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Hi everyone,

I am new here, just registered on the advice of a friend. I had ECT four to five months ago and it really helped my severe, lifelong depression. I was really feeling like I had a grip on my life again and could function and even be happy. In the past week, I have been spiralling down hill again. I quit smoking two and half months ago and am wondering if that has anything to do with it. Honestly, I would go back to smoking if I thought it would help. I feel hopeless, worthless and can't stop crying. My mother said I should come home and have ECT again. She acts like it's no big deal even though it is a very traumatic experience in my opinion even though it definitely works. I just don't feel like I can I have ECT every few months for the rest of my life. I am living somewhere where I don't have insurance so would have to go across the country again to have it. I just got a very part time job, and don't want to be bail on it. I am on disability and staying with a friend at the moment. I have done everything, tried every drug, and I just can't go on like this anymore. Does anyone else feel this way? Is my life just destined to be a nightmare forever?

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What kind of follow up care have you had, after your series of ECT? If you aren't currently on any meds, it might make sense to try that before doing another round of ECT. Some people do seem to need to repeat ECT over time. What does your doctor have to say?

As far as your job situation, if you relapse into full on depression, which it sounds like you think is happening, you probably won't be able to keep up with a job anyway. So take care of yourself first.

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Maintenance ECT sucks, it really does - I gave it up after a year because my memory was so bad i could not function and ppl were telling me i was turning into a vegetable. ECT is usually given as a last resort - Personally i would give the meds a go if you can.

What Sylvan says is absolute gold, find a good therapist and a Dr who can prescribe meds for you. Talk out aspects that are distressing you with a therapist and try and find a med or a combo of meds that work for you. Remember that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

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I agree with the others about meds. It's like ECT jump starts you, and then the meds keep you going. I know you said you've tried every drug, but there are endless combinations that you might have to try to get relief.

Yes, ECT is traumatic. But as you say, it works. I felt like you did for a long time, like I just couldn't go on anymore. I had to have ECT 3 times (as in, 3 rounds of ECT, 12-14 zaps per round) in the period of just over a year, and do some major medication searching before I found a combination that worked for me. It sucks sometimes, as I have pretty much NO memory of the last 6 years, but I'm alive, and I don't think I would be if not for the ECT.

When you're really suffering, I think the "quick fix" of ECT is really worth it, but then you've got to have meds and therapy to keep you going.

Best wishes!

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am glad to at least hear a few people say they got some relief with ECT. Never had it myself, but after 20 years of creative med combinations (many that worked for a year or more) I have finnaly come to MAOI-A and it was great for 8 months, but just like other meds my Parnate is now slowly fading in effectivness. I am even trying now to augment it with Nortriptilyne to get more time from Parnate.

Why do I keep growing resistant to my drug therapies? I'm afrade that I really have tried most everything worth trying and now I feel i've hit a dead end. ECT? God! I'm scared to death of it, but what else can I do? How will I ever afford ECT...Not sure my insurance would even cover it. Worse yet...What about my job? I can't just tell my boss "hey i need 4 weeks off so I can have my brain shocked."

That kind of shit doesn't go over too well at work.

Maybe I could try a switch from Parnate to Nardil and get another 8 months of relief. It's all about what I can do to even squeeze out just a few months of functionality from a drug or combination of drugs. I remember the good ole days when Zoloft did the trick for 3 full years. Nowadays even the most powerful drug combinations are failing me. What is happening to me? am I getting worse or just more med resistant over time?

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  • 4 months later...

Okay, I realize this is a very late response but I was wondering how you were doing and if you wanted any more info. about ECT. Hope you are well.

I am glad to at least hear a few people say they got some relief with ECT. Never had it myself, but after 20 years of creative med combinations (many that worked for a year or more) I have finnaly come to MAOI-A and it was great for 8 months, but just like other meds my Parnate is now slowly fading in effectivness. I am even trying now to augment it with Nortriptilyne to get more time from Parnate.

Why do I keep growing resistant to my drug therapies? I'm afrade that I really have tried most everything worth trying and now I feel i've hit a dead end. ECT? God! I'm scared to death of it, but what else can I do? How will I ever afford ECT...Not sure my insurance would even cover it. Worse yet...What about my job? I can't just tell my boss "hey i need 4 weeks off so I can have my brain shocked."

That kind of shit doesn't go over too well at work.

Maybe I could try a switch from Parnate to Nardil and get another 8 months of relief. It's all about what I can do to even squeeze out just a few months of functionality from a drug or combination of drugs. I remember the good ole days when Zoloft did the trick for 3 full years. Nowadays even the most powerful drug combinations are failing me. What is happening to me? am I getting worse or just more med resistant over time?

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Hi everyone,

I am new here, just registered on the advice of a friend.

Welcome

Honestly, I would go back to smoking if I thought it would help.

I wouldn't. Congratulations for quitting, I hope you can stay quitted. I quit years ago and I still want one, but have managed to not start up again. They are so expensive now. It's just one less addiction/problem not to have to deal with.

I feel hopeless, worthless and can't stop crying.

I get that way sometimes. I have written down in several places "this too shall pass". Corny and old-fashioned but it is the truth. In 100 years I will not be depressed. Not trying to be cute or funny. It is something for my f'ed up mind to grab onto.

I have done everything, tried every drug, and I just can't go on like this anymore.

Do you have any county or state community mental health places where you live - in case you still have no insurance.

Have you talked to a t-doc (psychologist)? I realize you probably have but just checking. As others have mentioned, a good t-doc is essential for beating depression. Every t-doc I have ever talked with has always made me feel better. Those people have to go to school for something like 12 years. They really want to help people. They cannot prescribe meds though.

Have you talked (I'm sure you probably have but just checking) to a p-doc/psychiatrist? I know you have tried many meds, but a good p-doc can tweak the chemicals almost infinitely. I had to see 4 p-docs before I found one who would look me in the eye and listen. That is the most important thing for me. I want to be heard. If they jack you around and check their watch/cellphone then I am leaving.

Does anyone else feel this way?

yep, but it always passes given enough time, therapy, and meds.

Is my life just destined to be a nightmare forever?

Absolutely not. Make your priorities finding a psychiatrist and a psychologist. When you talk with the psychiatrist don't hold back. Spill your guts and ask them for help. They talk to many patients and in my experience you really have to beat them over the head (figuratively speaking) and tell them how you feel. Ask them for help straight up. I can't emphasize that enough. Before you leave their office make sure they know "you just can't go on like this anymore" like you stated above. If you qualify for free or sliding scale fees you should be able to get assistance with meds.

Last thing from me. I noticed you checked back on your thread 6 months later and asked another poster how they were doing. That is the main reason why I am replying to you. You are an awesome person and you deserve happiness. That is so totally selfless - seriously. You are having difficulties but are putting someone else ahead of yourself. That lifts my spirits to see that - a lot. I hope you breed and have awesome kids to help fix this shithole world! At least be a teacher or something.

How about an update? How are you doing?

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My depression got better after this posting. I went up on one of my meds (Lexapro) and it seemed to work. Then, about a month ago, I went down on it again to see if I could recover some of my sex drive. My mood dropped precipitously. So I am back to thirty mg. of Lexapro, 50 of Seroquel and 5 of Abilify. Plus Ativan. I am starting to feel a bit better. Thanks for all the kind and informative replies. I am glad I found this site.

Hi everyone,

I am new here, just registered on the advice of a friend.

Welcome

Honestly, I would go back to smoking if I thought it would help.

I wouldn't. Congratulations for quitting, I hope you can stay quitted. I quit years ago and I still want one, but have managed to not start up again. They are so expensive now. It's just one less addiction/problem not to have to deal with.

I feel hopeless, worthless and can't stop crying.

I get that way sometimes. I have written down in several places "this too shall pass". Corny and old-fashioned but it is the truth. In 100 years I will not be depressed. Not trying to be cute or funny. It is something for my f'ed up mind to grab onto.

I have done everything, tried every drug, and I just can't go on like this anymore.

Do you have any county or state community mental health places where you live - in case you still have no insurance.

Have you talked to a t-doc (psychologist)? I realize you probably have but just checking. As others have mentioned, a good t-doc is essential for beating depression. Every t-doc I have ever talked with has always made me feel better. Those people have to go to school for something like 12 years. They really want to help people. They cannot prescribe meds though.

Have you talked (I'm sure you probably have but just checking) to a p-doc/psychiatrist? I know you have tried many meds, but a good p-doc can tweak the chemicals almost infinitely. I had to see 4 p-docs before I found one who would look me in the eye and listen. That is the most important thing for me. I want to be heard. If they jack you around and check their watch/cellphone then I am leaving.

Does anyone else feel this way?

yep, but it always passes given enough time, therapy, and meds.

Is my life just destined to be a nightmare forever?

Absolutely not. Make your priorities finding a psychiatrist and a psychologist. When you talk with the psychiatrist don't hold back. Spill your guts and ask them for help. They talk to many patients and in my experience you really have to beat them over the head (figuratively speaking) and tell them how you feel. Ask them for help straight up. I can't emphasize that enough. Before you leave their office make sure they know "you just can't go on like this anymore" like you stated above. If you qualify for free or sliding scale fees you should be able to get assistance with meds.

Last thing from me. I noticed you checked back on your thread 6 months later and asked another poster how they were doing. That is the main reason why I am replying to you. You are an awesome person and you deserve happiness. That is so totally selfless - seriously. You are having difficulties but are putting someone else ahead of yourself. That lifts my spirits to see that - a lot. I hope you breed and have awesome kids to help fix this shithole world! At least be a teacher or something.

How about an update? How are you doing?

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