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Home from a hospital stay

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My first hospital stay. I was in for 4 days. I was so suicidal, destructive, and didn't care what happened to me. I had an appt with pdoc Tuesday morning. I just told him everything, He didn't let me leave. So, I was admitted. First day and a half were rough. I hated it. I missed my kids, felt guilty, etc. I cried and cried, and spent most of my time in my room. I hardly slept the first night. Hospital pdoc changed my antidepressant and took me off 100mg Pristiq and put me on 20mg Prozac. Still on 1200mg Trileptal and .5mg Klonopin. Im not 100% yet, and honestly a little nervous about being home, but I feel better overall.

Therapy was great while I was there. Talked about separation from my husband, the old boyfriend issue, my depression and thoughts. I got lots of good advice, and once the Prozac was in my system a day or so, I was able to take some of the advice and everything and think about it, clearly. Everyone said the same thing about "him": He's a loser. Why do I want to be with him, he has nothing to offer me, and doesn't love me like I would like him to. So, I should get over it, work on myself and my current situation with my husband, and eventually, I'll find love I deserve and he will treat me right. I hope I can do it. I was able to get in to see a therapist next week, which is quick! But, apparently being in the hospital gets you a therapist pretty quick!

The pdoc diagnosed me with Bipolar I, which isn't any different than my original diagnosis. Also OCD. Again, nothing new. Im glad I went. As much as the idea scared me and I didn't want to go, it was definetly the right thing for me to do. I got good treatment, met some awesome people, and got the help I needed. A good thing!

Thank you to all of you who helped me through my horrible past month. I can't say I wont be in my blog talking about stuff still, but hopefully, it wont be as bad. Maybe it will have some good news!

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