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Where's My Sense of Humor?


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I always sort of lack skills for small talk and things like that, but I pride myself on sometimes having the wickedest sense of humor. It didn't always happen but I knew when I started treatment that it was probably some sort of state I was in with a chemical imbalance. I would feel like I was on something, and suddenly I would be chatty and I would be really funny. It was always like I was holding my breath then breathing, how you feel when that happens. It didn't feel right but I loved for it to happen because otherwise I just don't have enough to say, I am humorless or too self-conscious to try to be funny. In those states I didn't feel inhibited.

Is this just me? I'm dx with Bipolar II and my states or whatever don't last long periods of time (my manic-type states, my depression can last forever). I miss feeling like that, although I think I could get a bit obnoxious.

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My mixed manic periods last a long time. And "pure" depression or OCD/depression tends to follow. Or maybe the OCD is a tincture of the mania, I don't know.

I like to make jokes all the time, except for my depressive periods. The manic difference is that it doesn't matter (to me) whether I'm really funny or not -- because I'm feeling so good. Then, when I come down I'm embarrassed because I seem to be able to remember every detail.

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I was funnier pre-diagnosis. But my joke-cracking days are fewer now. I think it's partly the medication, and partially due to the fact I'm not manic or have serious nervous energy from my untreated anxiety.

But my "life of the party" attitude is gone and I lost a couple of friends who couldn't deal with the new me. Sucked for awhile, but I've gotten over it.

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