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Grrrr... Why do I do these things?


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I wanted to burn myself last night, turned on my Hair straightener, put my index finger on it, and reflexively pulled away. So Now I'm just as miserable as before, maybe a little more miserable, because I'm a chicken. It wasn't even that I was miserable, it was just that I went online and saw a trigger picture on my Tumblr dashboard.

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Consider that you attempted self-harm as you have not developed the skills to cope with frustration, anger, or other emotions in another way. As your username suggests that you are young, either in years or experience, there is still time to gather the tools and develop the skills to deal with emotions without resorting to self-harm.

As Anna said, the fact that you pulled away indicates a strong survival instinct. That very instinct can be your best defense against harming yourself.

Tumblr with or without pictures triggers my survival instinct. I avoid those so-called social networks.

Good luck on taking good care of yourself. Indigo

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You're not a chicken at all. Pulling away is a good thing. We have pain receptors for a reason.

What do you think would be helpful to you right now?

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I can relate to this. I'm trying to quit myself (I'm six weeks free today, I think, or somewhere in there), but I struggle with the idea of SI every day. Sometimes I still want to...I even catch myself thinking I miss it, though I am trying to push that thinking away as irrational. SI does have a particular attraction that is hard to resist; that's one of the biggest problems in overcoming it, I think. There's nothing chicken about having second thoughts, or pulling away at the last second. It feels like that, but it actually seems to me that not giving in to the urge was the stronger, braver reaction. It's the inner, rational self saying "no, wait! what are you doing?!" I'm glad you didn't go through with it. Every time you don't, that's a victory.

I have begun writing in my journal every day before I go to sleep: today I was SI free again. Instead of fighting it like one major battle, I take every day as a skirmish. That allows me to look back through my writings and see a whole pile of little victories. It's affirming.

SI is hard, and it sucks. I hope you are doing all right. If you want to vent, please feel free to PM me anytime.

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