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I went down to brighton for the day yesterday, after getting a text which said i will sleep with other woman. So I travelled for 2 hrs to meet him. We went to the graveyard as normal to do the dirty act. He said I should stay in brighton for the night, so find someone's houses. His mum doesn't like me so his house wasn't a opintion. I suggested that he should come up to london and he said he would think about it. This is where the argument started, he said no. Which upset me so much. I started crying which he said I was being stupid, this is where it went bad. I hit him but he hit me back many times. I now have brusies on my arms and tummy.At points he said I should go and kill myself (I was thinking of it at the time) and he said I should go cut myself (Im a self harmer). I did end up burning myself to calm me down more than anything.

I ended up travelling to london, I ended up taking 8 valuim and took my anti depressants as normally. Does this make me crazy>?

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Crazy or not, the whole trip was reckless behaviour.

You just had a miscarriage, intercourse should be avoided until you are certain you cervix had completely closed. Further, by your own admission you have not be completely tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

From my perspective you are putting yourself in danger and as has been said before, recklessness, and purposefully placing yourself in danger are signs of lack of self-esteem and self-love. There are so many questions running through my mind at this moment that it makes me want to reach out and shake you.

At your last post you had determined that this fellow was not worthy of your attention and now you are reporting that you went out of your way to allow him to humiliate and use you. Get a grip.

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I rather you didn't shake me:S. I did try to lose contract with him but that was easier said than done, I've changed number but he has my room mates numbers. So I don't know what else to do tbh? Any ideas. Yesterday I was so down so I guessed i enjoyed the attention. The thing is I didn't feel like I was in danger at all, it all felt safe for me tbh. I know what you mean abut the lack of self love and self esteem, but it was sort of nice to be touched etc. I am trying to get a grip but as the thearpist said I'm scared of getting replace. Which is something I argree with it makes senes.

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Any ideas

Do not respond to his calls, his messages, his mail, or any other way he contacts you.

I didn't feel like I was in danger at all, it all felt safe for me tbh.

It is beyond my comprehension that you could feel safe with a man who emotional abused you, prostituted you, and then replaced you with your friend. HOW can it be safe to place yourself in the situation that you have struggled so hard to remove yourself from? Placing yourself in a situation when this abuser's very next step could well be to tell you that you need to prove your love by selling yourself to all comers to put money in his pockets. Safe? I don't think so. You are still so vulnerable that it would only take a nudge to sent your over the edge and back being a prostitute. Or, is that where you would prefer to be?

You need to ask yourself those questions and answer with complete honesty. If you want to return to that life and all its inherent risks that is OK, but do it with your eyes wide open and having a full and complete understanding of just what that lifestyle encompasses as you begin to age.

The choice is yours. Choose well and wisely.

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I would like to shake you too!! :)

You need to stay the hell away from Brighton, and put Mike behind you for good. Also, since you just had a miscarriage, you need to take care of your physical health. I know you are seeing a therapist, but is there group therapy you could also attend? I think you need to hear from some people in real life that you're a worthwhile person and that you don't need the fake affection of this guy who wants you for the sex, and whatever else he can get from you.

I know you said you're at university, but is there any chance of you getting a part time job somewhere? Even waiting tables or washing dishes, or running a cash register somewhere will take you out of your head for a little while every day and give you a feeling of accomplishment, which I think will help you. Finding a new place to live would be good, too, even a crappy bedsit would be better than a roommate who will pass on messages from this cruel person who still wants to abuse you. There are lots of other ways to live your life.

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I rather people didn't shake me, please. ;S

My therpy finishes in 2 weeks time so after this I will be alone again, but I am starting to find a new thearpist. This is annoying as I have built my trust in her, I have not spoken to her about the miscarriged. I am researching group help .What do you mean I need to look after my health? Some times I do but other time I can't, it depends on my mood. One of my friends tells me I am worth well, that I should have more respect for my own body which means a lot. I think I use sex to make up for that low self esteem and very low confident. Also I use it for confront. Which is a bad thing, yesterday I was feeling very low and I hated the idea of being replaced. I am looking for a job and I had a job interview but haven't heard anything back yet. So I'm trying but it failing. Moving out isn't a opintion, I would have to pay for two flats which is a waste of money. I want to get get on with my life but it failing. Unlucky for me my parents live there, and I'm down next weekend for my brother birthday. I will be back for summer hoilday which is 6 weeks long and I don't think I will be avoid him for that amount of time.

I want to curl in bed

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By taking care of your health, I mean that if you recently had a miscarriage, you need to make sure you get enough rest and get some good nutrition. Presumbably you lost a lot of blood so having some vitamins with iron would probably be good for you. Your body needs a chance to heal itself.

I'm glad you're going to spend time with your family, but just because you're in Brighton doesn't mean you have to see Mike. There are way too many reasons why you shouldn't, he's so bad for you.

I don't think you're failing at getting on with your life or finding a job, fail is a pretty strong word. It would be better to think of it as continuing to move forward. You're not going to succeed the first time you try something, and may not succeed for several tries, but the only option is to keep trying, and change your plan as needed along the way. In other words, if you don't get this job you applied for, apply for some others until you find one.

If you're off for six weeks I'm sure you'll want to see your family, but do you have to spend the whole six weeks in Brighton? If you're renting an apartment presumably it will still be available during this time, and you could stay there, or maybe have your family visit you there. Also, if you get a job you probably won't be able to take that much time off.

Curling up in bed is a good thing to do sometimes. I wish you all the best and hope things get better for you soon.

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Counting on feels like such a effect right, I've been sat in bed when I should of been working but this had failed. Just been feeling too down to do anything. Which is frusting. I haven't really thought of my physical health as that improntant, but I have taken iron tablets. It just feels like I'm failing but it feels nice to think other people don't think I'm a failture.I am applying for as much as I can, but it isn't as the best time to be looking for a job. :C Frusting. I am trying to move forward but this is harder than I thought. I am trying to enjoying myself as much as I can, like clubbing, going to the pub, reading and circus things. However other days I can barely get out of bed, this is partly why I think the depression is getting worse.

I may just do that

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Guest Vapourware

Unless you believe that you should put yourself first and that you are worthy of self-love and self-respect, this scenario with Mike is going to repeat. You have to ask yourself if that is really want you want.

You really should try and cut off all contact with him because being used doesn't equal being respected and loved. Mike doesn't care about your health or about you. If he did, he wouldn't have hit you multiple times, and he wouldn't have prostituted you. That's not the sort of attention that you should crave. It's negative and it's degrading.

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If a friend of yours was in a similar situation, what would you tell her to do?

Even leaving the hitting and the prostitution out of it, this guy doesn't care enough about you to sort out a place for you to stay when you come to see him. He can't even be asked to find a warm, safe, place for sex with you. I mean, isn't it cold in a graveyard in Brighton in March?

His behavior has nothing to do with your worth, your intelligence, goodness, beauty, nothing to do with you at all. It isn't just that he treats you badly. Mike is a bad person. You need to set realistic boundaries that will allow you to stay away from him. Change your number again, and don't give it to your roommates if they're going to give it to him. Tell them not to give you any messages from him. Do they know how he treats you? If they do, and they continue helping him have access to you, they are crap people too, and not at all your friends. If they don't, you should tell them, at least some of it. Unless they are complete douchebags, that will stop them giving him your number, or playing messenger for him.

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I am working on the self worth and confident stuff in theapry however it is ending next week which is worrying. So I am hoping with help this cycle will be broken. I have spoken to the thearpist who was utterly shocked. That it is cycle of abuse which started with my dad and ending with mike. Thank you for understanding mynameisforget. Everyone had said that and I'm in the middle of changing nummber. I should explain I am in uni so 'wasting money' would be a problem as I'm looking for a job and I'm in uni in London so moving isn't an opintion. I did think moving to london would do it tbh but it haven't.

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you are going to have to find the strength within yourself to cut off contact with Mike, regardless of if he finds a way to reach out and contact you. He sounds resourcful, though I agree that changing a phone number and asking rommates not to pass along messages is a good idea.

This is what you need to be discussing in therapy right now. How to not get sucked back into this mental game.

Anna

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You are well worth much more than you think you are. Don't let this man do such things to you. Please take care of yourself and lose his number and his address. If you were to lose his name and face from your mind you would be better off too. If you have to move to get away from this loser, please do so. Find another roommate and move on. Don't let anyone tell you what is right for you, only you can determine that.

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