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Guest kelly 01

Well I feel utterly patheic and very down after centain events last nights. This lead to me walking around in london in PJ and being barefoot must of looked a right nutter. I guess in many ways I am a nutter who is very patheic young girl. A young girl of 19 who cuts herself and destroys herself. I cut myself for the first time in a week I know that isn't a long time at all but i was pround of myself. It all started when speaking to my ex (mike) on Skype and then on the phone, on skype we got into the coverstion of loving each other. I said I love you and his reply was thank you which really hurt me. This changed to I love you a bit this hurt me even more. I said this hurt me and he was like love changes. I know this is patheic, but I feel stupid speaking to anyone else than others which is bad. I did call someone last night which helped calm me down. I just wanted to hurt myself which is why I went around london in that state......I just think some times I have gone completly insane, which scares me so much. I'm scared that I will do something very stupid. Maybe it is just me being stupid but I have been in such a dark place of late but I don't really why which is a problem. This seems to happen when I speak to him all the fucking time tbh, but i really love him so i hope you don't think I'm a sad little girl. After the skype coverstion I ended up calling him in tears over the love thing which ended up in a argument. He ended up blocking my number which upsets me even more as I just feel like I'm a big fuck up.

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kelly, it sounds like this relationship is over on his end. You have to take his number off your cell phone, stop calling him, and start your life again without him. He doesn't want a relationship with you and he's made that pretty clear.

If you feel that you are a danger to yourself, please go to an Emergency Room and tell them that. You are NOT a fuck-up: you are ill and you need treatment.

Things aren't hopeless and I promise you that they can get better. Just hang on long enough to see a counselor or therapist. You are just as valuable as any of us here, even though you don't believe that right now.

I hope you will get some help.

olga

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Guest kelly o1

the problem he keeps telling he wants me...we sort of have a slut master releaship. I completly understand the adive everytime we see each we sleep together. It isnt that easy but i will try. Thank u. I went to the doc and they want me to go on stronger pills. I jist feel lonely and hopless. Thank u

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It's not hopeless, Kelly, and I hope you don't give up.

I have no problem with role-playing in sex, but as a fierce feminist, I can't imagine referring to myself as a slut and having a master rule over me sexually. There's nothing wrong with that if it is just a role, but if it becomes reality, I am concerned about your feelings of self-worth.

I hope you will see a therapist some day. The pills alone don't do everything.

sympathetically,

olga

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I hope you can get therapy over this issue too, and not let this person abuse you in this fashion. It IS emotional abuse. most 'slut master" role plays in healthy rels have rules and what you describe do nto sound like a part of them. It sounds more like he is a garden variety asshole to me.

I hope you can stay safe and be well, best, Anna

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Guest kelly o1

the issue is it is reality sort of, it gotton to the point of me sleeping with many man and getting paid. The money we share i guess i do this to make him happy. I don't know if it is abuse it starting to feel like it which scares me. As my mother was abused.physically

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Hi Kelly,

A good dom/sub relationship will involve a degree of respect and care for each other, rather than this kind of manipulation and abuse. It's not a healthy relationship if he is profiting from prostituting you out to other men.

What support do you have in your life, do you have any trusted family or friends in London? I'm concerned that you need the help of other people to feel safer and reduce the self harm. Have you got a local branch of the Samaritans that you could visit? They will be able to refer you onto other organizations that could also help you. If you want me to look up some groups that might help you as a young person in London, I can do that, I'm in the UK too.

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Alone in London: (relevant to all London Boroughs) 020 7278 4224(Advice line from 2pm-4pm) 188 Kings Cross Road, London WC1X,www.als.org.uk - Provides advice, advocacy, housing, family mediation, employment and training opportunities for young people aged 16-25 years. There are seven projects for young homeless people with low to medium support needs

Alone in London provides four main services:

  • The Family Mediation Service: is used to assist in resolving family conflict. Young people are supported in returning home or helped with practical arrangements for leaving home in a planned way. They provide a safe and confidential place for young people to talk about their family difficulties. They can help young people to contact and send messages to their family. They support young people who are still at home or at school, as well as those who have already run away and who have not had contact with their families for several years.
  • Supported Housing Project: Prepares young people for living independently, in a safe and supportive environment.
  • Advice and Advocacy: provides practical and emotional support to vulnerable young people whoa re homeless as well as advocating, supporting, representing and informing them of their legal and statutory entitlements.
  • Training and employment: assists young people with cvs, interview skills, job placement and training opportunities.




    Connection At St.Martins: (relevant to all London boroughs) 020 7766 5544, www.connection-at-stmartins.org.uk - Provides an outreach and drop in service offering advice, support and advocacy on health, drugs, alcohol, sexual health, sexuality, homelessness, housing, benefits, education and careers. There are also youth work services and a doctor's surgery. Also practical facilities such as showers, an information technology suite and a subsidised cafeteria. Support is available for young people looking for accommodation. Ages 16-25 years.




    SASH (Survivors of Abuse and Self Harm): Send sae for enquiries - 20 Lackmore Road, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 4PB, emailsashpen@aol.com - Offer support, friendship and understanding. Allows those who self harm to communicate their feelings and thoughts on a one to one basis in writing. Free membership £5 annual fee for quarterly newsletter.




    SupportLine Telephone Helpline: 01708 765200, emailinfo@supportline.org.uk - Provides emotional support and details of agencies, counsellors, helplines, support groups across the UK.

    Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre: 08451 221331,www.rasasc.org.uk - Helpline support and information for survivors of rape or childhood sexual abuse through UK. Face to face counselling Croydon and surrounding areas.

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It is not at all strange to be in an abusive situation and not know it, or to be in confusion/denial about the abuse....

if you had a little sister, would you want her to be in a relationship such as this? Or a daugher/friend you cared deeply about? try thinking of it in these terms and see what you come up with....

Anna

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Guest kelly 01

Well I have a younger sister who I love greatly and now I'm thinking about it. No I wouldn't want her having this, I would want her having a bf who loved her and treated her nicely. However when I think about this connected to me it is a very different matter, mm that i deserve this kind of treatment but I don't know. I think I only did it to show him I love him which is the same reason that I slept with him. God this makes me feel fucked up. I have only recently moved up here in the last couple of months (4 months) so I have made some friends and I have one or two trusted friends. I am still in the process of trying to make friends which isn't going too badly. Thank u.

Update

Well i spoke to him last night about many things , SI which he hates and dating, this wasn't the best thing. As I found out that he has has found someone to date already (we broke up before christmas) this upset me so much and lead to another session of self harming on my wrist and legs. I just fucking hate myself right now but I feel like I cant get myself out of this fucking dark place

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