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This post is just to get some things off my chest in hopes of being able to communicate to my tdoc later this week.

Saturday morning I woke up and wrote 3 pages in my journal. Kind of got to the root of some of my issues, which is good. But ever since then I've been dredding going back to my tdoc. I'm really embarrased because I am not looking forward to talking about myself. In the past it's always been about how other people affect me. So now I'm back to depressed again. My house is an absolute mess and my best friend hasn't been around. I just can't stand myself and wonder if I'm really as bad of a person as I think I am.

Lately I haven't been sleeping and when I do I wake up crying and hope that one day I will wake up from this horrible dream and be 15 again with my whole life in front of me. Hopefully my session in a few days will make some of this anxiety and depression go away, at least for awhile. I just worry that I will go and lock up again which doesn't do me any good. Uggg...I just want to sleep forever.

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