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depressed again


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Ok i have been really down these last two weeks! I mean really down. Ok, been progressively worse.

Then yesterday my granddad, was told he doesn't have much time left to live and had to rush out of work to take my mum to the airport. So i get a message from one of the girls letting my now that she thinks i don't shower enough or clean my cloths (I do). My hair is a mess and unkempt. If i am not going to get my highlights done i should dye my hair dark (my hair is blond naturally?) .......... it was the most evil message i have ever read. So instead i of spending the rest of the day crying about my grampsie, i cried cause i hated myself.

I went too work today, and couldn't look at anybody in the eyes. A she is an insensitive tactless bitch since my my grampsie died and i was already depressed.

I spoke to another girl ( everyone is scared of her but we friends and she is in charge of leave and overtime). She was super awesome. She says that everybody id just worried cause i have stopped looking after myself. (Aggie is an insensitive bitch and she read the message and said if i wanted her to she would talk to her)

Apparently my boss was wanting to talk to me too. But Neo said she would, so might go talk to her too.

I told Neo I was Bipolar and she was divine, she did say that there is no reason to be embarrassed, i never asked for it and we all work in a hospital! But we going to still keep it confidential. She said she would let me go to the doctor when ever i want but since she is in charge of leave and over time nobody has to know.

But more to the point.

I have let myself fall of the track again. And i don't know what to do. I can maybe ask to increase the prozac? I need to do some thing soon, if the people at work are coming to me. It scares me.....

The keep coming faster now.

I feel desperate and alone

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Yes, ditto sylvan. On the doc and the setting the alarm. I don't have trouble with getting ready on work days, but weekends? If I don't have some external source "forcing" me to get showered, I don't. I need that push.

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i'm sorry about your grampsie :(

that girl who talked about your appearance is just mean. that's awful, i wanna kick her in the shins.

everybody's right, you gotta see pdoc.

i'm glad you got it straightened out at work, so if you need time off it's okay.

you didn't "let yourself fall off track". you got sick. i don't think you intentionally avoided being happy.

please do call pdoc soon... :loved:

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Please applaud me, washed and straighten my hair every day and did my make up nicely and even wore a cute little alice band with crystals on today. But i feel like a fraud. And Neo said that everybody at work wanted to know why we went off for a chat yesterday, and she told them it was non of their business, Aggie asked if it was about the message, and she said that she should have not said what she said, the way she said it and DEFIANTLY not when she said it. Its also something that you talk to about in person. Everybody should leave me alone, and when i am ready to talk I will.

Very nice of her.

She said i should take an afternoon and spoil myself, nails hair etc. Learn to take care of myself. She also said that maybe i should apple to do medicine because she knows that i would be happy. So i am going to check it out when i am ready.

My mum has been phoning now all day cause she said she was worried and she will fly me to cape town to spend the weekend with her. I got to see my psychologist on friday, really badly! So going to see if i can see him in the morning and fly in the evening. Its just so difficult to organize much.

I think my mum is also now freaking out, cause i am officially on my own medical aid (she has no idea what is happening) and I made my mum my beneficiary for everything that i get back from work ect

I don't know, i guess its one day at a time. I'm seeing Steve (tdoc) on friday. Maybe i should go see my pdoc?

I just feel like a zombie, a rather lonely zombie.

Do I go talk to my boss??

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Please applaud me, washed and straighten my hair every day and did my make up nicely and even wore a cute little alice band with crystals on today. But i feel like a fraud. And Neo said that everybody at work wanted to know why we went off for a chat yesterday, and she told them it was non of their business, Aggie asked if it was about the message, and she said that she should have not said what she said, the way she said it and DEFIANTLY not when she said it. Its also something that you talk to about in person. Everybody should leave me alone, and when i am ready to talk I will.

Very nice of her.

She said i should take an afternoon and spoil myself, nails hair etc. Learn to take care of myself. She also said that maybe i should apple to do medicine because she knows that i would be happy. So i am going to check it out when i am ready.

My mum has been phoning now all day cause she said she was worried and she will fly me to cape town to spend the weekend with her. I got to see my psychologist on friday, really badly! So going to see if i can see him in the morning and fly in the evening. Its just so difficult to organize much.

I think my mum is also now freaking out, cause i am officially on my own medical aid (she has no idea what is happening) and I made my mum my beneficiary for everything that i get back from work ect

I don't know, i guess its one day at a time. I'm seeing Steve (tdoc) on friday. Maybe i should go see my pdoc?

I just feel like a zombie, a rather lonely zombie.

Do I go talk to my boss??

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