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Am I On My Way To Anorexia?


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I just can't eat....

For the past three weeks i have kept my caloric intake to less than 300 calories a day.

I can't recall the last time I have taken in any protein.

It's been 3 days since I have taken in any solid food, even candy.

I have stopped eating Mentos because they contain 10 calories each.

I only drink diet soda.

I'm scared.

I always feel fat, and I think getting thin is such an achievement.

But I feel so alert, so much friendlier when I haven't eaten.

My sex drive is down though, and my cold tolerance is down too...

I can't sleep at night.

I've lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks.

I've researched this, and I think I have all the signs and symptoms.

I am also SCHIZOAFFECTIVE. could this be just a phase? or should i call my pdoc right away?

ETA:

I also throw away food that they make me eat.

I cry when my friends make me eat food.

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No. It would be one thing if you just didn't have an appetite. But you're purposly limiting your cals to the point of fasting to loose weight. Also 20lbs in two weeks is not healthy. If you continue like this, you won't be becoming anorexic - you'll be anorexic. If you're not already.

You need to seek help for this immediately before this gets so ingrained that you can't stop.

Edit: It's not in my sig, but I'm EDNOS - so I know what I'm talking about. Also egg whites are only 16cal and full of protein. Eat some - your body needs it.

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I'm scared....

I admit... I am hesitant to seek help because they will make me regain the weight I lost...

Part of me doesn't want to get help, part of me is screaming that I am close to the danger zone.

I just had "breakfast."

Meaning, while the maid wasn't looking, I flushed the cereal down the toilet bowl.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so terrified and confused.

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I'm scared....

I admit... I am hesitant to seek help because they will make me regain the weight I lost...

Part of me doesn't want to get help, part of me is screaming that I am close to the danger zone.

I just had "breakfast."

Meaning, while the maid wasn't looking, I flushed the cereal down the toilet bowl.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so terrified and confused.

Whether or not they make you gain weight depends on where your weight falls for your height. Take a look at this:

bmi-chart.png

If you're in the blue, you need to gain some or all of it back. You don't have to apologize. Just realize that you definitely are getting to the danger zone (for weight), or already are depending on where your BMI falls. In regards to anorexia you are in the danger zone. You do need to seek help. This is already getting out of control, and you absolutely don't want to stay on this track. It's very dangerous. You can get through this, but you need adequate support.. much moreso than can be provided here.

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Oh, and being made to gain weight is usually when you go off to a program. Doctors will give you time to help yourself and only force you into something if they believe you are a danger to yourself. Depending on how bad off you are, you may or may not need to go somewhere.

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Oh.. I am not underweight yet...

But I guess i should not wait for it...

I'll try to fight against my head and talk to my pdoc..

Will update.

Thank you..

That's good to hear. Yes, being proactive is the best thing to do in this situation.. Definitely talk to your pdoc/tdoc about this. I'm happy that you've decided to. Yes, please do keep me updated.

You're welcome.

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Yes, call your pdoc.

nf

Maybe this is just a side effect of topamax?

On Crazymeds you posted saying this started as a function of the Topamax making you lose your appetite, which you knew was triggering "ED tendencies." Perhaps it's time to consider switching meds?

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These are all the major signs and symptoms of an incipient ED which needs to be addressed now, the earlier the better. Recovery rates fall the longer one goes without intervention, and things are not going well it sounds like.

I don't know if you've ever had problems like this before, but if it is the topamax triggering this you may need to stop the med. This type of thing can be triggered by anything but is very dangerous to your health, to your wellbeing, and to your overall life.

Trust me, you do NOT want a lifelong eating disorder, you really don't. You must take action on this.

Anna

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Like I posted on crazymeds, I am stable mood-wise on topamax and my other meds at this point.

I can't drop it.

Like I also said there, I think I'm developing anorexia.

I told my pdoc about the weight loss, and, since I was overweight, he was happy about the weight loss.

But, the conversation was through text message, so I was not able to tell him about my methods of weight loss and my emerging problems.

I already made an appointment with him for tuesday, so we'll see what happens...

Thank you all.

I will update.

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papertrees, this is how my troubles got started. i went on a med that killed my appetite, and i decided that was just GREAT because then i could starve myself.

i also started off overweight, and my idiot gp was happy and kept telling me i looked great though i kept repeating that i was getting sick all the time (i didn't have to be bulimic - i was sick enough from the meds for it to happen on its own). i could have fought for help. i chose not to. i put myself through a few years of hell with this.

i know this is the drug that is making you stable - but let me tell you, you WON'T be stable no matter what drug you're on if you aren't eating. starving feels GOOD at times, just like you said... cheerier, more energetic even. that doesn't last. it turns into too depressed to want to live. it turns into major anxiety. it turns into obsession that you can't stand to live with anymore because it never shuts up and all of a sudden you can't just change your mind and eat like normal people.

get help NOW, before this idea of starving yourself ruins your chances for stability.

"i'm not underweight" is what i said, constantly, because according to that chart i never was. at my lowest weight, i wore a size zero and was so sick looking my family refused to visit me anymore because they couldn't look at me. but the chart said i was the lowest acceptable weight for the "healthy" category. so in my mind i could say i wasn't sick. even though i couldn't eat solid food anymore, i wasn't "underweight", so i wasn't "sick". every body is different and needs a different weight to be healthy. numbers can lie to you.

again, tell on yourself NOW. the more people (especially your doctors) you tell about what you're doing, the harder it will be to keep doing it, and the most important thing for you to do right now is STOP this.

keep posting if it helps. please.

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papertrees, this is how my troubles got started. i went on a med that killed my appetite, and i decided that was just GREAT because then i could starve myself.

i also started off overweight, and my idiot gp was happy and kept telling me i looked great though i kept repeating that i was getting sick all the time (i didn't have to be bulimic - i was sick enough from the meds for it to happen on its own). i could have fought for help. i chose not to. i put myself through a few years of hell with this.

i know this is the drug that is making you stable - but let me tell you, you WON'T be stable no matter what drug you're on if you aren't eating. starving feels GOOD at times, just like you said... cheerier, more energetic even. that doesn't last. it turns into too depressed to want to live. it turns into major anxiety. it turns into obsession that you can't stand to live with anymore because it never shuts up and all of a sudden you can't just change your mind and eat like normal people.

get help NOW, before this idea of starving yourself ruins your chances for stability.

"i'm not underweight" is what i said, constantly, because according to that chart i never was. at my lowest weight, i wore a size zero and was so sick looking my family refused to visit me anymore because they couldn't look at me. but the chart said i was the lowest acceptable weight for the "healthy" category. so in my mind i could say i wasn't sick. even though i couldn't eat solid food anymore, i wasn't "underweight", so i wasn't "sick". every body is different and needs a different weight to be healthy. numbers can lie to you.

again, tell on yourself NOW. the more people (especially your doctors) you tell about what you're doing, the harder it will be to keep doing it, and the most important thing for you to do right now is STOP this.

keep posting if it helps. please.

Did you also think you can control it?

Because, honestly, that is the thing keeping me from telling on me.

He might think I'm over-reacting because at the end of the day, I can save myself after all... Could I be right?

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Eating disorders are very hard to control once they've gotten a grip.

do you feel in control now? You are eating less than 300 calories a day. Can you jump up to 12-1300 no problems? If so, then do it, and you should have no problems.

but unfortunately, that 'feeling of control' is one of the hallmarks of the disease.

Papertrees, if your doctor thinks you are overreacting he/she will let you know, I'm sure.

Anna

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Did you also think you can control it?

Because, honestly, that is the thing keeping me from telling on me.

He might think I'm over-reacting because at the end of the day, I can save myself after all... Could I be right?

yes, yes i DID think that! i thought exactly what you wrote, and that is exactly what kept me from telling on me. i thought the choice was mine... i really really didn't think that at any point i would lose control. even after i already had lost control, i STILL thought i could just stop when i wanted. i don't know at what point it changes, but it DOES. you DO lose control. think of it like "oh i'll just do a little heroin because it makes me feel good". it's not that much different. every time you do it, you risk losing the choice whether or not you're going to do it again. you won't be the boss of your own body anymore. or your mind.

you don't have to ask for a diagnosis... i know that's really easy to talk yourself out of ("oh, i'm not underweight so they won't believe me"). instead, maybe, you could try letting people (including the doctor) know that although you're happy you've lost weight, you don't want to lose any more and you're having a hard time stopping. are there people close to you that you can tell? i know it's really embarrassing, but it's really important to be honest.

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Did you also think you can control it?

Because, honestly, that is the thing keeping me from telling on me.

He might think I'm over-reacting because at the end of the day, I can save myself after all... Could I be right?

Do you want to be right? Do you really want it to get to the point where you have to save yourself? Life and Death, Right or Wrong? If you think you can save yourself then, then do yourself a favor and save yourself now. This is not something you want to put yourself though.. Regardless of how you think you could bounce back. That's not a test you want to take. This isn't something that can just be pushed aside when you decide you don't want it. It sticks with you. Don't let it.

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Ok.. thank you everyone for being honest and open...

As I said, I made an appointment with pdoc on tuesday already.

I guess this is not just simple anorexia from topamax as I wrote on crazymeds.

I just really, really need support...

I'm embarrassed to tell my friends about it because they're sick and tired of hearing about my illness (I am schizaffective too, remember?).

And I'm tired. Just tired.

They say, why can't I just force myself to eat. It's not that simple. I feel so guilty when I eat.

And I have these rules already- I can only eat (at the very, very maximum and only when I really have to, one solid food meal a day). Because I eat one meal with my mom a day- dinner. Breakfast, I eat alone. Lunch, I eat at school. So those are easy to get out of.

Whatever. Bottom line is, I AM seeking help. Thank you.

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