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My life is rotten right now, and I wouldn't care if I went to sleep and never woke up. I'm going through a very rough patch. I think my meds are no longer working or else they are not strong enough to get me through the stress I am under at the moment. I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow, and I am sure that he will change a med, but I won't see him again for another month, and I don't know if I can wait for a med to work because so many has failed, and I don't even know if there are even any meds left for me. I thought lamotrigine was working, but now it is like I'm taking nothing at all. My mind feels like it has an electrical storm occuring on my brain.

I got really bad news today. I found out that my mother has cancer. She is weak and is not eating. I can't get the intrusive thought out of my mind that she will die even though the doctor never said that, just said that it is serious, but can be treated. The thought hangs over me every second. I would gladly trade places with her because I am tired of life anyway, and I want her to have a long, good life.

Anyway, life has hit me hard yet again. Thanks for reading.

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I'm sorry that your mother has cancer. When I was told that my mother had cancer, it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. As Sylvan said, it may be that your depression is more situational right now, rather than just a med failure. Anyway, I hope you can spend time with her or talk on the phone. If you love your mother, an illness like cancer just scares the crap out of you.

Good luck with the pdoc.

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Sorry you're having such a tough time right now. It's hard sometimes to tell the difference between when your meds stop working and when situational stuff brings you down. Hopefully your pdoc can make some med adjustment that will help you to feel better. One way or the other, you're going to have to give the new/additional med time to work. Six weeks at a minimum. In the mean time maybe you can go visit your mom. Or if she is too far away, give her a call, maybe on a more regular basis. If she is like most, she'd love to hear from you.

Thanks Sylvan. Yeah, situational stress plus my inherent depression is a dangerous combination for me. It was when I was going through a divorce that I tried to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital. Then I wasn't taking the combination that I am now (was taking just Cymbalta and Xanax) so I hope it is better. I really don't have to visit my mom since I'm living at home due to my current financial status. But this makes it all the worse.

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When I was told that my mother had cancer, it felt like someone punched me in the stomach.

Yeah, I felt something similar. I handled it pretty well this morning, but as the day wore on, it is getting worse and worse and now it occupies my mind completly. I just want to distract myself to make the worst thoughts go away.

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Even so-called "normal" people would be seriously upset upon hearing their mother has cancer. It's good that it's treatable. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time to assimilate this news. I'm glad that you're seeing your pdoc soon so that he can know about this stress.

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