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loosing track of time ?


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ok,

Is this weird?

I can always tell that i am either starring a manic or mixed state in the eye when....

I start getting up at night to get ready for work

At say about 2am, i get up dressed, eat breakfast, i am determined i missed the alarm. And i check the time on my phone, tv, computer, wall clock and even car clock. And sure they are all wrong. But then suddenly its like a light bulb that goes off, going its two am. I can easily do this several times a night. I even went and aske the security guard in my complex waht the time was, and sadly it was 12:00pm! I actually even got to work once (30min drive - in the dark).

Anybody do anything like that before?

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Perhaps not the exact same symptoms, but yeah.......I lose days. Today at eight am I was sure it must be Monday and well, it was Sunday. (OK, here I admit, I GAINED a day) but still.........

I'm reminded of the dialog in Proof.......when the Tony Hopkins character asks his daughter......how many days have you lost this month ? Like its a normal question. And she anwers.....like its a normal question........MI sucks.

Your post strikes a chord, if that helps. Especially on days like today where I refused to believe my phone, computer and the amount of sunlight outside, which all indicated it was 8 30 am on Sunday. Tho I was overjoyed to find I GAINED a day...........its fucking maddening. Literally.

Hope you can come around to getting back on track. You are sooooo not alone.

Peace

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Losing time has always been a major precursor to a psychotic break for me - days and weeks seem to merge into each other, things that happened yesterday feel like they happened last year, and then I plainly just lose time through blackouts and cannot recall my actions and reactions during (sometimes large) periods of time. I recently managed to put the lid on an impending break because when my sense of time went haywire, I was immediately aware of what would be coming next if it weren't nipped in the bud fast. So... not trying to scare you Ash - you do sound like you're teetering on the edge of fullblown mania (judging from your other recent posts), but it's excellent that you are able to recognise this particular symptom. However, I do think it's something that you have to discuss with your health team asap, because in my experience this kind of thing can get really bad really fast.

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yes, Ash, I think this is something to be concerned about. I also have trouble with time when i am highly manic, though not in that specific way. I just lose the ability to keep track of it entirely....

anna

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thanx so much, i mentioned it to the pdoc and he looked worried, considering with the definitely mania, i came across undeliverable depressed. or just plain straight confused. The worst is i feel like i cant talk to anybody about it. My friends are out of bounds, they new and not scaring them off. And for some reason i have lost trust in my parents or any family and now refusing to talk to them. They making me feel like a failure and I'm good with my work at lest? They tell me to phone, and then tell me i mustn't. My mother tells me i don't understand what they are saying, it may be me. or them justifying what they where saying? but i scare myself. I keep saying the last time shall be the last time. I feel like i don't want to do it again, or to other people, and start over again. If i loose my job i feel like i will loose everything, its all i have. I can't go home, I don't want to , then what?No sleep, crazy behavior, paranoia does not bode well to keeping my job!!! At lest i know they love me there!

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OK, just went to my pdoc today, and decided to keep a mood diary for the last three weeks because i have been going from really manic to suicidally depressed, sleeping two hours for five days and then 10 for 2-4 days! But to the extreme. You know when you check the top and last box! And i have a tendency to minimize things in therapy. They have totally agree with. My family dynamic is just so fucked up, its so hard to locate what normality is? how do you rate a bad day when you don't have a reference? So been working on it, and trying so hard to talk about it now (its a work in progresses), and it helps that going shopping to buy the girls at work easter eggs at three in the morning and cleaning my car, is apparently strange. When i told the girls at work, apparently its dangerous and my pdoc said that + no sleep for 5 days and colleges at work telling me to go see a doctor cause they couldn't keep up my talking. I did come with super awesome research opportunities and read tons of articles, being gittery and anxious and totally out of control is more of a diagnosis of proper mania.

Of course i crashed, and got unbelievable "suicidally depressed overnight" couple days and started to get twitchy again and started to get man-icy again.

So i did the right thing and made a mood diary cause i new i needed to, so gave it to him (i get so embarrassed!) And i hate it when he gets his serious face on, it makes me feel rather uncomfortable.

He is worried cause i live alone, and since recent events i have just isolated myself from my family, i can't do it anymore to them, and they make me feel so guilty. I am going to my own medically aid next month. And until then i can't have problems, even though i am. March must come soon. Cause i feel so lost. And i don't want to be apart of my family, its unfair, and when i am not there they seem to be all happy family until i get there, and i seem to fuck it up. MY dad is bipolar and everybody is scared of him, so put two of us in one room....... not great.

They all make me feel like a burden, a waste of space, I was a girl, who had some many prospects ahead of me. I was really intelligent, pretty, kind and now how to work people. And now i feel like let everybody down and now i feel like a waste. A failure. I don't want to attempt another relationship! Cause scared of ruining. I want a baby, but can i. I want my independence. But working for the government is not that lucrative!

I said to myself that the last time was the last time.

I have distanced so far away from my family. We live in different provinces. And i can't talk to them, so if i have a problem i feel like i got nobody to share it with. My work is the only thing i have, If i didn't to be frank i would kill myself cause its the sole purpose.

It is it weird to think about death on a daily basis? I don't think i would act on it? I think about it every day. That just what if.

I'm confused and i don"t know how i feel right now. Its weird, i feel calm ...

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Baby while not stable - bad juju. Just saying. I was pregnant twice before I was diagnosed, and there were times I was completely insane.

I have a horrible tracking of time. I have a hard time remembering what date/day it is. I also have an impossible task in remembering events and appointments. So I carry around my iphone like it's a lifeline. I never used to be like this, and my reason for this manifestation is unclear to me.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I also lose track of the day and date, and can't remember if something happened today or last week. I don't know if it's one or more of my medications or just the progression of my bipolar, which has consistanly knocked me down a few notches every time I have an episode and I can never get back to where I was. It's good that you are keeping a mood diary, and I think you are doing great at being able to keep your job, despite your symptoms. I have family and friends that I have alienated, but that is my own fault. Don't give up the good fight!;)

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