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Hi All! My name is Ali and im a 31 year old mother of 4 from the UK. YES, I am from Liverpool and No i dont like The Beetles ............ But my Dad did grow up on the same road as Macca and they even played played on the same bill in the early days. What a claim to fame ;)

Anyways, I have always known im not quite "right" and after a 12 month nightmare I was diagnosed as BiPolar last spring. I was a maniac between 14 and 30 years old.......drinking vodka like it was water, dabbling (heaviy) in drugs and partying 24/7 around doing very badly at work. I ended up pushing away most of my family and friends before my estranged hubby basicaly marched me to the doctors and demanded they fix me. Thanks to my erratic lifestyle I failed at school, did averagely at college, failed at Uni where I was studying english and managed to screw up every job I ever had. But I did have some good times to mix with the bad.

These days im dosed up on quetiapine and while its steadied my moods to some extent, I cant help but feel that I am just a shadow of the person I was. I dont feel any real emotions. I struggle to interact with my kids and family......it feels like I am feeling things through a glass bubble with a mediocre me sat smack bang in the middle. I paint on a great big smile and seem to get through things ok. I have issues dealing with the guilt of what i have put the people who care about me through. They have been through enough already in the past, they all expect me to be "fixed" now I am on meds. Its easier to just go along with what they want.

In the past , Manic Me has done some cool stuff. I filled the master bedroom with snakes and mammals! at my most "collective" point i had around 80 snakes and 300 feeder rats, 16 African pygmy hedgehogs and a load of tortoises and turtles. I slept in the box room. I also have a habbit of overspending on shoes ( every woman needs shoes!). I have been declared bankrupt in the past and try desperatey to keep my cashflow in the black these days. Oh, my last OTT expense was on my baby...........my baby raccoon. His name is Atuki and he is a house pet. The newest obsession is marine tanks :)

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Hi, Ali, and welcome to Crazyboards.

I think that if you are just beginning with the medication thing, you have to give it some time. Plus, if one med makes you too "flat" or just doesn't work for you, there are lots of other ones to try. It's worth it, if you want to mend fences with your family & friends.

Be sure to read the rules when you have time. I won't hold it against you that you don't like the Beatles. :) I was in love with them when I was 14. But that was many years ago.

I'm glad you found us and I hope we can help you.

olga

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Hi Ali and welcome to the boards! I think you will like it here as there are some really nice people here with some really good and supportive advice.

I agree with Olga. There are plenty of meds out there that won't leave you flat lined. You just have to find the med that works for you. For example, I use risperidone which gives some people awful side effects, but gives me no, repeat no, side effects. Have a look around if you haven't already and make yourself at home.

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