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Hi all,

Been a while since I've been on. Don't know if anyone even remembers me. Still struggling with depression but I am really trying to take steps to get better. I dropped out of college and I have been taking a few weeks off from work to try to get my head on straight on. I realized I really got to get this straight now or the rest of my life could be messed up. I finally found the love of my life. Before I thought once I found him everything would be okay and I wouldn't have to deal with the crippling waves of depression. Wrong. I am the happiest I ever been but depression will sneak up and rear its ugly head. I have literally been alone for 3 years and now I have someone by my side.

It so hard for me to lean on him and let him help me. I go through those crazy crying spells when nothing makes sense and I feel like I am dying. I can tell how much it hurts him and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. I want kids and I don't want them to see this. I grew up in a household where everything depended on how my father was feeling. I won't go into that because I am tired of bringing up the past . I just want to move forward, be happy and have my own family.

I'm just really confused on how to handle..well having someone loving me so much no matter what my flaws. He looks at me like I'm the most precious thing to him and I'm so scared I am going to let him down. I love him so much. We had a rocky relationship in the beginning. I might go into that later but not now but we have known each other for a year and a half and been formally dating for 5 months. It's amazing 2 years ago I thought I was going to die alone and now I can actually imagine a future with someone.

I dropped out of school cause I have no idea what I am doing. My grades are crap and I just don't care anymore. Burnt out. It feels so good not to worry about grades. My parents won't be happy but what can they do? I am 24 years old, living on my own, paying my own bills. Frankly I think if they would have actually tried to help support me I would have probably succeeded. But I sat in tiny apartment for 2 years with literally no friends and no outside contact. All I did was work and go to school. I'm sure some off you know how easy it is to cut yourself off from people when you are in a deep depression. I saw my family maybe every 3 months. I think I am lucky I didn't kill myself looking back on it. It was surely by the grace of God that i didn't do anything stupid.

So now I am going to start talking on here cause I know you all know how depression everything seem so black and gray.

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It's wonderful to have a place to come back to and not be judged for your absence. I can't be of much help to you, as I am in that deep, dark place we call depression. I hope you find comfort here and are able to get some insight and great guidance. I dropped out of school last semester. I was so burnt out ( recently graduated with my R.N.), and dove right back in to school for my BSN knowing full and well that my heart wasn't in it and that I just wasn't really functional. It's ok though, we can get back on that "horse" if and when we want too. Best of luck to you and your new love.

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Hi aubrngirl. Im sorry to hear things are going well for you at the moment. A positive note is that you have returned to crazyboards seeking support. We are here to help you.

Maybe a starting point for you would be to get a little more specific. Have you been diagnosed? Are you seeing a psychiatrist? What about a therapist? Which meds are you on? Have you tried any self help books?

Look forward to hearing from you.

Chimp

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