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minor crisis point


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so I used to be on this site a long time ago, but I've been scared to come back because I've been gone so long and I thought I was better...then I made the stupid horrible decision of going off my meds (it was only half my choice, I lost my insurance, but I didn't find another way to afford my scripts) and now I'm pretty low. I'm really, really close to harming. I was so close to two years safe, and then I had a minor relapse and it started to escalate, like it always does, and now I'm back on the wagon (6 days safe) but tonight is a really low point and none of my instead-things are working.

I'm so scared of what I might do. Can't throw out my tools yet, I've got first aid stuff just in case something happens but I need to stay safe because I can't fall as far as I did two years ago.

I need to get back into therapy, but I can't afford it and I don't have insurance right now. I'm scared to try and get back on my parent's insurance because of my preexisting condition (the crazy, which I think was misdiagnosed anyway) and if I push really hard to get back on they'll know something's wrong...they only have a rough idea of what goes on with me and have no idea about the SI. My sisters both need so much more right now (one a single mother, the other just had a baby) and I just can't open my mouth to say I need help again.

I don't know what you can do about it...I just needed someone to hear what's going on, understand it, to not let me feel so alone. No one remembers me on the board, I'm sure, but I still take some comfort from knowing understanding eyes will see this, that I'm not the only one fighting right now.

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Hi,

Sorry things are so hard. Why don't you log in or join up again so you can get some support here?

There's a list of more instead things pinned at the top of the SI boards could you try some of those?

I don't know much about insurance where you live but somebody else might have some advice.

Hang in there.

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I dont know what your meds were before you lost insurance, but older TCAs and such can be cheap as dirt if youre in a pinch.

SSRIs are a bit more expensive even old ones like prozac. I think I paid 100$/mo when I had no insurance.

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How much do you make a month? Could you apply for medicaid? If you don't make very much you could probably get accepted and whatnot

Otherwise, TCA's are worth a try, like the person suggested, and a lot of generic psych meds are available in the 3 dollar category, especially older ADs, at places like target... just check a list.

Otherwise I'd say join up. Chat is available 24-7. Its not always active but it'd always be at least worth trying to talk through stuff.

Do you have a county mental health place close? They oofffer sliding scales and sometimes free pdocs/tdocs.

It might be worth a try to see what you'd pay.

Just call tell them your income.

Etc.

If you join I could help you find some resources. All you'd have to do is PM me.

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Hi,

Many of our members move on and come back, it's not a defeat to say that you feel that you want to come back. We don't feel that people who leave are 'better' somehow, people just get better and move on and that is okay.

In the short term, we have resources pinned at the top of this board for preventing self harm, getting rid of your kit but keeping the first aid bits might be an idea. I'd challenge the idea that your parents wouldn't want to help, even with two other daughters in need, any good parent wouldn't want one of their kids to struggle out of pride or a fear of rejection. If you're in crisis, you need some help, let them help you.

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i'd agree with trying to find cheap, low cost providers in your area. this can be surprisingly easy once you really get going with it... And joining back up and actively participating would be a good idea.

i'm sorry you lost you insurance. If there was a particular med that worked well that is expensive, it might be best to go the patient assistance route if the drug company has one and you qualify.

Good luck,

Anna

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