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Hi fellow mentally interesting people

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Just thought I would stop in and say hello. I'm getting ready to embark in getting back on meds after several months of no money no insurance and thought I would find a good place to vent about well, life in general at times.

I finally gave up on working in 2008 and applied for SSDI and the judge said yes at the hearing. Now I'm just waiting for medicare to kick in so I can finally go back to the doctors and try to get my meds working so I might actually be able to at least be semi functional in life and maybe someday go back to work. Right now thinking about going back to work makes me physically ill but one never knows what can happen if I happen to finally find the right med cocktail.

My MI history started when I was a very young adult with my first total depressive crash. Through my teen years I dealt with a really messed up abusive home with drugs and alcohol and when I took my coping mechanism away from myself really crashed and burned. Throughout my 20's and 30's I would go to the doctors when I would get really depressed, they'd give me an AI and low and behold life was better than perfect in no time, at least until I totally sabotaged myself by doing completely irrational, outragous things. That list of things is oh so long and would take me hours to even list, some highlights include - buying cars, moving from state to state, kicking my husband out of the house because he would try to stop me from doing whatever the current fixated thing at time was, spending every penny of anything we had landing in is not one but two bankruptcies and ending up owing the IRS over 30k.

Finally when I was about 36ish a doctor finally sat down and got real detailed in all of my behaviors. He didn't just go by the previous diagnosis's I had been given of PTSD, Major Depression (chronic and recurrent) and Anxiety. He gave me a BP diagnosis and it's gone back and forth between BPI and BP II ever since. The last Pdoc I saw says that I have a lot of boderline traits as well and thinks that needs to be added to the list of all the other things that are wrong with my brain.

So, I am now at a point where I can finally focus on me. Not working and knowing that there will be some income coming in is a huge stress reduction that I have never had before. I always tried to keep it together and work but after 30+ jobs and being fired more than 24 times I'm ready to not do that again for a bit and try to fix whats broke. At least to a point where I might actually be able to take care of living day to day. I think that this site might actually be a good source of information and support while getting there someday.

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Hey there. Welcome to CB. I don't think you'll feel like the odd one out. In fact, you sound like you'll fit in just fine.

It would be awesome to feel like I'm not the "odd one out" somewhere. I've felt that way for as long as I can remember! Thanks for the welcomes folks. It's been a very stressful couple of months, just hoping to get through until I get all the details of medicare straightened out and can at least get some ativan and maybe back on Seroquel so I can sleep again. Love hate relationship with that seroquel. I can sleep but have to go get some bigger pants :-)

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Welcome to the site!

It sounds like you've had quite the time of things.... I'm so glad you got approved for SSI and have a chance to get some things straightened out and together. Hopefully medicare will kick in soon for you and you'll get back on meds.

I too think you will fit in just fine. I was on SSDI and out of gainful employment for a couple years for my bipolar after working my whole life. I have to say that my total crash and burn, then dedicating some real time to getting my shit straight was just the best thing I could ever have done for myself. I'm back working full time and more functional than I have EVER been....

The good news is, SSI has a GREAT return to work program (I used it) and you can get tons of support along the way and keep your medical benefits once you get them for a long time. They also will put you back on SSI no questions asked as part of their return to work program if you crash and burn. It's a really good program, so I hope someday once you are more stable, that works out for you.

Welcome, and enjoy the site!


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Hello and welcome.

You are spot on in your description of us.

I'm so mentally interesting that Oxford University want my brain when I've finished with it. Honest!

And I'm also trying to work back towards getting back to work after a major mental crash.

No, I'm not going to play disorder "Top Trumps".

Again, welcome.


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