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One thing you could do is print out this post, or type it up in a pdf and keep some copies taped inside of your closet, in the bathroom, where you will remember to read this the next time you want to go off of meds.

You do admit that you have Schizoaffective, right? What about a more subtle approach. You can be intuitive and also mentally ill. They are not mutually exclusive. And this family member who encouraged you to go off your meds? Someone needs to educate them. This is much too dangerous for you.

A person can be intuitive, and sensitive to others. That does not make them a psychic. And they can also have a mental diagnosis. But the concept that you are NOT mentally ill, but rather a gifted psychic who is misunderstood........that is very unrealistic. Please don't put yourself in danger again. You need your meds.

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Just keep taking your meds, whatever you might believe. And raise this with your pdoc, as lingering belief in some psychic abilities might be lingering psychotic symptoms, in which case a dosage increase might help.

Really, you aren't psychic.

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Guest Vapourware

I think you can be both sensitive to other people, and have a MI at the same time. Have you ever tried reality-checking whether you can actually hear other people's thoughts? I think it's easy to think you can, when in fact it's something else altogether.

While I personally do believe people can be in tune with the spirit world, people usually have a choice as to whether they want to delve into it. When voices come unbidden, it's usually not the spirit world but something that is not wired properly in your head.

I hope you keep taking your medication. Being medicated is important. Whoever said you don't need medication needs to be thoroughly educated about your condition.

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Gosh, how I can relate to your situation. In the past, I've been told that I'm psychic as well... told by psychics and shamans and people that have wanted to help me. I've held on to this belief for such a long time, many years.

These voices have also been critical and annoying, and the depression can be awful as well. I have found that listening to these voices has led me to feel powerless, and my life becomes stagnant due to their predictions and suggestions. The more one focuses on the voices, the larger they grow.

And I totally agree with Vapourware... a person can be sensitive and have an MI as well. Reality checks can be very helpful indeed.

This past week, I've increased Abilify to 10mg, and the voices are getting quieter and less frequent. This is completely crazy, because my belief system is falling to pieces. Now I know, this is a MI. Or shall I say, mostly an MI. I still get premonitions here and there, but I really have no interest in them. They don't benefit me that much anyway.

Please, if you can, don't buy into the voices. I've had them for 10 years, and they've only changed my life for the worst. I'm finally taking meds now, and realizing that these past 10 years could have been much better if I'd gotten rid of them sooner.

I wish you well! Feel free to message me if you have more questions, or just want to talk. I'm glad to meet someone with a similar issue.

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As far as getting over the obsessions, have you brought this up with your pdoc? Maybe s/he will have some good ideas for you. I know what you mean about having trouble accepting your diagnosis, I struggle with that myself. I guess all I can say is to keep taking your meds and talk to your pdoc about it. Sometimes I think that I'd be fine without meds, but that never turns out to be the case. Sometimes all you can do is force yourself to take them, even when you think you don't need them.

I guess that probably wasn't very helpful. I hope you can come up with a solution to feel more stable soon.

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Guest Vapourware

I'm sorry to hear that you've had some bad experiences from treatment. My impression from your post is that you are still having some issues with coming to terms with your disorder, and personally I don't think treatment for your OCD caused your psychosis. Your OCD sounded like it had delusional qualities before your psychosis broke through, so personally I believe that you would have had issues with psychosis regardless of whether you were treated for your OCD.

Anyways, no-one here can make you take your medication. I can only encourage you strongly to re-think your decision to quit all your medication. It's not so much about shifting blame or the like onto labels, it's more about ensuring that you remain healthy and that your symptoms don't come back. Would you be able to function better without medication? I think in the long term, probably not. Remember how you were like without the anti-psychotics, remember it was the untreated psychosis in the first place that forced you out of college. Remember how you were climbing into ravines because you were thinking you had killed someone. Remember how you kept checking your car and locations for signs that you had hit someone. Remember the amount of time those obsessions took in your life. You weren't functional without your meds.

It's an adjustment to live with stability, especially adjusting to the smaller mood swings. When you are stabilising, you are going from the extremes of mood to smaller, more manageable mood swings. You mentioned in other places that you have had problems with depressions and with your mania, and without medication it won't get better.

Anyways I hope to see you around again and take care.

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I withdrew from Uni to be treated for psychosis. Five years on, I'm reducing my medication responsibly and am in a position to get a degree without sacrificing my mental health. It is possible to come through psychosis, but it takes time on meds to recover properly and I really don't believe from what you've posted that you have had enough time for things to settle down. I respect your decision, but I think the influence of your relative and your recent stay in hospital i driving this decision, it's not one made carefully with the guidance of your pdoc.

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I just wanted to point out that when you first joined the forum and you posted about yourself, that you said you left college because you were having problems with OCD and psychosis related symptoms. You had stated that you thought you had killed someone at uni and you would go all over uni to try to find the person and you could never find him (I hope I'm getting the story line right).

If you are planning to go back to school, going off your medications may not be the most optimal thing to do because while in the beginning you will feel Ok, these symptoms will start to come back subtly and you may not even be aware of what's happening until it's too late.

I remember when I was going to college I was having symptoms but every time I went for treatment, the only medication I'd want to take is Abilify, which wasn't effective for me because I'd be very restless and trying to get off it would make me suicidal and result in hospitalizations. So I was in and out of the hospital a lot when I went to college. Also because of the MI, I skipped classes a lot and I would go to use the school computers because at the time computers were my only sanctuary. Then I would go to the disability office at the college and cry because I didn't know what to do. Because I was unstable at the time, I was unable to complete college and I chose to withdraw in 1/2009.

But even though I've had that hardship, it doesn't mean that with the proper treatment, I can't go back to school and finish for my degree. And you can go back to uni too and finish for your degree too. You don't have to take a full course load. You can always just start by taking only one class at a time.

I just don't want to see you completely off your medications and spiral into the original story that brought you here in the beginning.

Just looking out for your mental welfare.

I wish you the best in your treatment decisions and take care,

Andy.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Alienonite. I wish you well and I hope that this all works out for you. But having untreated SZA has been a horrible experience for me. I hope the same doesn't happen to you. I know how you feel though about the meds making it impossible to finish college. That's what they have done to me anyways. One day I hope to be off meds too and able to finish my degree. I don't know if it is the meds though or the illness that makes it impossible for me to finish college.

Anyways, just wishing you well my friend! And good luck!

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