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I could use some female company. Almost need.

No, we're not getting graphic here. I have a distinct shortage of hugs, or of someone to cuddle up with and watch a film, or have a chat.,

Hugs are good. Cuddles are good. I remember them, rather distantly.

But my brain has a problem with the first line I typed.

It would be "using" a person. As I see it. And I see that as wrong.

I wouldn't be wanting a hug or a cuddle because it was *her* but because it felt good generically.

It's only a legitimate desire in my mind if it's because I value the individual involved as themselves, not as a source of...

But that hasn't happened and been reciprocated for twenty years, at least.

If my moral thinking is right, things aren't likely to get better in this area anytime soon.

Is my thinking that mad?

(No, a big stuffed animal or a live cat isn't the same. I have tried).

Chris.

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No, wanting and needing human comfort and contact is not "using". Rather, from my admittedly skewed point-of-view, it is sharing. Two people do not need to be in a deeply committed relationship to thoroughly enjoy a cuddle. A cuddle, a movie, a shared snack, some music, and more cuddling does not automatically, nor inevitable, lead to sexual intimacy. But, should it, there is nothing amoral about that either. The only caveat, again from my POV, is that every step is mutually agreeable and mutually enjoyable.

Finding someone to share a cuddle with can be a daunting chore, but take it from me, a woman of mature years, there are a great many women looking for a cuddling and intimacy in a safe environment.

AND, there is nothing amiss with paying for cuddling and intimacy if that is what it takes.

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I don't find that using at all, you're wanting affection which is a natural thing we humans crave. I for one feel the same, I love hugs and holding hands and all of that, it's amazing what one little gesture like a hug could do for a person. It's not mad to think like that either.

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...my POV, is that every step is mutually agreeable...

AND, there is nothing amiss with paying for cuddling and intimacy if that is what it takes.

I agree with your point of view.

Sharing would be fine, with mutual understanding of the situation,

but unless I've missed all the social cues (quite possible, with my solid Asperger's) I have not for years and years had any lady consider me as a potential joint cuddler.

On the second, I have tried that, exactly twice, twelve years ago. The second time to confirm the impression of the first.

For me, it doesn't work: it's not sufficiently mutual.

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  • 2 months later...

I don't see wanting company as "using" at all.

I can see where you and th other contributors are coming from.

It's possibly because I don'tl grasp this instinctively, but I do get somewhat hung up, thinking intellectually, trying to sort out the moral difference (and to me there is a real one) between wanting to be close to a person because thaty are that person, an indvidual, and just wanting *any* person to contribute to me having a positive experience. The second does get too close to treating a person as an object, in my mind, but I'm beginning to pick up some middle ground through the replies here. Getting away from Black and White is not always easy for me.

And I've never, in my 54 years, ever got this near to right. Had some interesting times, but still really not got key understandings.

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