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People usually reach out to me for help. I'm usually really good at helping them, too. A few months back my best friend went into a bad state of depression, and kept trying to kill herself. Herr father, who I volunteer with, sent her to a hospital in Michigan, where she grew up. She went missing about 2 weeks ago. They found her in Illinois, and she had killed herself... She has been my best friend since I was 7 years old. I found out probably 3 hours ago. I don't know how to react. IT's like, all my feelings of being upset, being scared for her, and not knowing, but hoping she was just running away... I feel let down. I wanted so desperately to be ok. Like a beacon of hope, I guess? Knowing that you can make it through?

I guess I was hoping she'd be ok, because then I could tell MYSELF that it isn't so horrible. But it is. She couldn't hack it. Life had crushed her down to that point. And I've been to that point, and not done it, but not been happy. I'm never happy. And it just starts making you think.

Does this make any sense? Have you ever had a friend commit suicide and felt just as hopeless? Like maybe it doesn't get easier?

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Guest Recluse

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.

You have my complete sympathy here.

A friend of mine committed suicide last year, and it was hard to cope with his passing, I wrote about it, although the entry is gone now. I'll see if I can dig it up, maybe it will help or something, I don't know.

I was surprised at myself, but I was angrier at him than I was sad. I wondered if I was being a 'bad friend' for feeling that way, but I truly was. It just seemed like such a horrible fucking shame that he'd struggled for so long only to throw the fight.

The thing you need to remember is that this woman killing herself doesn't reflect on the state of your own life. She chose what she did for herself, I know damned well that unless she was very twisted, she wouldn't have wanted you to follow.

Anyway, if you need to talk, hit me or anyone else up with a private message.

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Some things in life really are as bad as you think.

I really hope that maybe I'm misreading your tone, but:

What an awful thing to say to someone who's grieving.

I mean really? Seriously? What the fuck were you thinking?

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I lost someone when I was in college, a guy who had been my boyfriend. It is wrenching to lose someone to suicide, but I tried to do something positive about it. At the time (40 years ago) no one talked about suicide, so I worked with the people in the student counseling center to draw up guidelines to help students learn to recognize the danger signs of someone who is suicidal.

You are probably in shock right now from this terrible loss, and that's a normal reaction. Someday maybe you could write an essay or tribute about your friend. Since you know her father, you could write him a letter about how you loved her and you share his grief. I wrote a letter to my friend's mother and she told me later that she read it over and over again--it was a comfort to her.

I'm so sorry she took this path. Her father must be brokenhearted. You have my sincere sympathy.

olga

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Hey. Just wanted to drop in and see if you are doing all right today. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, and if you want an objective ear, I'd be glad to help out as well. Add my name to the list of volunteers, eh? ;)

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Hey. I just wanted to drop in and see if you are doing okay tonight. If you want an ear, I'm around. Please feel free to shoot me a PM or email any time, even if all you need is just someone to listen.

I have never lost a close friend to suicide, but I do know what it's like to have a friend attempt. The ground opening up under one's feet could be no more scary. I can only guess how it must have felt to have this happen. I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope you don't give up yourself. The shock and pain that follow suicide would be just as true for those who love you as it is for you who love her.

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