Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Sign in to follow this  
PSmith4630

"Biggest Loser"?

Recommended Posts

Wow. Reading your initial post, I feel a lot of empathy and some sympathy. I'm 33, lost my virginity at 17, and have had maybe 20 partners, all in relationships. But for whatever reason, casual sex eludes me. Either that or I just keep accidentally turning everything into a relationship. I am definitely of the serial monogomous ilk too, which sucks because I've just about had it with serious relationships.

At any rate, my suggestion is similar to Ldo's, which is to find your social self. Start where you are. Get involved in things that YOU are interested in. That's the key. Build up social circles around your own passions. Even introverts can do this. But if you're like me (tested many times as right in the middle of introvert/extrovert), you always want to push yourself to make things more social, no matter how much your own nature causes you to isolate (like me). As you build a social life, you build a more solid sense of who you are. And that solid self is what is needed to make the connection that will then get you laid.

I don't agree with all these wild oats suggestions, not because I'm against random, undescriminating, casual sex (I'm all for it if you're unattached and single and that's what you want to do). But it sounds like, just like me, if you could just do that, you would. Casual sex really isn't that much easier than relationship sex if your self-esteem and dating skills are low. Although prostitutes are always an option, assuming you don't want your first time to be special at all. Remember though: always wear at least one condom.

The way to get laid, casual or not, is to have confidence, be relaxed, and know that you have something going on. If you don't know this, you can't possibly be confident and relaxed without taking horse tranquilizers or some shit, and this is really not the long-term solution it seems to be. So you need to figure out what you've got going on. That's all.

Some of the things you probably don't know, since you haven't been in relationships or had sex, are that for every possible way you could have something going on, there are girls that are into that. Some things appeal to more girls than others, and are sort of universal. Like being physically fit, taking pride in your appearance, being able to listen, being funny, smart, etc. All of these things you can improve no matter who you are. Other things are special about you, and it's real easy to overlook them when no one is reminding you that they're unique or special.

On a totally unrelated note -- Becca I increasingly believe you have the soul of a writer. Hell I'll write you a recommendation. Prof. Jemini. Also you're kinda turning me on in some hard to pin down way. But like in a platonic, non-harassing, not-about-to-be-silenced-by-the-mods kinda way.

Oh one other tip: take an acting class. You will be amazed at yourself. Not only will you be good at it, but you'll meet a bunch of single girls who will be impressed and will flirt with you. It'll be like Easter in Rome. I am not joking.

Oh and Becca don't be dissing Drew.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not dissing Drew (although I find her to be pretty frumpy, myself).  But she's so far removed from what an actual voluptuous woman looks like.  She's what.... MAYBE a size 8?  MAYBE.  In my book, that's pretty effin' skinny.

I guess that's the culture we live in, though. 

And since my CrazyBoards job is official knob twiddler, I had better be turning people on.  HAHAHAHA.

(I don't take compliments well so I have to pretend like I didn't get one.  It's the only way!)

As for the actual topic at hand, Jemini is right.  It takes all kinds.  There are as many different kinds of women out there as there are actual women, and they're all looking for something different.  I think the best advice is to figure out what kind of person you are and be that person.  As stupid as that advice is... it's the only thing that really works.  I've been in "relationships" where the person didn't like me, they liked this different person they thought I was... and it wasn't fulfilling in any way.

The last guy I was really interested in is a 22 year old who is either a virgin or very sexually inexperienced (he jokes about it so I can never tell which) 7th-year college senior turned recent dropout who gets up at 8 am so as not to miss out on his online gaming.  Why do I like him?  Because he's the smartest person I know, he has this amazing wry sense of humor, a well developed sense of righteous indignation, and he looks really cute in his glasses.  He was actually not interested at all in me and I moved on and now we're pretty good friends... but like I said... whatever is special about you, there is someone out there who will really appreciate and love it.  My last serious boyfriend was a complete loser except for his complete earnestness for everything, and that alone kept me with him for almost 2 years. 

Now let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Although prostitutes are always an option, assuming you don't want your first time to be special at all. Remember though: always wear at least one condom.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you put one condom on over another condom, the friction will cause microscopic tears.  Just one condom.  With spermicide.

This concludes your Sex Ed class for today.

~CS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Although prostitutes are always an option, assuming you don't want your first time to be special at all. Remember though: always wear at least one condom.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you put one condom on over another condom, the friction will cause microscopic tears.  Just one condom.  With spermicide.

This concludes your Sex Ed class for today.

~CS

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

or just stand a little farther apart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Although prostitutes are always an option, assuming you don't want your first time to be special at all. Remember though: always wear at least one condom.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you put one condom on over another condom, the friction will cause microscopic tears.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with much of what Jemini wrote, and want to clarify that I'm not necessarily advocating sexual promiscuity.  I do understand, however, your need to do this, and that makes the advice about protection absolutely critical. 

I'm not sure I concur, though, that dating skills are simply a matter of "being yourself".  There are codes of social interaction with which I, for one, am clueless.  But the fact that they are "skills" means that they can be learned.  Plenty of people out there who are fake as a four-dollar bill are getting laid right and left because they have the right social skills.  It may not be fulfilling for them, but they're nonetheless getting laid.  It may take an experience of the meaningless kind to help you understand whether you can even do that, or whether, like Jemini, you're going to automatically try to convert such encounters into relationships.

And, if you find that the experience leaves you feeling empty, then it may change your focus to searching for an actual relationship in which the sex is merely one facet.

God save us from biology, I say.

Cerberus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm. I should clarify a couple things, partly for my own sake.

I actually have never *started* a relationship with sex. Though I have on occasion got into a relationship pretty fast. I guess I was being completely facetious actually; I don't have sex on the first date, no matter how much I might like to. I'm just relationshippy. Too earnest and emotionally connective. Or to look deeper, it's only with some sort of emotional connection that I drop my gaurd enough to even possibly get laid. I'd love to change this.

If I sounded like I was saying you just need to be yourself, I wasn't. In fact I could've sworn I was taking issue with others saying this. But I do think that social skills largely come from social experiences, and that dating is an experience you can only really learn *positive* things from if you believe in yourself. At least as much as you believe in this relative stranger you're trying to date or whatever.

I'm kinda incoherent today apparently.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I *am* saying be yourself!  So there!

But I will admit that I don't think I know what I'm talking about.  I don't think it's the same at all for women, in regards to getting laid.  I think it's much easier for us... because of society or biology or whatthefuckever. 

I guess I'm confused as to whether we're giving him earnest date advice or just tips on how to get a girl to open her legs.  I don't have any advice for the latter because I'm easy as pie, so basically all you have to do is show up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

amen to all that

and yeah, i never got the "conquest" thing. the reason to have sex is to have sex. not to prove something. or, i suppose, to make more people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

amen to all that

and yeah, i never got the "conquest" thing. the reason to have sex is to have sex. not to prove something. or, i suppose, to make more people.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

To make more people do what? ;)   Sorry, couldn't pass that up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But I've decided that the ideal would be a relationship.  And if I do wind up jumping into a relationship with the first woman who feels the same way about me as I do about her, what am I gonna miss out on?  I'd be gettin' some, which is a helluva lot more than I can say now. 

You strike me as a very intelligent, compassionate person and that is attractive.  IMO there is nothing wrong with "jumping into a relationship" but I would hold off on the legal stuff (IE a marriage license) until having been w/ her for at least a year.

I'll be honest, things can go wrong YEARS after tying the knot so WTF. Just apply due diligence and caution in all things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest prefers to remain
But I've decided that the ideal would be a relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This weight thing gets a bit silly. You might be surprised what your real taste is, as opposed to your taste in pictures. My new s.o. wouldn't tell me what she weighed until I guessed, and my guess was WAY under. Wise of her, I think, as the real number might have given me pause. (but being with her makes me want to paw....)

I think a lot of times wanting to be a loner is partly a defense. I don't mean that everyone wants to flit from party to party, but that one might appreciate a couple of close friends and an s.o. if still given just a bit of space now and then. But that requires social skills, which is a problem for many of us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've gone through something *somewhat* similar in that I didn't kiss any boys until I was older than most other people where when they had their first kiss.  Although I have had sex and dated several people, I've never gotten over the immense insecurity I have about kissing, especially a first kiss with someone.  I always feel like I'm "catching up" to everyone else, even now 13 years after my first kiss.  (It didn't help that the first boy I kissed told my friend I was a bad kisser *blushes*)

Anyway, I would say that your best bet is to meet a sweet, understanding girl who won't mind helping usher you into the world of sex.  Some girls would probably think it was very sweet, actually.  What you want to be careful of is sharing the info. with someone who might make you feel bad about it.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, I would just say that you want to share your status (virgin) with someone who is going to be kind and sensitive about it.  I hope that helps!

(Now can someone help me with my first kiss anxiety???!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...