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Hello Who Do YOU Want Me To Be?


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So Reading "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" I read something that hit home so easily that I couldn't even believe it. Obviously, I have no fucking clue who I am... I can say fucking right, well the topic say fuck so I suppose so.. if not just tell me sorry. Anyways... I have what I have always called Chameleon Syndrome. Every environment I go into I change into the person that those people "expect" me to be. I suppose that is why I am so afraid of working on this BPD stuff because I don't know who I really am.I just be who other people want me to be. For those who have made steps towards recovery have you noticed changes in your identity if you suffer from Chameleon Syndrome?

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Although I've been BPD for quite some time, I can tell you that I too tend to be a Chameleon. I'm not sure why I do it. I don't know if I do it to please people, or to make myself feel better. I just re started therapy and we are going to now finally address my BPD and PTSD. I can tell you that I'm 38 years old, with 3 kids, a new X husband, I'm a R.N. who graduated almost a year ago and I'm unemployed. I have not a single clue as to who I am. I was who my X made me. He left, I fell apart and just blew in the wind. I'm now trying to either find out who I am. I'm not even sure it's possible to find out who I am in all this muck of my past. I may just have to build a new me from "scratch". I know that sounds nuts, but it's part of my core being. I don't know who I am, and I don't trust myself to even know how to find out who I am.

You're not alone. But tread easy on yourself. I know you're a ways away from seeing your doctor again, but please try to believe that you are being put in a "good place" to receive the treatment and care you need to grow.

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As much as I hate other people to go through this. I am glad I am not alone. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is MI around here. Yeah it really sucks having to wait so long to see my therapist. I am lucky I see my psychiatrist at the end of the month but that is only for 15 mins. I think it helps that I have been put on a med combo that works for me finally. I started with a new Pdoc and she has been the only one to listen to me when I said topamax worked as a mood stabilizer for me. So I am back on Wellbutrin and Topamax combo.Which work great. I think that's the only reason I am not in the hospital right now.. Plus these great support forums!!! Thanks. Good Luck to you too.. Hugs!

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  • 2 weeks later...

That has been my problem.

The chameleon syndrome.

This topic just.. drew me in, haha, and I can tell you my whole teenage years were just being someone I wasn't. Every facet of my identity. Gender, sexuality, ideals-- I tried to change them to fit people. It's like trying on masks, you know? Trying on masks for acceptance, to have that little bit of safety and stability I didn't have when I was growing up. My dad was very changeable. One moment he was superdad, all cuddly and loving and the next he was supervillain dad, evil and yelling at everything. That's what tdoc and I figured out. I haven't been seeing her for long but we've discovered roots. My mom tried her best, but you can only do so much when you're at work all the time and you have to leave your little girl with your husband. I didn't have a me, but at least now I'm figuring out who I am. I may not be too far along in the process, but I know my sexuality, my gender, I know what my name is, I know what I like, who I'm in love with, what I want out of life, and my general career choice, and for that I am proud.

I can only wish you the same luck. Find a good therapist, the only way to combat this is with GOOD TALK THERAPY. That's what my psychiatrist told me, and I know it. Good luck.

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I can only wish you the same luck. Find a good therapist, the only way to combat this is with GOOD TALK THERAPY. That's what my psychiatrist told me, and I know it. Good luck.

Good Talk therapy is definitely paramount. Meds alone will not fix the issues we BPDers have.

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I think it's important to realize that wit invalidation come and abuse comes a kind of adaptability, a mutability, that means that it's hard to practice making choices and having a firm identity. I found it easier to think of identity as a muscle, it exists, I just need to practice flexing it. It's a pretty common panic to have that you feel like you have no identity, I just wanted t reassure you that, MHO, it's about discovering who you are, than having to invent who you are from scratch. You'll get there.

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... I have not a single clue as to who I am. I was who my X made me. He left, I fell apart and just blew in the wind. I'm now trying to either find out who I am. I'm not even sure it's possible to find out who I am in all this muck of my past. I may just have to build a new me from "scratch". I know that sounds nuts, but it's part of my core being. I don't know who I am, and I don't trust myself to even know how to find out who I am. ...

Wow, this sounds so familiar. This is 100% me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I dont know about any "chameleon syndrome" but it defiantly sounds like something i do. Im always scared of hanging out with old and friends and new friends at the same time cause i wont no how to act. I feel like the people who like me only like me because im like them. I tend to change my likes, dislikes, fashin, perspective on life because of other people. I have no idea who i really am because i cant separate what i truly like and just what my friends like. I have a very difficult time when people ask me what type of person i am or what i like because im so unsure of everything about myself. I wish so much that i could find my elf, and lately its gotten so bad that when im in a group of friends i try not to speak cause im so nervous of doing or saying the wrong thing and being found out of what i am.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm new here. This is the very first thread I've read.

This is exactly how I've always felt. I've always knew it but never admitted it to anyone other than myself.

I'm 48 years old, a mother, a grandmother, a wife, an ex-wife, a daughter, and a sister. I am my relationship to others (which differs wth each.) I have no real identity myself and have been trying to explore myself for the last month or so. I still don't know.

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So Reading "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" I read something that hit home so easily that I couldn't even believe it. Obviously, I have no fucking clue who I am... I can say fucking right, well the topic say fuck so I suppose so.. if not just tell me sorry. Anyways... I have what I have always called Chameleon Syndrome. Every environment I go into I change into the person that those people "expect" me to be. I suppose that is why I am so afraid of working on this BPD stuff because I don't know who I really am.I just be who other people want me to be. For those who have made steps towards recovery have you noticed changes in your identity if you suffer from Chameleon Syndrome?

Honestly I find knowing who you are to be overrated. Nobody understands themselves fully. Nobody knows who they really are. We are always changing and fairly unpredictable. Thus our identity is quite fluid. When the worrying about this stops that's when I think you'll have peace of mind.

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So Reading "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" I read something that hit home so easily that I couldn't even believe it. Obviously, I have no fucking clue who I am... I can say fucking right, well the topic say fuck so I suppose so.. if not just tell me sorry. Anyways... I have what I have always called Chameleon Syndrome. Every environment I go into I change into the person that those people "expect" me to be. I suppose that is why I am so afraid of working on this BPD stuff because I don't know who I really am.I just be who other people want me to be. For those who have made steps towards recovery have you noticed changes in your identity if you suffer from Chameleon Syndrome?

Honestly I find knowing who you are to be overrated. Nobody understands themselves fully. Nobody knows who they really are. We are always changing and fairly unpredictable. Thus our identity is quite fluid. When the worrying about this stops that's when I think you'll have peace of mind.

And yet, while it's true that identity is a lifelong process, and nobody has fully solved that puzzle, the BPD symptom to which the OP is referring is much more severe and pathological than that, and does have to be worked on in therapy. Personally, I used to think that I had no soul, and that I might actually not be a human being at all. It's just not normal to believe that for any extended period of time, and ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

I'm new here. This is the very first thread I've read.

This is exactly how I've always felt. I've always knew it but never admitted it to anyone other than myself.

I'm 48 years old, a mother, a grandmother, a wife, an ex-wife, a daughter, and a sister. I am my relationship to others (which differs wth each.) I have no real identity myself and have been trying to explore myself for the last month or so. I still don't know.

Welcome to the boards - glad you found us. Feel free to lurk for a bit or dive in and post, whatever feels more comfortable.

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Fair enough tryp, what I said was probably insensitive. Even when I'm depressed I believe awful things about myself and think them constantly which is clearly not healthy. I don't know how or when I stopped caring so much about my crappy thoughts. But I probably shouldn't invalidate or dismiss this kind of thinking as super easy to just overcome or ignore. Because I was in it for a good portion of the last 2 and a half years and wasn't able to just stop.

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I'm new here. This is the very first thread I've read.

This is exactly how I've always felt. I've always knew it but never admitted it to anyone other than myself.

I'm 48 years old, a mother, a grandmother, a wife, an ex-wife, a daughter, and a sister. I am my relationship to others (which differs wth each.) I have no real identity myself and have been trying to explore myself for the last month or so. I still don't know.

Welcome to the boards - glad you found us. Feel free to lurk for a bit or dive in and post, whatever feels more comfortable.

Thank you, tryp :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well been a while... hanging in the depression, but this is truly home...

I so rely on the situation to dictate the role I am to play,, and I wonder why my self esteem is so low, but then it is spread over the various people/roles I take on in hopes that, yes,

somewhere I might fit in and be able to realize I am not wearing anyone's expectation...

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