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Putting self down all the time


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I am in the process of self loathing and hating myself. i have been accepting responsibility for all my wrong doings, going through old journals and memories and going "what the hell"

I was a slut, a drunk, high all the time and just plain old stupid for what I have done, I was drunk and high all day every day for my 18th yr of life. I slept with 27 people by the time I was 18....

I feel humiliated bringing back memories, and finding blackouts, not remember at all parts of my life, like I was too shit faced to even remember. I feel like crap and this whole self acceptance thing is a bummer, but my therapist says I need to accept responsibility and move on. I have accepted but it is the moving on part I am having trouble with.

Any input?

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Guest Vapourware

I think forgiving yourself is part of being able to move on. Being able to say, "Yes I've done this, yes it was a mistake, I forgive myself for making those mistakes" is important, but difficult. Being able to let go of what you've done in the past and being able to let yourself live in the present is also important. Part of it is your choice as to whether you decide to let the past continue to take hold of you or if you can let go.

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The past is the past. You cannot change it and sitting around and feeling bad about it will not change it. It just is. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. You no doubt are a better person because you lived through it and survived. You know what not to do. There is no point in dwelling on what is in the past and beating yourself up over it. It serves no purpose and just makes you feel bad. Concentrate on the present. Work on the present for a better future. Forget the past.

EDIT: You are not a bad person. You didn't kill anyone. So don't go beating yourself up.

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Its a difficult thing to go through. I also self-loathe. People can tell you that you are a good person until they are blue in the face; it doesnt make any difference.

I agree, however that you really do need to forgive yourself before you can move on.

Good luck and keep posting.

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Accepting yourself about the past is a very hard thing to do, and moving on from any situation is hard. Self loathing is a huge factor in depression aswell. I have so much self loathing, and even when people say positive things about you, you still feel bad and crappy about yourself.

It can be done, it takes time and effort but you can accept everything and move on.

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I struggle with self-loathing everyday. Sometimes I think that maybe we haven't really accepted what we've done and forgiven ourselves, and that's what keeps us from moving on. People can validate us day and night, but we really have to get it from within ourselves. This is the "muck" that keeps us from growing into the person we need to be. I just wish I knew how to get thru the forgiveness of self phase. You are not alone.

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Hi Sweetpeas,

I hear you, I had problems in my teens with sleeping around too. I made poor choices back then, but had I had meds I might have been more balanced and made better choices. It's never easy to forgive yourself for bad decision making, but t is possible. I think moving on means accepting the past and learning from it. That's at least what it means to me. Regardless, you did hurt yourself in the past but all you can do is make better choices now. :) Glad to see you on the board and in chat! :D

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Hi, what does 'accepting' something mean to you, Sweetpeas?

I ask because often in therapy, people think that when their tdoc asks them to accept something, the ave to say 'it's okay that it happened' or 'it doesn't matter' or 'it didn't hurt.' Acceptance is about acknowledging and being aware of something. It doesn't mean that you have to feel good about it, or feel that what you did was okay, but it means realizing that it happened and trying to look at it for what it was rather than judge it as a terrible thing to have done. Think of it like a room that painted a horrible shade of green. If you shut your eyes and refuse to see the horrible colour, the room stays that way. If you can look at the colour, you can decide to paint over it. Acceptance is looking at the past for what it is, non judgementaly, in order to make changes in the future.

We all make mistakes in life, and we only ever have now, this present moment to live in. The past is gone. That person is gone. Who you are is what you are doing and feeling and thinking and being now. That is what matters.

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