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Being bipolar; what are your worst fears ?


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I fear that I will bring everything down around me through destructive actions, breaking my relationship, losing my kids and rupturing with my close friends and family.

I fear to go back to the way I was before being medicated and recreate that shifting living hell with my girlfriend and kids in the middle.

I learned this week-end that ex best friend, with whom I went through 14 years of school up to college graduation, and continued to see for a couple of years afterwards, decided to stop seeing me and my actual girlfriend because everytime he saw us and since a long time, I was fighting with her and went through all those shitty days induced by bipolarity... it became so hard that he just left, without any word on the true reason he did...

I will try to renew with him pretty soon. Since I've been officially diagnosed Bipolar last week (following a deep introspection on how my past life had really been), I think that I can now explain why I was so, you know... 1 year and a half after starting Wellbutrin for depression, I was finally able to accept who I was and understand how my past thinking of myself was greatly, I mean greatly caused by my manic induced superiority disorder. I am bipolar and I can now live my life knowing why I did all those things in the past.

That's what I fear, losing people around me because of my (now that I know) bipolarity.

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I fear that I will bring everything down around me through destructive actions, breaking my relationship, losing my kids and rupturing with my close friends and family.

I fear to go back to the way I was before being medicated and recreate that shifting living hell with my girlfriend and kids in the middle.

I learned this week-end that ex best friend, with whom I went through 14 years of school up to college graduation, and continued to see for a couple of years afterwards, decided to stop seeing me and my actual girlfriend because everytime he saw us and since a long time, I was fighting with her and went through all those shitty days induced by bipolarity... it became so hard that he just left, without any word on the true reason he did...

I will try to renew with him pretty soon. Since I've been officially diagnosed Bipolar last week (following a deep introspection on how my past life had really been), I think that I can now explain why I was so, you know... 1 year and a half after starting Wellbutrin for depression, I was finally able to accept who I was and understand how my past thinking of myself was greatly, I mean greatly caused by my manic induced superiority disorder. I am bipolar and I can now live my life knowing why I did all those things in the past.

That's what I fear, losing people around me because of my (now that I know) bipolarity.

Bipolar may be a reason why we do some things. It is almost never an excuse. We remain responsible for our actions always, even when it seems unfair. Take care in the way you explain you diagnosis.

You might want to wait until you get on a true mood stabilizer. If you do not feel a real difference in stability, a second opinion might be in order.

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I fear that I will bring everything down around me through destructive actions, breaking my relationship, losing my kids and rupturing with my close friends and family.

I fear to go back to the way I was before being medicate and recreate that shifting living hell with my girlfriend and kids in the middle.

I learned this week-end that ex best friend, with whom I went through 14 years of school up to college graduation, and continued to see for a couple of years afterwards, decided to stop seeing me and my actual girlfriend because everytime he saw us and since a long time, I was fighting with her and went through all those shitty days induced by bipolarity... it became so hard that he just left, without any word on the true reason he did...

I will try to renew with him pretty soon. Since I've been officially diagnosed Bipolar last week (following a deep introspection on how my past life had really been), I think that I can now explain why I was so, you know... 1 year and a half after starting Wellbutrin for depression, I was finally able to accept who I was and understand how my past thinking of myself was greatly, I mean greatly caused by my manic induced superiority disorder. I am bipolar and I can now live my life knowing why I did all those things in the past.

That's what I fear, losing people around me because of my (now that I know) bipolarity.

Bipolar may be a reason why we do some things. It is almost never an excuse. We remain responsible for our

actions always, even when it seems unfair. Take care in the way you explain you diagnosis.

You might want to wait until you get on a true mood stabilizer. If you do not feel a real difference in stability, a second opinion might be in order.

I agree.

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I fear that I will bring everything down around me through destructive actions, breaking my relationship, losing my kids and rupturing with my close friends and family.

I fear to go back to the way I was before being medicated and recreate that shifting living hell with my girlfriend and kids in the middle.

I learned this week-end that ex best friend, with whom I went through 14 years of school up to college graduation, and continued to see for a couple of years afterwards, decided to stop seeing me and my actual girlfriend because everytime he saw us and since a long time, I was fighting with her and went through all those shitty days induced by bipolarity... it became so hard that he just left, without any word on the true reason he did...

I will try to renew with him pretty soon. Since I've been officially diagnosed Bipolar last week (following a deep introspection on how my past life had really been), I think that I can now explain why I was so, you know... 1 year and a half after starting Wellbutrin for depression, I was finally able to accept who I was and understand how my past thinking of myself was greatly, I mean greatly caused by my manic induced superiority disorder. I am bipolar and I can now live my life knowing why I did all those things in the past.

That's what I fear, losing people around me because of my (now that I know) bipolarity.

Bipolar may be a reason why we do some things. It is almost never an excuse. We remain responsible for our actions always, even when it seems unfair. Take care in the way you explain you diagnosis.

You might want to wait until you get on a true mood stabilizer. If you do not feel a real difference in stability, a second opinion might be in order.

Thank you for your concern and I agree with you Stacia. I will never deny all that I did and to whom, but today, I feel like I can work to correct some wrongs or mistakes that I've made in the past.

Just to make it clear and indeed take care of the way I explain myself, my diagnosis was made by my pdoc last week. She took all that I blurted out, with the added explanations of my girlfriend, and confirmed the bipolar II disorder. This is actually a second opinion for me because the last time (18 mths ago), it was depression with anxiety and mood swings she diagnosed. The bipolar confirmation came as a huge relief; it explained so much.

My pdoc told me that if ever my present medication was not enough, to come back so that we can adjust my meds. A mood stabilizer might be better for me, but who knows... I'll let her decide on this and work with her to attain a better stability.

I feel down since yesterday...

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To address the original question...I'm terrified that I won't catch symptoms early enough, or that treatment won't work, to the point that I end up unable to function again. My two episodes (only ones so far) both required hospitalization b/c of how bad they got and how quickly. I'm under the care of a good pdoc and tdoc, so hopefully that'll keep things in balance (I wasn't at the beginning of either episode).

The bigger fear, related to that, is that, as a result of being unable to function, I'll royally fuck over my clients and lose my professional license, and/or destroy my relationships. I reassure myself with the fact that the job is heavily supervised, structured, and that I wouldn't get to the point of being unable to function without someone noticing, whether an office mate or supervisor. They're in tuned enough with mental health stuff that they'd recognize it if I was displaying it. And, as far as the relationship, she's had an episode of depression requiring hospitalization when she was younger...so although I can't ever be confident that it would survive, I think it would.

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Guest Vapourware

I'm more afraid of the depressive side of my illness, because that has impaired me the most. Along with the depression comes the inability to function and the pain of existence. It's not a good place to be when I'm depressed and I hope I don't plunge into the abyss again.

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Echo never feeling stable. Worry about being hospitalized again, screwing up at work, being a bad mother, passing it on to my kid through nature and/or nurture, being a really bad partner when the psychosis hits. The list goes on. I hate being bipolar so bad...

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My worst fears with my bipolar type II is that I'll hurt my husband in my hypomanic phaze (only had that 2 times so far) or in my depressive phaze (happens WAY more often) that I'll just feel so down that I won't be able to get out of it (i haven't felt suicidal so far, thank God) but yeah, I worry about not being stable and having to deal with this constant cycle of feeling alright then depressed then alright again coupled with far rarer stints of feeling hypomanic and doing stupid ass stuff like spending too much money and action out sexually :( I just want to feel good without going into hypomania or depression!! :( It worries me how much my rollercoaster moods puts a strain on hubby and our son :(

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My worst fears are probably pretty typical. I fear that my husband will divorce me and take the children. I fear another hospitalization. I fear that my memory will deteriorate so far that I'll only be able to remember what's happened and been said to me today.

Then I have other fears... that my financial situation (due, in large part, to my MI) will spiral even further out of control. Tonight I feared that a leaking water main broke in front of our house would explode and send shrapnel of the street through my house at high speeds, killing everyone. A backhoe and a jackhammer fixed the pipe, but with such a small copper pipe that I personally question if that will rupture in the near future.

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Pretty much what Vapourware said. I've been mildly depressed for the better part of the last few months and I am very afraid that I'm going to crash into a horrible depressive episode. Or a mixed episode. I just don't want to hate myself and not want to deal with the hassle of life. I'm also afraid that I will lose my mind and that my husband will leave me.

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Each episode keeps coming back faster and faster. It terrifies me. What happens when i cant control it anymore. I wont be able to keep a job or have a decant relationship. The whole thing in general scares me. I don't want to do it one more time!!!!!!!

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I think my worst fear is that I will physically hurt a member of my family. But that's impossible because I will hurt myself first. But my brain offers that fear to me as if to say, "OK, I want you to entertain your worst nightmare in the middle of the night when there's no one to help you."

Stacia said: "Bipolar may be a reason why we do some things. It is almost never an excuse. We remain responsible for our actions always, even when it seems unfair."

I might have disagreed with that during the recent episode, yet I was able to not speed thru an elementary school zone, whereas I was just ripping everywhere else in my pickup. The local police were seriously remiss

in not arresting me. I got tickets in the suburbs however.

I did "try to flag a ride" in the school zone, but that I think was just life imitating the art of bluesman Robert Johnson's Crossroad Blues. (And, nobody seemed to know me. Everybody passed me by.

Which is a hoot in retrospect.)

(Edit: And before anybody reproves me for saying "a hoot" -- I mean it in the pathetic sense. Not the "isn't mania fun" sense.

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