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Honestly i just dont see a point to life and i absolutely hate myself. With that being said no im not suicidal, just depressed i guess and have no hope in the world around me or myself. I feel like theres absolutely no point or meaning in anything, i can barely roll myself out of bed to go to school in the morning. I just want to wrap myself in sleep and never do anything, not die just kind of cease to exist (if that makes any sense at all). Im a senior in high school which most people would be happy about but i really dont give a fuck about graduating, or going to the shitty state satellite campus i got into for college. Theres just no point in anything. i used to work out alot and was in really good shape but now i just dont see the point its fuckin pointless to look good, whos going to even notice all your hard work anyway? most likely noone.

In school i used to be popular but aren't anymore but id prefer it that way even though most people think im a fuckin loser and weird, truth is im just depressed and want to be left alone most of the time (which no one really understands). I have a small group of friends i chill with during the day but i don't really ever go out with anyone anymore. Most the time i just dont feel up to it the other times i do people are always busy. I've been labeled a druggie and many other things that mostly aren't true but its just kind of expected at this point. If someone doesn't seem to be all there they become a target immediately it seems.

I just described my high school life for alil background i guess, i really don't care about what anyone thinks of me for the most part. Most of the people i know arent worth shit in my opinion, their all blocking out their individuality and pretending to be someone they arent to try and fit into some stupid ass dead end society and feel like their important. Just a bunch of dicks backstabbing each other and whatever else to try and get ahead in a social hierarchy that means nothing. All the girls are extremely judgmental and pretentious , not to mention all the guys i just described are always hanging all around them ready to talk shit and rumors the second you walk away so it goes to say i haven't been laid in awhile.

Thats all just background i guess, what i really am trying to say is i just dont see any point in living, any point in being happy. So you graduate, rack up alot of money in student loans, get a shit job that contributes nothing revolutionary or meaningful to human society and live out your life dealing with a million different problems just to die in the end anyway. Why? i havent been really happy in awhile, and i guess i have anxiety as well which doesn't really help. Ive been on lexapro 10 mg for over a year now and it helped i guess for awhile but it isn't anymore. I was on 20mg for a short time but it was to high a dosage i felt like the walking dead and couldnt even concentrate on a thought so i cut it down. I used to smoke weed and take vicodin, percocet to get high and those were some of only times ive been blissfully happy in recent memory.

if this came off as a pity thread im sorry its not meant to be like that i just want to know if anyone has an interesting idea on why we are meant to live other than just 'to be happy' seeing as that doesnt work for most of us.

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I'm sorry you are feeling so hopeless. It sounds to me like you need to go back to your psychiatrist and get a different antidepressant. When it seems like there is no reason to live, well, that's a pretty classic symptom and definition of depression.

Depression is a condition. It can be treated. You are in the Bottomless Pit right now and can't see anything good or positive happening. You will continue to feel this way if you don't see your pdoc and try a different medication. I don't know if you are in therapy, but that can be very helpful also.

It's unfortunate that we feel so helpless and worthless during a depressive episode, because it feels like it takes so much effort to get help. But I hope you will try. You can have a fulfilling and exciting life if you can get your depression under control. It's a wonderful world out there in many ways, and when you aren't depressed you will want to get out there and explore it.

olga

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High school can be a total drag and I totally get what your saying. Maybe this will help. Like boot camp in the Navy its not like that later. "Life" is nothing (In my experience) like High School. I had a teacher who was in the Navy who told me to stand next to him in the Hall way while the students were going from class to class he offered the observation that my High School was just a place to warehouse out of control goofballs. A nursery school for big kids. I thought this was fairly accurate and was really surprised he said this. Anyway, don't let this screw you up.

I just want to add that Vicodin etc are really tough habits to break and that you might want to avoid letting this kind of thing control you. Talk to your pdoc about your meds and maybe your GP if your really using a lot of opiates.

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