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do your intrusive thoughts *hurt*


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it used to be when i got depressed i could hide in bed and sleep life away.

now i can't do that. i can only sleep at night when i take seroquel to knock me out.

but i keep trying. i lay in bed and try so hard to fall asleep.

that's when i notice intrusive thoughts more than any other time. i'll be thinking about one thing, then BAM comes some random bad thought or distorted kind of horrifying image. when it happens, i can feel it stabbing my chest every single time. i can feel my body relaxing, then BAM the pain in the chest when the thought comes, and my whole body becomes tense again.

after doing this several times i just give up on trying to sleep. i get up feeling worse than when i tried to sleep it away in the first place.

it's not like an "i can't breathe" pain like a panic attack. it's sharper and faster and startling, like someone actually just stabbed me.

how crazy is this? because it's been going on for months and it's driving me nuts(er).

please tell me this is a normal part of something i already have.

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I think that it is a normal part of your illness because I get something similar. I know mine is the remanant of OCD, and the pain I feel is the shot of adrenaline I get from the bad thoughts.

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omfg yes! it DOES have a "rush" to it, which i thought was high anxiety, which maybe is adrenaline... and why i cannot stay lying down or be someplace too quiet because that's when they get me most... i crave silence because i'm so depressed everything is overwhelming, but at the same time, i can't let things be too quiet lest there's nothing to distract me from this *whatever* that won't leave me alone... argh

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Lysergia, I think I also do the same thing you describe but I would take it up with your doc.

If I understand Nautilus, I kinda use the same technique. Which is interesting to me that we should both do that. So, I try and flip the intrusive thought into something funny or with me in the ascendancy somehow. Most of the time my response images/concepts are re-runs of prior response images/concepts.

And, Lysergia, thank you very much for the concern you expressed to me the other day. I really was feeling trapped. "Are you safe Will" was just magical somehow.

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thanks alien, nautilus, will...

i feel better now that this isn't something so weird it'll make things even more complicated. the last thing i need is a new symptom of something ELSE... if it's a new symptom of something i already have, i can deal with that better. if that makes sense at all!

i use stop-sign imagery for negative thoughts, but it doesn't seem to work nearly as well on these. i think i'm feeling so confused enough i forget what to do for a minute instead of doing it right away.

and Will, you are most welcome. i'm glad i stumbled on the magic words. and i'm glad you ARE safe.

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Ive had those (mine are much less severe but I do get an adrenal rush with them).. they always seem to pop up just as I start to drift off. I find the best way to deal with them is to think weird random stuff like a dream. stuff that doesnt bring up a reaction.

Telling yourself to stop those thoughts with that stop imagery never worked for me. Id forget to do it and the thoughts would come back. For me I think these thoughts are something like re-experiencing or dissociating.

Ever thought of raising your seroquel dose? Antidepressants will often make me more prone to these thoughts.

Another idea might be to ask your doc about prazosin. Its an alpha blocker with a short half-life that might take the kick out of that adrenal rush when youre trying to fall asleep.

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thanks creepy. it doesn't happen at night as i usually can't stay awake more than an hour after i take it (works really well that way).

i'm not sleep-deprived. i just want my old coping mechanism back of sleeping the roughest times away, and this stabbing *whatever* wont let me do it. i should be thankful i am not hypersomniac, as i've been there a long time ago and that sucked too. but without it i am left at a loss for what to do when i feel like i've tried everything else and a nap is like the last resort... whaddaya do when that last resort isn't working, either. argh. meds is what, and i don't know if medicating just to be able to sleep more than 7-8 hours a night as an escape is healthy.

i'm titrating two meds now (imipramine and lamotrigine). maybe it'll do something to make me at least stop wanting to be unconscious all the time in the first place.

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I don't know if it is something that you would want to use, but mindfulness is great for managing intrusive thoughts and rumination.

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i'll be thinking about one thing, then BAM comes some random bad thought or distorted kind of horrifying image. when it happens, i can feel it stabbing my chest every single time. i can feel my body relaxing, then BAM the pain in the chest when the thought comes, and my whole body becomes tense again.

You're definitely not alone. Add in nausea, and this is exactly what happens to me. Currently I'm really struggling with imagery from the animal abuse thread that was started a few days ago - the descriptions have put terrible pictures in my head, and just when I think I've pushed them away, they come right back. The worst right now is that the thoughts have been pushing through while I'm on my commute to work. Feeling like you need to double up and vomit isn't the best thing to happen when you're in rush hour traffic.

One thing that used to work for me (not so much now, though I'm trying to work on it) was to imagine an attic room in a big old house, and picture taking the thoughts, throwing them into the room and locking the door with enormous padlocks so that I can't get in again, and the thoughts can't get out.

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