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Tonight, I felt no hope........

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Tonight I truly felt no hope. Life has been shit for about a year. I've shared some of that in other forums on this board.

Tonight it just hit me like a ton of bricks.....I have lost any sense of hope for some kind of happiness.

I smile and am kind to others....its felt like a charade for a long time. My closest friend tells me to DO anything

to take my mind off of how I feel. Hell, how I feel is always with me, no matter what.

I just want to dump all of the meds down the toilet as I honestly don't think they are doing much for me.

Many times I feel like I want to end it.

All of this from a man in his early 40's....a fu$*ing prime time in living!

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How long have you been dealing with BP? Have you found anything that helps?

I've been living with it for most of my life....just not diagnosed until over a year ago. I really can't say that I have found

anything that really helps.....maybe I'm looking for the meds to be a magic bullet. They just don't seem to do

much and I am on a load of them.

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I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea why? Something that could be changed.. anything?

No.....can't be changed. I lost a great assignement (I'm in the ministry) as well as my reputation by

making a stupid mistake....shoplifting.. Lots of people stand behind me....but a vocal group doesn't.

I was not on any meds but a high dosage of Zoloft which my pdoc, in retrospect , said was a causal

factor in reckless behavior.

Otherwise, I have just been sprialing downwards even though I've traded off meds.

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Maybe more than causal. I would definitely say it contributed to what happened. It doesn't change anything, what happened happened. But it does mean that it may have not been all your fault.. there was an underlying condition pushing you that way.

Would you like to talk in chat? Is seems we're both on at the same time..

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