and I've already done things that have invariably fucked me over in that aspect.

As mundane as this sounds, it feels like it's beyond an adolescent existential crisis or "angst". Sorry if I'm taking anything the wrong way here or sound self-important, I realize all of you are struggling with a lot and some of you enduring things much worse. It's much more complicated then this, I've been receiving psychiatric help for the past few years and I've only been declining. Whenever my personal problems are expressed it's met with dismissive responses and indifference, this is extremely frustrating. Sorry, I don't think that's what anybody here was trying to do, and I don't want to give a bad impression in my first thread. The list of diagnosis was only meant to give an idea of what's bothering me without going into details.

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It's not that... It's that you are needing help and sort of saying "nothing will help me' at the same time. There are things that can and Will help you. Meds. Therapy. putting down the drugs.

And it's not JUST that you are 16. I was an unmedicated, drug abusing, undiagnosed mentally ill person and it sucks.

get more help.

Anna

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Sorry, I'm quick to feel antagonized and probably misunderstood you. I agree with what you're saying and am participating in treatment currently, but I'm overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness and doom. I feel unable to accept the problems and indecency of the world and humanity. Even if I could improve my mental state, I still feel stuck in a miserable world full of other malicious, dishonest people and things I guess. Being isolated also interferes with my sense of proportion and what's considered normal/unhealthy, positive/negative. Just feel like my mind's breaking down, I really don't want to come off as unfriendly or self-absorbed in anyway, I also want to give support to anybody I can here and be as helpful as possible.

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