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Lack of friends growing up- caused my anxiety problems?


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Ok - I was watching a show on TV and a parent was telling this other parent that her children are going to "suck at life" because they don't have any friends. This other parent homeschooled her 2 kids who were Middle school and High school age, and the other parent was criticizing her because of this.

I think that's one of the main roots of my anxiety problems, since I was in Elementary school I haven't had any friends, I gave up trying to make friends when I was in the 6th grade- about 11 years old. I've always been a social outcast, even as a child. Now I'm 27 years old and I'm bad at life, I haven't had any friends since like age 11 , I've never had a job-but I just started looking for work, I live with my parents, I dropped out of college and left a huge debt, I've never been in a romantic relationship, I'm obese. I'm frustrated at myself because there's so much I want to do. It just feels like something's missing in my brain that other people have, and I think this has to do with completely avoiding my peers when I was in Middle and High school, and because of this total lack of friends growing up I lack social and life abilities that everyone else has. It's like everyone else is socially developed and I'm not, at all.

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Hi,

I'm going to see a new mental health counselor tomorrow. For the past several months I saw a counselor who wasn't helping me. She just told me I should lose weight (I'm obese) to increase my confidence and go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting to help meet people and get support and friends. That is the only advice she ever gave me about this problem. My sister went to a few OA meetings and said they didn't help her with her overeating problems.

I don't have a job and so don't have health insurance so seeing a decent or good MHealth counselor is hard, and I was referred to this new one through my government public health department.

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...went to a few OA meetings and said they didn't help her with her overeating problems.

OA is not an attend a few meetings and be cured program. It is a program that requires dedication and commitment and years of meetings. I know someone who has been "working the steps" for about 30 years. She lost 130 pounds by being committed to the program and she has kept that original lost weight at bay for all these years.

OA is not a program for everyone, but dismissing it because your sister went to a few meetings and her eating problems did not vanish is neither a valid reason nor an excuse.

Do you follow a sensible dietary regime? Do you exercise regularly? Do you keep a food and an exercise diary? Have you enlisted a friend or family member to exercise with? Exercising does not necessarily require a gym membership or special clothing. A pair of sturdy walking shoes and an hour a day, when combined with healthy eating habits, can result in a weight decrease in short order.

Not being currently employed get out in the fresh air and walking briskly can pretty much be done at your convenience. Depending on where you live mid-morning or mid-afternoon are good times to get out and get moving.

Whether or not your lack of childhood friends is the foundation of your current anxiety is, or so it seems, secondary to learning to manage anxiety and walking right into the middle of a healthy lifestyle.

Good luck, Indigo

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I'd agree that going to a few OA meetings then dismissing it as "not working" isn't really all that helpful. for some people, OA works great.

There are also other options for weight loss, but they all require commitment, dedication, and motivation to succeed. OA can be a great support during this process.

Anna

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I was also obese as a young man. I weighed 270 lbs. at 16. In my early thirties I made up my mind to do something about it. I have wieghed 180 lbs (I'm 6'1") for 20 years. It is like being an alchoholic maybe worse because you still have to deal with food. But even if you decide to stay fat thats cool-but do one or the other. The indecisive thing will get you nowhere. A lot of very fat people are popular and have great social lives-so really you do need to address that problem-the social one for sure and being fat is really no excuse not to.

Colin

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