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I have some minor memory problems, but they are traceable directly to the meds I take. I think that mental illness in general can play havoc with our memories. I know depression does. I know where you're coming from about having to move back in with your mother. I recently lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. It's really tough.

You say you can't afford professional care. I don't know where you are, but in most US states, there are county mental health centers that offer care on a sliding fee schedule. Maybe there is something analagous in other countries. Anyway, it's worth checking out.

I know that you feel more alive off meds, but meds are in general good. It seems to me that you are not doing so well, or else you wouldn't be posting on this board. Really, reconsider going back on meds. As for affording them, (again, in the US) many stores like Walmart and Target offer $4.00 generics. Again, it's worth checking out.

EDIT: It has recently been brought to my attention that there are ways to get brand name drugs at low or no cost. Check out my thread about Lamictal generics in the anticonvusant/mood stablizer forum. Cetkat gave me some links, but I don't know how to link to there.

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Good luck with that. If we were all able to act as we wished when we thought we had "no choice," there were would be a lot fewer people on the board. This isn't a matter of keeping a stiff upper lip. You can't "snap out of it." What is your dx?

You yourself have just described to us, in detail, how bad your cognitive function is, and you aren't even *on* the sinister medications. I am discounting the Seroquel as the cause of your cognitive deficit, since you are talking about a problem you have had since before taking Seroquel. You will create long term cognitive damage by not being treated. Yes, you will have to dicker around with your medications until you find something that makes you feel better, yet has tolerable cognitive side effects. Clearly, you don't tolerate the side effects of your prior treatment very well. But that doesn't mean you've exhausted your options, by a longshot.

This is a pro meds board, and I was raised by a psychopharmacologist. We are all pretty well informed, and I think I can say without alienating too many people that a lot of us have issues with Big Pharma for one reason or another. As far as I am concerned, the lobbying arm of Big Pharma sucks. But unethical behavior by corporate leaders doesn't contaminate medications through osmosis. It is one thing to be scared of trying new things; I just tried a medication that scared me shitless, and I have been doing this for 25 years.

Can you see how the blanket mistrust of medication because "you've read enough to know" might be a thought process demonstrating a lack of insight, which actually could be a symptom of your illness? No one wants to take medication. I hate taking 10 to 15 pills a day. But I will lose months of every year if I do not.

It isn't a crutch, it is a treatment. Unless you believe all medical treatment is a crutch. And you are going to need more than a crutch if you go off the rails.

You are admittedly non-functional already, and you sound depressed.

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The only thing more useless than self diagnosis would be second hand diagnosis by a friend's mother. You need to get real help. You aren't really functioning so well at the moment, so your current opting out of treatment approach doesn't seem to be working out for you. Without treatment, how exactly are you planning to improve things?

Lamictal can indeed cause word finding issues. But it's one med. It's silly to dismiss them all because you were hit hard by one side effect of one med.

As for your cognitive issues, I think chronic pot use can cause long term cognitive deficits. So there's that.

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1. "Diagnosis" entails a decision. I do not allow myself certainty in regards to that because it is not an opinion from a qualified source given under the proper circumstances. I mentioned it as supplemental information.

2. My experience with Lamictal isn't the foremost contributing factor to my aversion to psychotropic medications.

3. I have only smoked weed on and off for three years. Heavily for some periods of time, not at all for others. Also, to my knowledge, that information has not been verified. Supposedly, the illegality of the drug has made it difficult for any studies of long-term use to be conducted. I certainly don't deny that it may have had an effect, but that's another topic for another day.

4. Finally, these kinds of presumptuous misunderstandings discourage me from posting here. If your intentions are good, I appreciate your feedback, but I think I'll just lurk from now on.

Crazyboards is not about codependence. You wrote a lot of romanticism that disregards your degree of dysfunctionality. Are you employed? Are you self-supporting? Are you a full-time student? Are you in a relationship? Do you have an active social life? Exactly what is it that makes you think MI is not effecting you cognitively, emotionally, and socially 'cause I'm not seeing anything in your words to suggest it is not. Active MI symptoms fuck up memory and cognition as much or more than any drug. Then there is pot which messes with memory. This is not a revalation.

You criticize your experiences with the mental health institution but say that your presence was half hearted. You even sound like you were a bit of a dick. You blame instead of take responsibility. You condemn psych meds due to a single medication you took. You claim some circular argument regarding efficacy of psych meds when there are millions of people on them who will tell you they are effectively keeping them sane, myself included. The only circular argument is the subterfuge of those with their own agendas, admittedly Big Pharma included.

I fail to understand why you posted if all you want was ego stroking. If you have been lurking, you should know that's typically not what one receives here.

There are community clinics that offer services on sliding scales. There are $4 dollar med programs at target. There are manufacturer provided prescription programs for those within income qualifications. Your school may also have programs for you. There are ways to receive help and medication if you would get out of your room and investigate all of the services available to you. There are ways to receive just therapy if that is where you are intent on going. The one thing that is clear is that sitting in your room waxing away in posts designed to make you feel the protagonist in some play is not going to get you anywhere.

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