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Aliens? Government cover up? Secret societies?


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Usually, I have very intelligent conspiracy theories, but because of my psychotic episodes in the past, and how I guess I behave when psychotic, people tend to think I'm getting that way again. Just made a joke about being screwed as a working class. I won't get real detailed, in case it triggers. But a friend of mine got VERY defensive that I need to call my med doctor, and am I feeling ok? I AM taking my meds, and I don't feel psychotic. I'm not really hearing voices, I'm not overly paranoid, absolutely no delusions or hallucinations. But now I'm wondering, is the conspiracy thing really a sign of me getting psychotic? Or is it just this intelligent part of me, who loves a good debate, and suspicion?

I don't like questioning myself like this. And I CERTAINLY do not like being called out like that. Have any of you run into a problem similar?

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Do you work with a therapist? It might be helpful to check out your thoughts with her. Do a little reality testing.

Your friend cares about you. So give them the benefit of the doubt. I am sure it was hard to discuss this with you. We can all benefit from loving family and friends who care about our well being. I benefit from people I can trust. And sometimes I get feedback from my husband that makes me defensive. But he has lived through a lot of my manias and mood episode. So I force myself to trust him. I force myself to be open minded.

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I think that it's normal to have some level of cynicism, but a theory suggests a degree of rumination and preoccupation beyond that. It wouldn't hurt to mention it to a pdoc, if it really is nothing, you've not lost anything by bringing it up.

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I think if you know what you said was a joke, then its a joke. ha ha. move on.

If the person who "called you out" was making suggestions that maybe your joke was not a joke...then maybe you should discuss it with a tdoc or pdoc for perspective and balance.

If the person was too sensitive...thats a whole other story.

without knowing all the details this could circle round and round...

db

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I think your comment about being a member of the working class and getting "screwed" by the government is quite rational these days. I don't know about your other theories, but Dylan Rattigan and Ed Schultz(among others) on MSNBC have been building their programs around this idea for the past year and I mostly agree with them. Look at the union busting(the working class) going on in Wisconsin, Ohio, and Michigan. That seems to me to be an assult on the middle class by the Republicans. I don't even think your comment was a joke!

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Like Sylvan said, if someone close to you is noticing changes and think you need to get help urgently then do it. Usually we who experience Psychosis really truely believe that what we are saying is the honest truth, but if someone who is close to you says you need to seek out more help. Go.

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Also echoing Sylvan's advice.

...I'm not really hearing voices, I'm not overly paranoid...

What does this mean? It sounds like you are having some sort of voices experience and some level of paranoia. Those would not be good signs no matter how trivial.

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WOAH! A lot ot reply to!

OK. First, I do see a therapist, and in my session today, I brought it up. She asked about my meds, asked about my surroundings, made sure basically that I was still in touch with this reality. And I am. She said that after a while, I might just be holding on to some of my paranoid theories, and with as long as I've been dealing with psychosis, it could just be that these ideas just don't go away. Now, if I start acting on it, trying to organize people, and plotting to avenge these things I think are wrong, then we have a problem. She also thinks I'm overly stressed with the recent move, new pressures at work and my upcoming procedure. She said that generally, I have a cynical outlook on life, and think things through maybe a little too much, but if I'm staying in touch with reality, and I can make a difference in 'Oh, that's plausible' and 'I'm going alien hunting and overthrowing the government' then I am ok right now.

Second- Stacia- It means that the meds don't completely get rid of the voices and paranoia. But they aren't telling me to do anything, and the very few things I see, aren't scary or trying to hurt me. This is a vast improvement over command hallucinations and voices screaming at me.

Third- As for my friend, she might be a little overly sensitive. I'm the ONLY person she really knows with mental illness. She has admittedly never dealt with even mild depression, anxiety, anything. But I do understand her concern. I guess, and bpladybug said it best, I get defensive. I am a BIIIG control freak, and think I pretty much have a handle on things. So when someone says that, it makes me question myself and think perhaps I'm not in control?

I'm still trying to work through things. Having such a comprehensive team of doctors is still kind of new to me. And having friends that care THAT much, is also still kind of new. And in the comments, I see that some of you have gone through some of this yourselves.

So I have another question for you.

How do you get to that level of trust? I know it comes with letting some control go. This is something I've been working with my therapist about. Trying to come to the point that I can trust someone that completely. Also, thank you all for replying :)

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