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What keeps you on track?


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So r/o EDNOS was added to my list o' dx's by my psychiatrist. My therapist things EDNOS is pretty appropriate.

I tend to restrict my food. I'm still borderline overweight, most likely due to meds. Which triggers me further.

For those of the ED persuasion, what helps you keep eating healthily, even when it's the last thing you want to do? Right now, I'm focusing on being a good role model for my daughter. It keeps me going, but it doesn't seem to make the thoughts of not wanting to eat go away...

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i have to force myself to think of what i'm depriving my brain of (if i think about depriving other organs, this doesn't work for some reason). that i already feel like crap, and if i don't eat, that is gonna be that much worse. i hate my MI so badly that doing something to make it worse makes me feel REALLY stupid after i've done it :(

i hear you, though, i just started a brand new med (plus seroquel) and weight is coming on whether i like it or not. it's REALLY HARD not to restrict. or overexercise. i have to work on accepting my body at a different size, because the size it is even with the extra weight just makes me "normal" instead of thin. it's a huge thing for me. i try to shut up about it because nobody wants to listen to the skinny woman complain about gaining weight (i didn't either when i was bigger). but it does take up a lot of headspace, unfortunately.

being a good role model is important... i wonder how many of us with EDs began life with a mother who had food/body image issues? my mothers struggles made mine feel that much more normal. i think my daughter was starting to mimic my habits, too, and i so regret that. thankfully she's fallen into a healthier routine now that she lives on her own and learned to listen to her body better.

i hope you find some way to ease the urge to restrict.

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I wish i knew the answer to your question.

I am terrible at binging and purging. I do it constantly.

I have been trying to tell myself that the constant purging is wrecking havoc on my body, especially my teeth and my esophagus.

I also try to remember that i need to feed my body otherwise ill go back to collapsing and having blackouts.

I guess the main things is simply remembering we need to stay healthy and to do that you need food.

I understand were you are coming from. I have battled with my weight for as long as i can remember.

GC

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Having people you to account can help - if you're willing to be open about it. This is why sometimes it's helpful to have a nutritionist even when you technically don't need one any more - because they'll hold you to account.

Having your daughter is also a really good one.

I've a list of fitness goals that I want to achieve and I can't do that if I'm falling over from malnutrition. That one seems to work.

I also keep telling myself "you know what an eating disorder is like [hell]" as a motivator to never go back there again.

Sigh... it's so hard...

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Rowen ~ I can most definitely empathize with your situation. I have gained weight from my meds, and the excess weight (and how it makes me feel about myself) just triggers more ED and depression. I am working out 5 times a week to be a good role model for my sons, and trying to eat healthy, again as a role model. But it is really hard. When all else fails, I just tell myself that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, and allow myself 2 bites of whatever I am craving (in my experience, whatever the food, nothing beats the taste of the first 2 bites, the rest is just eating). I also just started doing Atkins because I've read that AAPs affect the way your metabolism burns food as fuel, and it burns proteins and fats first, so that is what I've been focused on eating and it is working so far. Cheryl

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  • 3 months later...

I had years of therapy from a relatively famous lady who teaches at a university - and while it was helpful for other stuff, it didn't change my eating disorder at all. It has a life of its own and seems to speak its own language and it doesn't understand therapy. I think of it almost like a demon that possesses me once in a while. I know it's not a positive mental image, but it feels like there is the obsession (or possession) and then there's me. It's not a part of me, but we coexist in the same body.

Reading Geneen Roth's books - like Women Food and God - helps me stay aware. But sometimes there is just no stopping me when I am on a bender.

Topomax helps a lot. It is the only thing that keeps me sane. Unfortunately it wrecks my balance and I had to give up a sport I really loved. It also wrecks my memory. But I'd rather be sane than athletic or smart.

Wellbutrin also helped. Prozac kind of helped.

I found that stimulants (concerta, vyvanse - I took them for ADHD) actually made my binge eating a lot worse.

Being busy and sociable helps. Getting out, cleaning my place... that kind of thing.

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What helps me when my ED sx are flaring due to AAP massive dosage are removing triggers... clothes that don't fit, mirrors, etc. I also force myself to remember what the hospital involunteary was like and do I really want to go there? And that people love me anyway. And that I love people who weigh way more than me. And that I HATE my dad, heh. And that I'm going to fight it off because I MUST, and not ACT on the thoughts, and after awhlie they die down, a slight amount.

A slight amount. I'm not a perfect eater by any means, but a structured eating plan and knowing I'm doing EVERYTHING I CAN reasonably do and stay healthy and sane also helps. Also forgiving myself when I screw up at times.....

I feel your pain. I sitll look pregnant, sigh. Okay, no one has asked me I'm pregnant yet, so maybe I don't look THAT pregnant.

I try not to remember pre med days when staying thin was easy and sometimes, honestly, focus on the fact that I can be thin when I'm dead. Meaning "you are wasting your mental energy, man...."

Sigh.

Good luck,

Anna

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Work keeps me in check. I can't function with food restriction. I went from a 110lb straight A AP student to an 87lb near college drop out. Eating healthy keeps me going. I don't feel well when I don't eat, I can't sleep, I'm exhausted, I get migraines. I'm a bad worker and a bad student. I just don't perform well and not only does everyone notice, they start disliking me for it. Because they don't know I'm not eating. They think I just suck at life.

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