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I have been obsessing about having cheated on my husband for the last year.

I became pregnant October 2009. The rumination started in February 2010, and spiked right after the baby was born at the end of July. Since then, it's been generally waning, but now, one year after it started, it's been getting a little worse again. I am reasonably sure, objectively, that I have not been unfaithful at any point in our relationship, but I obsess over my memories and worry that they are not reliable (hence my username). It starts out with worrying about things from the beginning of our relationship, five years ago, and culminated in the persistent fear that my baby wasn't his, despite, again, being fairly sure rationally that I had not cheated on him.

I do not have a formal diagnosis because I can't afford professional help, and, honestly, I'm afraid they won't believe me when I insist that I didn't cheat. Why should they? I barely believe myself.

Does anyone else have persistent obsessive thoughts concerning the past? All references I can find to OCD, or Pure O (which sounds exactly like my experience), refer to fears about the future, or the immediate past (did I turn the stove off?, etc.). Nothing about fears about unreliable memory or past events.

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