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I am new, did a brief post in the "welcome" room, but this is the forum where I belong. I want to introduce myself here, and hope my story helps someone.

I was diagnosed with mpd (I prefer mpd over D.I.D) about 15 years ago. Long story, but after much testing, a try at hypnosis to try to find out why I had no memories of my childhood, they discoved my alters.

The goal for me was not to try to find the details of the cause, but to accept that it happened. My therapy, about 4 years, three days a week, was to find my alters, have them meet me, me them, and learn to work together.

My docotrs did several amatal sessions, and all was taped and recorded, to protect me and to protect the doctors from the accusation of planting false memories. The work was difficult, but I am now living fairly well, don't lose time, and my alters come up if a situation requires their help, and when this happens, I am aware.

My mpd is a protection thing. They don't just pop out and introduce themselves. They come and go, as needed, and I am aware. my therapy worked and I do well, and appreciate my alters, who help me.

My doctors felt that trying to find the memories was not necessary, and I agreed. Most doctors today, who have real experience, do this now.

I never use my mpd as an excuse because they are still me, and i accept responsibility.

anyway, here I am. :)

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welcome, Ssuannah :)

not losing time and being aware are awesome progressions, aren't they?

we've never spent one minute of therapy time digging for memories. i'm so glad you didn't feel you needed to go through that (i know for some people, it's essential to their own healing process, but i sure wouldn't want to do it).

hope you enjoy it here!

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I did some inter-family systems therapy for my PTSD which addresses what I used to call 'defenses' as descrete parts of the self which serve all sorts of functions involved in protecting the Self. I really sucked at it though, I just cannot seem to get in touch with these parts since my resistance is so strong.

For me, its like when a big trigger happens I dissociate and one of these parts takes control and does its thing. MPD is on a whole different level though. If the abuse went on and the trauma was left untreated I would surely have developed more serious illness =(

Did you have difficulty with hypnosis at first? Because Im seriously considering it even though my EMDR therapist says my defenses probably wont allow it.

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I did some inter-family systems therapy for my PTSD which addresses what I used to call 'defenses' as descrete parts of the self which serve all sorts of functions involved in protecting the Self. I really sucked at it though, I just cannot seem to get in touch with these parts since my resistance is so strong.

For me, its like when a big trigger happens I dissociate and one of these parts takes control and does its thing. MPD is on a whole different level though. If the abuse went on and the trauma was left untreated I would surely have developed more serious illness =(

Did you have difficulty with hypnosis at first? Because Im seriously considering it even though my EMDR therapist says my defenses probably wont allow it.

For me, hypnosis didn't work. It was the first thing my doctors tried, but when I "went under", another would take over, ect ect. The docotrs then did some sodium amytal sessions, which did work, to find the alters. It was all recorded, and I viewed the tapes, and therapy went from there. Before treatment, I didn't know about the mpd. I lost time, but just assumed that was normal. After treatment, my alters and I work together.

Find a good doctor who has experience in this. There are many out there who read "sybyl" and call themselves expert.

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Im coming to appreciate these 'parts' of me that try to protect me from harm. unfortunately their reactions dont fit the triggering situation more often than not and they make me pretty miserable.

Im assuming you had a lot of resistance at first? Was there anything specific you found helpful in fighting that resistance or connecting with those parts of yourself?

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Im coming to appreciate these 'parts' of me that try to protect me from harm. unfortunately their reactions dont fit the triggering situation more often than not and they make me pretty miserable.

Im assuming you had a lot of resistance at first? Was there anything specific you found helpful in fighting that resistance or connecting with those parts of yourself?

I am not sure what you are asking but will try.

Before I was diagnosed, I didn't know about the mpd. The alters were there, but kept me seperate. I did get into trouble a lot because the alters would come out, and I had to take blame when I didn't know what happened.

My treatment was to find the alters, introduce them to me, and me, to them. I fought this for a year, because it all sounded like crap. It was the tapes that forced me to accept it. Once I accepted it, the alters slowly began to accept me. It was a slow process, but worth it.

The one I call "the protector" isn't always tactful :P but I love him. He doesn't let people walk all over me. The way it works, now, is if a need for one comes up, one comes to deal with it, but now, I am aware too. I accepted them all, and now they accept me.

My alters will never do anything I wouldn't do. Like, in movies an alter commits a crime and the person says he/she wasn't there. It isn't like that, unless the person already has crime in them.

I have gotten in trouble quite s lot when my protector came to the rescue and wasn't exactly tactful, but I accept it and apologize. He once told a priest to shove it when I was visiting my mother at the hosptial, sitting in the very small spot set up for smokers, and this priest sat down and asked me to put out my cigarette. :lol:

A sense of humor does help.

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My big one tries to protect me from feeling helpless. When someone takes control over me in certain ways it comes out as rage and I dont have total control over what it does. Ive gotten written up at work for being 'rude' to some idiot at work that called me over to plug in a phone the day after I came back after being out sick (see? again its seeping out, lol!), that sort of thing. Fortunately I have gotten a hold on a lot of the rage and it doesnt control me like it did. Im aware of these parts and I accept them and what theyre trying to do for me. I think the process of healing is probably different for me. It seems like I have to figure out exactly what theyre doing and how to take those duties up myself.

Im going to ask my doc some questions when I see her next, your post has given me a lot of ideas and questions about conceptualizing and dealing with these bits of myself. Thanks! =)

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