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When I first started taking meds (so maybe, 2 and a half years ago) I was convinced that any new medication I took was going to kill me in my sleep. I was fucking terrified. So you're not alone. I still get a little anxious with new ones, but it's better.

I wish I knew something that would help - mostly I just started taking the meds and they made me less anxious and crazy, so I was more able to take meds. Circular but there it is.

Anyway, just to say, you're not alone.

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I have complete meltdowns over taking pills sometimes ...the people on this board talked me into BP meds and I am glad so those who did thank you!!!

but I get so worked up and sometimes can not even swallow it and have to go back later and try again

I think you have more company than you think

I have found that taking pills before I think is the best thing ..so water beside the bed pills in a cup and down the hatch before coffee even

except Ibuprofen and I take that with lunch with out thinking and know if I dont I will be consumed by pain instead of just feeling pain

I am so grateful that I am one person who can take it for miserable pain and it works like a dream!

I freak sometimes over vit D that is so stupid I have no words

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Before I was treated for MI, I was having a lot of headaches at work. So, I'd take 2 advil at lunch very regularly. I was also taking a multivitamin daily. So, it was somewhat easy to take the MI meds.

However, when I developed this thyroid issue and had to start taking Synthroid - O.M.G. One of the side effects is DEATH. SO, I go thru phases of freaking out about it. but YES I still take it every morning. right now im in the "freak out" phase again and it sucks ass thinking about death from a tiny pill every day.

db

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Oh you are welcome I totally empathize and know when treated correctly all over I feel better..

I do really well with guided imagery

try it ..for the anxiety prone guided imagery is such a life saver I think ..if you can find yourself early in the panic and just go to the other side of it ...the physical symptoms for me discharge and before I know it I am beyond that awful time wasting moment

make sense ..there are times however I am too far gone and have to walk away and try again later

auto pilot tasks and imagery are really important to help get beyond a meltdown that is for sure

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I was terrified to take medication when I first started. For me, it meant I was like my not-doing-so-hot mother. I also had a fear that the drugs would kill me - not sure what that was about, but it was there.

I was at a point where I didn't think things would get better and I had a death wish. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I ended up taking the pills. That was almost four years ago.

Instant death isn't likely. Even if the pills were to cause some bizarro, crazy-weird reaction, you'd most likely have time to catch it. That's why it's important to be under the care of a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist.

So I guess, in short, give the pills a fair trial. If it isn't working out, you can always try something else.

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I've been taking pills for a while for other stuff and other then early issues just swallowing them I don't think (remember?) having had any fears like this. I know a lot of people must or I am giving off a similar vibe to you because when I refilled (For the first time) my "happy" pills both the tdoc and my pharm asked me if I was really taking them?? Anyway, if your worried about the meds making you worse I think thats a healthy concern. I think this is when you gauge how your meds work with the help of your friends, relatives and good reports back to your doctor. First thing in the morning is my suggestion for success. Use one of those 7 days pills caddies. Wake up and in the first 10 or 15 minute take them.

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I don't have any issues with my pmeds, and my memory is so shot I don't remember much about how I felt when I started taking the pills. However, my hubby refuses to take any kind of medicine. He hasn't even been to the doctor in almost 10 years (and that was for a workplace accident) so getting him to take one little advil when he is hurting is a monumental feat. I don't really know why he feels that way, except to say that his father almost died twice in one year and had some pretty serious injuries and hospital stays. But I've went through sugeries and he is fine with me... so who knows.

I suggest getting a daily pill container and a resolution that you will not leave any of those compartments still filled.

I really think that once you start taking the pills for awhile and have nothing but mild side effects that your brain will wrap it's head around taking meds daily.

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I have/had an extreme phobia for taking drugs of any kind. To the point where I wouldn't take caffeine or anything for pain. This was caused by a history of drug addiction. My MI got to the point where nothing was helping and I was getting quite difficult to deal with so my GP/pdoc/tdoc were all working to get me on something. This backfired the first few times. I got the prescription, bought the meds and then had a panic attack everytime I went near the box. My pdoc decided to let me research a couple of the meds he wanted to put me on and actually gave me a choice which we discussed the next time I saw him. Even then I only accepted one med and only took it for about 2 months but it helped me get to the point where I'm now able to take my meds daily. If you choose to research your meds a lot before taking them it's good if you can talk to people instead of just reading because the people who have good experiences usually don't see a reason to post about it. I also had a friend stay over the night I first started taking meds to make sure I was ok.

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Nautilus, you're DEFINITELY not alone in this. I wasn't so afraid of taking medication when I was first diagnosed with bipolar, probably because the doctor thought it was a mild case of BP II and had just handed me one medication, hoped that it would work and sent me on my merry way. I got far worse, and wound up hospitalized three times in a 4 month span, and that's when they started throwing three or four meds at a time with me. Even then, I wasn't afraid of it, I just wanted to get off the roller coaster. After a few months of the final cocktail doing nothing other than making me drool and sleep and not be able to remember things, I got fed up and quit them cold turkey. (Don't EVER do that. Not a good thing.) THAT was when I first started becoming, for lack of a term that really describes it, mistrustful of meds. I only took stuff like Tylenol for pain and Dimetapp for colds. A couple years later, my father had a stroke and heart attack that had a very high probability of being caused by one of the medications he was on, annd it left him in very bad shape. THAT one was the final straw. Nothing that was even remotely medication-like came near me...I was terrified. I was convinced any and all pills were not only going to do things to me like the ones I had been on previously, but they would also cause all sorts of heart attacks and strokes or even kill me.

Last spring, things started getting bad for me again. The rapid cycling became more than I could bear, and I lost the one coping mechanism I held near and dear to me during those medicationless times - my sense of humor. I went back into therapy, and the tdoc asked me if I was willing to see a psychiatrist. I cringed, because I knew that meant she wanted me back on meds. The initial pdoc appointment was set for a couple months out and I dreaded the day. My tdoc and I tried our damnedest in the weeks going up to it to get me to stop freaking out about medications, but it didn't seem to help much. The doctor assured me we were going to do things slowly and carefully, handed me samples and I openly admit that I stared at the package on my desk for about three hours that night before I could stop shaking long enough and work up the nerve to take one. It definitely sucked, and I'm still a little hesitant every time I have to discontinue one med and start a trial of something else, but I look around at all of the people here and all of my friends elsewhere who are on meds and haven't wound up like my father, and who are living better lives, and try to use that to combat the fear that comes every night when I have to take my meds, and I do also agree with the idea of distraction. One of my best friends winds up spending just about every night with me on MSN, keeping me laughing right up until bedtime so that I don't have the time to think about what I need to do, and she also is firm enough to keep me honest if I do have a bit of a bad night and start balking. If your friend is willing to talk you through it, so to speak, I would definitely encourage it, at least until you've taken it regularly enough that the fear isn't as paralyzing. A pill caddy wouldn't be a bad idea either. There's something particularly daunting about pharmacy bottles, even if you do like I did with my latest meds and go to Target and let them put your favorite color band around the battle. ("Hey, look! It's purple! Nothing purple can be BAD, right?" I know, it sounds silly, but sometimes the little things do help.)

One other thing I've started doing, and I'm not entirely sure this is probably the best idea in the world, but it does seem to help, but I've instituted a little reward system for myself, based on how well I do taking my meds. I count the number of days I deliberately missed a dose, and what I allow myself to get is based off how many times I've missed them during the span between pdoc appointments. If I only miss 5-7 doses during that 5-6 week span, I allow myself to pick out some type of junk food (little ice cream, some candy, chips, or mozzarella stick type things) at Target while I'm waiting for my Rx. (I know, 5-7 is a lot, but I AM still taking them, and for someone with a history like mine, that's something.) 1-4 and I let myself get either dinner a fast food joint on the way home or a little trinket, like a cheap candle or something along those lines. A "perfect" span and I let myself get something bigger. So far, I've only had one of those, admittedly, but I bought myself a wonderful furry blanket from the clearance section at Target as my reward. I know it probably sounds a little odd, but it does help keep me motivated to keep taking my meds, even if it's not for the best of reasons.

I may not be the poster child for med compliance, but if there's anything I can do to help, don't be afraid to give me a poke.

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Yah i definitely can relate to nautilus and wondernut being afraid to swallow and sit there and just try and swallow with water, and sometimes, the chalkiness of the med would irritate my throat and i would cough. or it would feel like it went down the wrong way, a few times(pardon the imagery) things would come back up as reflux and my head would be in the toilet. but overall i think i coped with it well and found certain techniques for swallowing them. like putting the med directly on my tongue and swallowing, or moving the med to the back of my throat before swallowing.

i definitely have a rough time with some of the thicker pills, like the zyprexa 5mg would be trouble or bupropion. But gels like fish oil gels dont really bother me, even though they are the size of horse pills.

usually the thoughts i have associated with pills are wrong, like i think they would do too much. or sometimes i think they would do too little or adversely affect me. but now im somewhat more sensible about them.

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I have major fears with regards to taking medications. More so after my topamax disaster. I dont like to feel like Im less competent, or that someone would see me acting like a crazy and pity me, I guess. Its likely that this is 90% 'the mountain and the molehill' as I like to call it. Meaning, the current fear of medication is justified but nowhere near the extent that you do, within the present context. The majority of the fear comes from earlier experiences.

Do you have a therapist you can work with on that?

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