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Last night i cut myself, just cause i wanted to, and it felt good, and wish i could do it again and again. I dont want to cause its ugly and people see it and are prejudice.

I don't understand why i want to so bad

I just wanted to share, because of the guilt. I know i shouldn't, but i want to do it again

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I have self-destructive behavior also, recently. I sampled with some mild self-burning and

other stuff.

What does your therapist say about this? I'm wondering for myself,

as if maybe I could get to the cause of it.

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It's good that you recognize that you shouldn't. It's addictive - you can lose track of the "I shouldn't" very easily. Then it is much harder to recover from. Sorry to learn that you're struggling with this, both of you.

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Feeling is addictive.

When they told me I couldn't drink anymore, I stopped. (Lost my job anyway.)

I've run out of ways to feel, or to blount feeling.

I know this is wrong, I easily intuit that this is addictive.

I'm an pretty old dog, and I don't think I'll pick up this trick.

But I'm interested in causes, not just reasons to stop.

(Edit: But thank you, WinterRosie and OddJob , because reading it reinforces that

I shouldn't do it.)

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Hey, both of you. I won't lecture you on this, because a few nights ago I broke my own two month abstinence. Talking it out with a therapist is a great idea--maybe the best idea. Try to build other, more constructive coping skills, and avoid SI. It can be incredibly, bizarrely alluring, but it's hard to stop once it becomes a habit. If you want to rant, or you need a sounding board to talk it out with, please feel free to PM or email me, yeah?

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Hey -

Thank you for having the courage to share.

What do you think would be more helpful to you right now? The "instead I" thread might have a few ideas.

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Stayed in bed almost all day today. Not a good day to share my current symptoms, mild

as they may be.

Ashdene,

I hope you get help with your compulsions. I think I will shrug

off my self-burning pretty easily. Bought a pack of cigs and maybe that will help for today.

(Snus not doing it for me right now.)

I hope you get to the root of it thru therapy or meds or the suggestions here.

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SI is an addiction, and a pretty full on one at that. Once you start, you just want to continue on more and more. Google 'things to do instead of SI' or something, there are loads of websites with ideas that you can try to do when you're having those urges.

Oh, and they can look pretty nasty too, if you're afraid of anyone seeing you can cover them up with foundation or bracelets, or try and find some good scar hiding creams.

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Why do you say that you've run out of ways to feel / to blunt the feelings?

That could be why you've picked this up. Until you can get to the root of the feeling/not feeling you'll just keep substituting one form of this for another. We can give examples here, too - we've gone through hell and back again with drugs (street - various) drugs (prescription) and alcohol and and disordered eating and SI, and sometimes SU, for example. Yet all of those behaviours are because of a need to feel/not feel. Which itself comes from surviving trauma. So, here, unless the trauma is resolved, we'll continue to have unhealthy coping mechanisms. Who knows what the next one could be?

Most people who come to SI are doing it to feel/not feel. But the reason that they're in that boat is different for most everyone. And once you figure out why you're in that boat you can find the escape :)

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Sweetie,

If you want to talk about what is going on emotionally that is making you want to cut, then please feel free to post here, it might lessen the urge a bit. I know things have been rough for you of late, I have been thinking about you. Let us know how you're coping.

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WinterRosie,

I agree with you. I need to figure out a lot of things. I know that

trading temporary pleasure for a long term problem is not the way

to go. I've got to think about therapy even though opening up

my life face-to-face with another person is going to be hard for me.

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I wanted to cut so so so badly today. I was so unhappy, and some people said some horridly things to me when i was already down. (i have been depressed already) Cutting makes me feel better and calms me down. But feel really low right now. When i can't cope, cutting soothes me down. When i cant control my life and the world becomes to much and want to scream. And they made me hate my self "thats impressive". I think i need a brake from reality!

xox

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I wanted to cut so so so badly today. I was so unhappy, and some people said some horridly things to me when i was already down. (i have been depressed already) Cutting makes me feel better and calms me down. But feel really low right now. When i can't cope, cutting soothes me down. When i cant control my life and the world becomes to much and want to scream. And they made me hate my self "thats impressive". I think i need a brake from reality!

xox

We all know SI is very hard to break away from and here is a good place to speak about without others judging. Which is very helpful. If you feel the urge to SI maybe posting here would help or maybe goggling 'how to avoid SI' would help. I am so sorry that you are so down and struggling atm but it will get better soon

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It's ok to slip sometimes, it can be really hard to avoid it when it can feel like such a good release and a sense of control when everything beyond your power turns to shit.

I often get the urge to smoke (having never smoked in my life) just as a means to harm myself, but I realise I'd just be replacing one thing with another.

You have no reason to feel guilty and it's fine to want to do it again, but it's even better you recognise you shouldn't so try to stay strong.

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