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i'm sorry Nautilus, that sounds terrible :(

i haven't cut for many years now, but it used to be a problem for me. i work with food for a living, and have to use knives a lot. last year, i cut myself rather badly at work by accident. i found i had the same over-reaction you describe, and it REALLY surprised me. i remember being surprised, too, that the blood and such was bothering me to that extent all of a sudden. and it took months to stop thinking about it (though each day it got a little less). i thought i was coming unglued for a little while. ever since then i've been extra cautious. if i cut myself now while cooking, i still get little "flashbacks" to not only that last (minor really) accident, but to the last time i cut on purpose as well (which was also deeper than intended and messy). my brain ties them together now.

so it's not just you. for better or worse, i could NEVER purposefully do this again. weird as that is for someone who once did it to feel better. i think i'd faint.

glad venting about it helped. i probably should have at the time but i was SO embarrassed...

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I used to cut myself only on my outer left wrist, probably because I'm right-handed. Other areas of my body just didn't feel as satisfying for some reason, so I stuck with that area for the most part. So a cut on that particular spot would definitely remind me of my past, for sure. I think anything revolving around whatever your routine used to be will be a trigger. I find that thinking a lot about "why" exactly you were triggered when it happens helps a lot in getting through it.

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