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got really upset this morning...


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can't stand feeling like i am on auto-pilot but nothing will change that in the immediate future...

doctor won't up the dosage or change my anti-depressants even when i told him about the cutting...

i cut for the first time at work on thursday... i mean... wtf?

watched a program called Laura Hall: My Battle with Booze and she was covered in scars on her arms, the program really broke my heart...

am i going mad? am i doing this because i am mad?

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Hun... do you have a therapist?

Cutting does not necessarily mean you need your meds changed.

If you are depressed and thats why you are doing it, then you need to say you are depressed.

I would talk with your therapist. If she thinks it is more than a therapy issue, then have her talk to you psychiatrist.

Also, why do you cut? Is it anxiety? stress relief? Figuring that out can be helpful to stopping.

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I don't think cutting makes you "mad," it just means you haven't found a better way to deal with the pain you are experiencing inside. You haven't found a better coping mechanism, as it's called. You are most likely doing this because the mental pain you have is too much, whether it's your depression or like ChemistryExperiment mentioned, anxiety or stress, it all hurts, and it I know cutting can relieve that, but it's only for a moment, it will never truly fix it, never. It can be very difficult and very hard to stop, especially on your own.

I really hope you have a therapist, I think they can help a lot if you can find a match. The one that prescribes you meds generally isn't going to be able to listen to all your issues and help you the way a therapist can, that's what they're for. If you don't already have one and have the means, I really urge you to find one.

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In my opinion, for some or even many people, cutting is similar to throwing things or clenching your fists when you're angry. Of course, that would apply mostly to people who use it to control their emotions, while many other people use it when they feel "empty, "numb", etc, which sounds like it may be your case? If so, I find that many people who feel empty and on autopilot, as you say, will try new things to try and stimulate themselves. And also, since these feelings may also be accompanied by feeling apathetic, you will be more likely to go through with it. It doesn't mean you are crazy at all - it is simply a coping mechanism, which everyone has, albeit one that is considered harmful and negative, similarly to many other coping mechanisms. Think of something else you may do to cope with negative situations - self-harm is like that, it just has a lot more stigma than others, even for a negative one.

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