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How Does Moving Long Distance to an Unfamiliar Place w/o Support Affect You?


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Right about now I'm scared out of my friggin' mind to do this. We won't know anyone at all, I've never even been through the State. Doing this because it's where his Dad is moving for work and with our custody arrangement it's the only thing that makes sense. Problem is we would be moving one full school year ahead of him because financially that's what I have to do. It's all mutual... But.... wall.gif

Seems like every time I get settled somewhere I'm packing again, but for the last 18 yrs one state has been home base, one general area of the state. One main hospital. Now I gotta pick up and go across the country? Not knowing ANYBODY? No friends, nobody and no place of familiarity? A new set of docs and therapists? New town... starting over as a completer stranger... My poor son! Not only will he be the new kid, he'll be dealing with my anxiety and... what else? What bipolar hell could surface with these changes? He's 13, super smart, he's very aware and knows our routines and what to do if there's a serious problem... but he won't have anyone to call because our support system will be several states away.

Not going totally blind, the VA will have my records and a new pdoc will be in place... but they will be an hour away. Not close enough!

Thoughts???? Anyone who has been through this total cross country start over, maybe even with a kiddo in a position like mine??? Just feeling completely overwhelmed with this and I ugly about being sideswiped with the ex's news. Custody stuff sucks when there's moving involved.

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I have moved cross-country several times. However, I have no children.

Some of the things I did before each move was to subscribe to the local newspaper of the new location---easy in this age of the internet. Researched job opportunities.

Began to examine the real estate market for homes for sale and for rentals, and called three or four realtors far in advance of the move to insure a productive working relationship with them. Found out about short-term rentals and the reliability of storage facilities. Also, realtors are good sources regarding insurance providers, health care providers, dentists, and beauticians. They also know about license requirements for pets,can recommend vets, and can usually tell you if animals need heartworm preventatives (always best to start that treatment two or three months before the move if going from a low incident area to a high incident area.) What about shopping? Grocery, clothing, shoes, specialty shops?

Contacted the Chamber of Commerce and requested brochures about the area, maps, information about colleges and universities, adult education opportunities, and available recreation. If there was a magazine about the state, I subscribed.

Arranged for three moving companies to provide estimates. And began to short through what would be moved, what would go to St. Vincent de Paul, the professional clothing bank, or to the landfill.

Checked for local minor league baseball teams and/or state leagues. Political learning in the state/county/city. Asked if there was a Toastmasters/Toastmistress organization. Local chamber orchestra? Theatre? Community groups? Call the library to find out about the availability of inter-library loans and whether there is access to "rare" books. Asked about book discussion groups and writers workshops sponsored by the library.

Began to search out physicians in the area that accepted my insurance and their "qualifications": again, the internet makes this much easier. Local mental health associations and/or other health related associations? Write letters to the association that most closely represents you issues and begin to forge a support group before relocating.

That's a start.

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Wow, Indigo 'n Dye gave you some wonderful ideas. The Chamber may have a newcomers packet they can send to you. I would also get a street map of the city and begin to orient yourself. As you get recommendations

locate them on the map. Your realtor may have a newcomers welcome packet, also.

I have picked up and moved by myself once without knowing anyone in the new city. I was kind of transferring for work, really for my health. So I had something the was familiar, the routine at work was the same as my previous work.

It took a while but I met friends. I met the first one and through her and her family I met more friends. Keep in mind you will have one person you know, your son. If he is in school perhaps you can join a parents group for the school.

It take time but you can build up a group of friends in time.

nf

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Oh dear, this is a wonderful topic. Living far from family/support has pushed my MI over the edge. I am barely coping with life. It distresses me immensely. I feel trapped, unsupported, and worthless. My mind tells me many bad things about myself. I am lonely and angry. All of this, and I have a boyfriend who is very good to me. I just can't feel deep feelings of love and trust for him. Went through too much with my Xhubby (who essentially brought our family here 10 years ago and started to neglect me and the kids). I feel like I've been dumped here like trash and left to rot.

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I have moved cross-country several times. However, I have no children.

Some of the things I did before each move was to subscribe to the local newspaper of the new location---easy in this age of the internet. Researched job opportunities.

Began to examine the real estate market for homes for sale and for rentals, and called three or four realtors far in advance of the move to insure a productive working relationship with them. Found out about short-term rentals and the reliability of storage facilities. Also, realtors are good sources regarding insurance providers, health care providers, dentists, and beauticians. They also know about license requirements for pets,can recommend vets, and can usually tell you if animals need heartworm preventatives (always best to start that treatment two or three months before the move if going from a low incident area to a high incident area.) What about shopping? Grocery, clothing, shoes, specialty shops?

Contacted the Chamber of Commerce and requested brochures about the area, maps, information about colleges and universities, adult education opportunities, and available recreation. If there was a magazine about the state, I subscribed.

Arranged for three moving companies to provide estimates. And began to short through what would be moved, what would go to St. Vincent de Paul, the professional clothing bank, or to the landfill.

Checked for local minor league baseball teams and/or state leagues. Political learning in the state/county/city. Asked if there was a Toastmasters/Toastmistress organization. Local chamber orchestra? Theatre? Community groups? Call the library to find out about the availability of inter-library loans and whether there is access to "rare" books. Asked about book discussion groups and writers workshops sponsored by the library.

Began to search out physicians in the area that accepted my insurance and their "qualifications": again, the internet makes this much easier. Local mental health associations and/or other health related associations? Write letters to the association that most closely represents you issues and begin to forge a support group before relocating.

That's a start.

This is great! This gives me a nice picture of what to do once my house is sold, I find a temporary R.N. position, save a little cash, and I'm able to move a little further south to a more affordable area. Thanks for the insight!

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There are so many great suggestions here! I can tell you I moved (not across the country but it felt like it) away from everything I knew. I took strength in knowing that it was best for my children. I had two babies in hospital and I couldn't bear being separated from them or my family. My eldest daughter was 8 and I have to say, yes it was pretty hard on her. She missed the familiar and friends. However, she fit right into her school and made a best friend within a year. What I wish I had done better was look after myself. Connected with Dr's and pdocs right away and set up my own personal routine. I put a lot of energy into settling everyone else in and it's taken me 2 years to get around to taking care of my personal stuff. I know it's hard but if you know what you are doing is best for your son then trust that it will be ok for him and commit to taking care of yourself.

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I have full custody now, we don't have to go. But the schools here really do suck and my son hates it. He also doesn't want to be to far from his dad for very long. I'm the one that's freaking out. Kiddo has been begging to move for over a year but I couldn't until things were settled... just didn't think I'd be asked to go so far. Dad would be coming out to visit, so would big brother (college boy) and there's always video chat. But YEAH, my first thought was "hell no we won't go"

Keep the thoughts coming, it's REALLY helping!

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I would not move from where I live now if my ex-husband chose to move across the country. My support system is here-- family, friends, medical providers, my son's school, etc. Losing those things would hurt my son, both directly and indirectly.

If a parent chooses to move long distance, the other parent usually gets a fair amount of say in the custody arrangements. I know if my ex moved out of state, he'd forfeit custody altogether.

I actually had a major couch potato p.j. day over this... And realized just how much of a brain fart I was having by even thinking it would be OKAY to make this cross country move. You're words kept re-running in my head and I made this great big pro's and con's list in the middle of the night. Sure, we do need to move, but just out of this area. Our supports don't live in this town, they are an hour and two counties over surrounded by smaller towns in much better school districts. DUH. Hello? I do have full custody that I fought really hard for because I promised my sons I would do everything in my power to get healthy and get them out of a bad situation, he barely takes advantage of his visitation rights as is, so why in hell would I let him dictate where we live? Yeah, my youngest wants to be close enough to see his dad because his dad is finally starting not to be such a jerk... but all the things he was going to do if we were going to be moving away, the man can do if he moves away. SO, point being... HELL NO WE WON"T GO.

However, I am still going to use every bit of the wonderful info I got from here so that when we move out of this crappy town to the next town close to our support it will feel a lot more like home before we ever get there!

I'm feeling a little less overwhelmed today about this moving stuff. Gotta say, coming to this site has been the best thing ever. I'm usually the one giving support, it's very very very cool that there's a place I can come hang out when the monster is rattling it's chains and throwing minions at me. This damn bipolar short circuit doesn't have an electrician, so I've got my own toolbox, but some days the buzz brain is just too damn much for me.

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Yes, glad you're going to move in the right direction closer to support and not further away. The first thing that jumped out when I read your post was the Dad was moving and you moving to help him with custody arrangements, and that just didn't make sense to me and seemed wrong, somehow. If Dad has to move for work, he can travel back for visits and not expect everyone else to cater to him. I'm sure your kid would like to have a close relationship with Dad, but I think you should put the responsibility for that on Dad, not you.

I think the other moving suggestions given are excellent, and I would still see what sort of local visitor info you can get for the new area, even if you have been there before. You might find out about something you didn't know about, or had forgotten about.

As a veteran of many moves myself, cross-country many times, I would also recommend going through your things and start donating what you don't need anymore to the local thrift shop. So it doesn't seem overwhelming, I would only do about 10 or 15 minutes a day, which works out to a small part of a closet, or half of a bureau drawer, or one kitchen cabinet. It will make a huge difference when you move.

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As a veteran of many moves myself, cross-country many times, I would also recommend going through your things and start donating what you don't need anymore to the local thrift shop. So it doesn't seem overwhelming, I would only do about 10 or 15 minutes a day, which works out to a small part of a closet, or half of a bureau drawer, or one kitchen cabinet. It will make a huge difference when you move.

:)

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Oh yeah... been going through things a little at a time just like that tongue.gif I was homeless for awhile, the things that were the most important to me got stored in a garage and most of it ended up being stolen. When I finally got back on my feet I started "nesting". It never ceases to amaze me what I bought not because I needed it, but because I was trying to re-create my first real home. It was a weird epiphany. Hoping that this move will be the last one. I'm so tired of moving around. This will be my 37th mailing address. Not counting all the little stuff in between. It's TIME to settle down somewhere.

I wonder what that will be like???

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The reference desk at the public library can direct you to the most current information about the city you are moving to. Cost of living info, average rents, housing prices, average cost of food, cost of transportation including cost to maintain a car, average salary or wage. The list goes on and on. I merely went to the reference desk at a major college and explained my request, that I was moving and needed to find out all the information I could on my new city.

They produced a book with most of this information in it, arranged by city. I cannot remember its name. I quickly discovered things were much more expensive in my new city. I was able to get a cost of living adjustment to my salary.

You may be moving to a city with a lower cost of living and luck out.

nf

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  • 1 year later...

I googled "Bi Polar PTSD moving far away trouble adjusting" and couldnt believe this came up :D I moved cross country on July forth. Away from my five grown children, my grandson, my soul mate and my ex husband who was extremely abusive. I moved to go through a Living Waters program and to try and heal from my past. During the days Im ok. I keep busy and apart from missing those close to me I push through. The traffic in this place terrifies me. sooo fast so many cars! :o :o :o :o The water is horrid! :frustrated: but Im having a terrible time sleeping. I keep waking up suddenly with my heart pounding and not knowing where I am or how I got there. :huh: Even a 15 min nap produces this reaction!! I am so tired of waking up disoriented and afraid, I just cant figure out how to fix it :wall: Any ideas?

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