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Crying when not sad, yelling when not angry


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I've always occasionally had moments that seemed different. The best way to describe it would be as though I was a little high for a few minutes. Things would just seem unfamiliar and interesting all of a sudden - for example, I was once waiting for the subway, and then get into a "moment", and when the train came, without realizing it, I stared at it, looking at each individual window and person inside. It also seemed to just take a really long time for the train to stop moving and fully pull into the station. I guess it was kind of like a mild trance. I was never really bothered by these moments, since it wasn't like they were too bizarre or anything, just a little amusing and weird. It wasn't until I heard about depersonalization that I really thought about them. Reading about depersonalization sensations, my "moments" seemed like a mild version of it. Since I also read that lots of people get them on occasion without having the disorder, I shrugged it off.

But, recently, there's been a few instances... one time I randomly thought of my ex, and suddenly burst into tears. But the thing was, on the inside, I didn't feel sad at all. I felt exactly the same as I had been. It surprised me a lot, since, of course, the tears seemed completely unrelated to whatever I was feeling, and I don't even miss my ex. Like, at ALL. And then there have been maybe two or three times where one of my family members says something rude, and I answer back fiercely as though she was making me angry, and yet, I felt no anger at all. This I think was more mild than the crying episode, since I wasn't getting physical or anything extreme, but I was retorting back as though I was angry, and I just plain wasn't.

Is this related to or a possible symptom of dissociation/depersonalization?

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So you cry when thinking about a breakup then yell at someone for making a rude comment towards you and you think this is a part of an illness? I don't know much about depersonalization but this all sounds completely normal. Maybe others will chime in with their own personal experiences.

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Maybe youre dissociating from the feelings that come up? I know I do a good job at not feeling things sometimes. Painful stuff that I can talk about in therapy and it feels like it never happened. Since Im not connecting to the feelings Im not making much progress =(

This sounds like a twist on 'incongruent affect' where you express something different from what you feel. But it sounds more to me like you are blocking the feelings on some level while expressing them physically. That certainly sounds dissociative to me.

Usually when a breakup is more traumatic than it should be, its the pain of a previous insult thats being triggered. That needs to be addressed and when the pain of the trigger is fresh in your mind is the best time to do this since its easier to feel it and trace it back to where it belongs.

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i think what creepy has to say has a lot of merit, depending on your background/issues.

i've also experienced what you describe when my thyroid hormones were way out of whack. i could be bawling my head off at nothing, just suddenly tears would come falling at the weirdest times. same thing with anger. none of it made sense. it wasn't mood or dissociation related - it stopped when i got on a better dose of snythroid. so you might wanna check out some physical stuff, too.

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Second to lysergia - a friend here has time slow down like your subway experience as a form of seizure.

Might we ask why you think that this could be DD-related? Has it been suggested to you? While most everyone dissociates to some extent, it's really only an issue when it affects your functionality.

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