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Anyone who was reading my recent posts knew I was hurting bad and going crazy. Well 13 days ago I got really drunk and then took some benadryl. I was totally suicidal. I was tired of the panic attacks and the crying and depression and fear and pain. I went to the ER and was admitted into one of the best hospitals in the state (about 2 hours or so away). The first day I was a basket case. My doctor had upped my Pristiq to 100 mg, which I found out later was what was making stuff worse. But it was the best time of my life. I was in there 12 days, and it just flew by. They kept us really busy, had classes for us all day, and the "fellowship" of sorts was great. I learned so much. I learned how to identify unsafe versus safe people. I learned how to start getting confidence and how to start loving myself. I learned how to deal with grief and loss and how to take care of myself. If this is how I feel 12 days later, I am excited to know how I'll feel a few months from now. They put me on 5 meds instead of just Pristiq, and I've never had a cocktail before. It works great! I feel SO much more stable it's crazy. I don't want to hurt myself all the time or kill myself. I'm thinking the star of the cocktail is lithium. It's working great for me. I get thirsty on it and computer/text/TV screens will hurt my eyes after awhile, but other than that it's perfect. I can't even describe how good I feel. I was wary and scared to go in there, but now I realize it's the best thing I've ever done. I REALLY hope this lasts... :)

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It's great to hear about positive inpatient experiences - I don't think we get enough of that around here. I'm so glad it worked out well for you, and it sounds like they've given you a good basis to use for continuing work on your recovery.

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