Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I may be bipolar and could use some support


Recommended Posts

I was at my counseling session today, and we were talking about stuff, and about how I have a lot of ups and downs, and while they were there before I was on medication, all the SSRIs I've recently been on have greatly exacerbated this...and we were talking about this week and how I was all go-go-go, not sleeping but not tired, irritable etc...until last night when I quick-flipped and crashed. And my counselor also mentioned how after the last time we met she had been thinking about things...and she thinks that I may be bipolar.

At first I was kind of like, yeah, whatever...but now that I've had some time for it to sink in, I'm honestly pretty upset. I know that I have no real reason to be upset...bipolar doesn't equal crazy, I'm already in therapy, and have been on meds...but bipolar is much more severe than my previous diagnoses of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and OCD. I think part of the reason I'm so upset is that I don't want to tell my parents. I know that they'll brush it off, say it couldn't possibly be true and that I'm overreacting. This will lead to a fight, and I'm in no mood for that at all right now.

It's interesting too though, because my friend said to me not too long ago that he thinks I'm bipolar (apparently he's noticed my mood swings...but he is bipolar himself, so it might be something that he's more in tune with than most)...when he said that, I didn't care and was just like, okay, whatever...but now that a professional has said the same thing, I;m thinking that maybe there's truth in it.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for April 15th which is pretty far away, and actually, was only to try and get sorted out some meds for my anxiety...but now I guess there's this to talk about as well. I'm not sure if I should try and find someone who I could see sooner though. It would obviously be good, but the guy I have an appointment with is very highly recommended by everyone at my school, and by my friend (he's the one who gave me the name and number in the first place actually)...

Ugh.

I just don't even want to deal with any of this!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think bipolar disorder is necessarily more serious than GAD or OCD. Anxiety disorders can impair one's functioning horribly.

SSRI's elicit hypomanias in some people who are not otherwise bipolar, so your experiences with meds isn't necessarily diagnostically significant.

You don't have to tell your parents anything. You're an adult. You can choose what you do or do not want to tell them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that I don't have to tell my parents anything yet...but I will eventually because they'll find out something up either way since I'm on their health insurance.

I don't know if my experiences are diagnostically significant, but I'm messed up even without meds, and always have been (and yes, I see myself as being messed up, please hold any and all comments you may have about that)...so the fact that I have crazy anxiety and mood swings is diagnostically significant whether meds are in the mix or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OK, I didn't get that the mood swings had gone on without medication. Sorry for missing that.

You are an adult. Even though you're on your parents' health insurance, it is illegal for any of your health care providers to give your parents information about your health, or the care you're receiving. So, the most they could conceivably know would be something like the number of doctor visits you had.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We understand...nobody 'wants' to be bipolar. It is a 'major mental illness' that puts one up in the big leagues. It can be very hard to accept having the illness.

The good news is that having a correct diagnosis means you haave been set on the road that leads to correct treatment, and leading a more stable and happier life.

I agree that raising the issue with your parents probably isn't important now. Wait till after you have seen the pdoc and gotten an official dx first.

We have lots of info pinned at the top of the BP forum.

I also strongly recommned "The Bipolar Survival Guide" by Miklowitz either in the CB Store, or Amazon for about $15

also Dr. Jim Phelps sight http://www.psycheducation.org/ for BPII'ers, but has lots of good info for all bipolars.

Best, a.m.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are bipolar, then it will help your life, your happiness, to receive treatment. If you are a mood stabilizer could be a great thing for you. And there are all types, flavors, degrees of manic depression. I wish I had been diagnosed when I was youngeer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't panic and get too hung up on a diagnosis. All that is important is that you find relief from your symptoms. If you are having mood swings, your pdoc will probably put you on a mood stabilizer. I am on 2 mood stabilizers, and I have unipolar depression (though sometimes I wonder if it's not BP II). So in my case, I try to find the meds that work, and I don't care all that much about the diagnosis.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing is, a diagnosis is just a description of a specific group of symptoms that tend to go together, and to be helped by similar treatments. So, if bipolar is the description that most closely matches your specific set of symptoms, then you've got a good start on finding meds that will really help. And, arguably, meds tend to work more consistently for bipolar than for anxiety disorders.

Nothing has changed for you, as far as how crazy you actually are, or aren't. You've just got another way of thinking about your crazy. Try it on, think about it, see how it feels. Nothing's set in stone. It's just a thought your counselor had, and passed along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The way I see it, all a diagnosis is is a name set to a series of behaviors, chemical or adapted. The reason that name is there is to help you and others in your support team(tdoc, pdoc) better identify it, and to help your pdoc give you what you need to deal with it. That's what I think, personally. So don't let it stress you too much. You don't need to tell your parents if you don't really want to.

My pdoc brings my mom in because she's the one that lives with me and can evaluate how my medications are affecting me, if my moods are getting out of control or if they're stable, but honestly? I keep her in the loop because I know she won't freak out too much.

Like someone else said, don't dwell on the diagnosis too much. Just concentrate on what your support team can do to make your life easier, okay?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mom called me last night, and I ended up bringing it up...and as suspected, it blew up in my face. I knew I shouldn't have...I told her that my counselor isn't sure that anxiety is my only problem, so then she of course asked what my counselor did think. I softened it a bit and said that my counselor thinks I may have a bipolar spectrum disorder knowing that if I said bipolar all hell would break loose, and my mom completely brushed it off. She said that she doubted that because she knows me, and she knows people who are bipolar and I'm not like that etc. So during that I'm thinking that she really doesn't know me all that well because unless she saw and ignored that I was having problems when they first started, she sure as heck isn't that perceptive because guess what! I went out of my way to tell my parents what was going on so I could get help (I was a minor then), and they seemed pretty surprised, and definitely didn't understand...so I'm not sure why she thinks she would notice much else like that...and I also tried saying that bipolar spectrum and bipolar are not the same to which she responded "I know." Ugh!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I cried when I got my BP dx. Now it's neither here nor there to me.

I'm sorry if your parents are invalidating. A lot of people have a perception of what BP is like, and they often don't realize (or forget) that BP comes in different forms.

Parents want us to be perfect. Sometimes it feels awful, but it's just how they are. She might be in denial. She may accept it some day.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just focus on getting good treatment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing is with my parents, things aren't "real" unless there is a "reason" or "justification" i.e. a traumatic event. I don't even think my parents really think that my anxiety and OCD are real issues because you can't pinpoint a reason such as an event that could have triggered them. However, my sister who has depression is acknowledged because there's a reason behind it (she was molested).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing is with my parents, things aren't "real" unless there is a "reason" or "justification" i.e. a traumatic event. I don't even think my parents really think that my anxiety and OCD are real issues because you can't pinpoint a reason such as an event that could have triggered them. However, my sister who has depression is acknowledged because there's a reason behind it (she was molested).

They also don't want to blame themselves because that is what a genetic answer is in some people's eyes. And, of course, they don't want life to be any more difficult for their child than it is normally. Easier to deny than admit chronic illness, which would probably be hard for them to accept even if not the mental type. Also, there is the sad reality that some people have big prejudices and are seriously challenged to get around them when someone in their own family turns out to have one. Your mom probably has the big, bad crazy version of bipolar in her head, which is scary.

Unfortunately, a lot of people diagnosed with MIs need to caretake their families at first (or forever) instead of getting the support they need themselves. That's just the way it is with a stigmatized illness that is significant.

My parents were in denial when I told them. I suspect that the only reason why they came round was because my mom previously had to commit my uncle a couple times. Kinda hard to deny that crazy runs in the family. Still, they had a hard time accepting that it could be a problem for their own daughter. Now, they accept but worry and for some inexplicable reason on some level feel guilty.

Although your mom is disapointing you, and it is normal to feel unseen and angry, try to look at the situation from her perspective with all of her biases and powerfully wanting you to be well. She has a story in this, too.

When the time is right, try sharing this info on soft bipolar on psycheducation. It compares depression and anxiety to soft bipolar.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Genetics certainly isn't her fault if my problems are genetic! I'm adopted...so she has absolutely nothing to do with my genes.

Sad as it is, my mom probably does have the big bad image of bipolar in her head, even though my aunt (her sister!) has bipolar...or maybe because of that. My aunt has fairly severe BP I and psychosis and for a long time refused medication or help of any sort...and things were rough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just checked my email...My counselor just emailed me about an hour ago with the name of another psychiatrist in the area who apparently doesn't have a long wait period (~2 weeks) and his info, so I might try and get in with him because the sooner I get this figured out, the better...but I really do want to see the pdoc that my friend suggested and I have an appointment with because he's well known in the area and highly recommended..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...