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How do you know who you can put your trust in and who you can't?


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even though i don't really know any of you, i "trust" some of the people on this site. so i ask how do you know what kind of people can't be trusted versus those who can be trusted? who will hurt or manipulate and who won't? do you think there's any way of knowing right from the start - body language, eyes, the way they make you feel, "vibes"? vibes and feelings don't seem to be sufficient enough, for me at least. i wouldn't have myself always lack trust in any and all people, concepts and myself. ironic that i would say myself since trust issues can stem from self centeredness in others

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even though i don't really know any of you, i "trust" some of the people on this site. so i ask how do you know what kind of people can't be trusted versus those who can be trusted? who will hurt or manipulate and who won't? do you think there's any way of knowing right from the start - body language, eyes, the way they make you feel, "vibes"? vibes and feelings don't seem to be sufficient enough, for me at least. i wouldn't have myself always lack trust in any and all people, concepts and myself. ironic that i would say myself since trust issues can stem from self centeredness in others

sometimes it becomes obvious pretty quickly with some people because their idiots and not good at hiding it. I don't worry about the fools; the ones who concern me are the shrewdies who can cover it up. Some of the worst people are also some of the most charming and seductive ones you'll ever meet. Fortunately time will usually sort the wheat from the chaff-but in that time frame a lot of suffering can occur.

Colin

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I agree with Colin. Some people are so obviously dodgy you know straight away but a lot of them you just have to get to know over a long period of time and things will come up that will test your relationship and prove their loyalty and good character.

A lot of people have antisocial traits and a lot of them are cunning and seductive. You only see their true nature once the knife is firmly lodged in your back.

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I certainly don't know by instinct, especialy being on the autistic spectrum.

Both the honest man and the con-man will say "It's OK, you can trust me."

But only the second will rapidly turn to a wonderful story, proposition, offer... requiring you to act on that trust.

Often with very convincing tone, body-language etc. It's their skill.

Thought and detached analysis can be your friends as much, if not more, than "gut feelings".

But, bottom line: why trust anybody, unreservedly, unless its needful?

Build up mutual trust over time, over small things. The reliable and honest ones tend to show, after a while.

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Thought and detached analysis can be your friends as much, if not more, than "gut feelings".

But, bottom line: why trust anybody, unreservedly, unless its needful?

thought and analysis can be helpful but only if you're of clear mind. when you have a lot of feelings or are depressed it's hard to think clearly and i can tell by how i react to certain thoughts. perhaps with paranoia, so i lose my trust in my thoughts. instead i rely more on gut feelings then. but sometimes the thoughts then interrupt those feelings "why rely on something that has failed you in the past?" or something like that. although i'm avoidant when it comes to a lot of social related things i am still a social person. also knowing others helps you better know yourself. in my case it really is necessary for forming a sense of perspective on things.

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I can't claim in the slightest that I have a good balanced approach to emotions and feelings but, at least for me, when they are shouting at their loudest is exactly when I most need to step back and be analytical, and that's exactly the time when it is most difficult to do so.

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