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Don't know what to do


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My mood has been cycling all over the place recently. I've been in a serious depressive slump for weeks now. I've been self-harming everyday. The longest I've gone without self-harming in the last couple of years is a month. It feels like the only thing that works, but when my boyfriend finds out I've done it, he gets really upset with me. Logically, I understand why he's upset and if our situations were reversed, I'd probably be just as upset with him. I just wish I could view it as something dangerous and harmful when I'm doing it to myself. It makes me feel better. Pain makes me feel so, so much better. I've tried alternatives to self-harm, but none of them feel the same or help in the same way. It's frustrating, because I feel guilty for hurting my boyfriend and my family and I know I should stop. I just don't know how to get out of this. I'm so tired of trying to fight myself.

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I can understand the feelings towards SI. I know it doesn't help when a friend/boyfriend/someone reacts that way. It helped a lot when I had a friend I could talk to without her getting mad or overreacting about it. Is there any way you could talk to your boyfriend about how his reactions to your SI might affect you? Maybe ask him to be more calm about it and have him try to understand WHY you do it instead of just getting angry? Let him know you can understand why he gets mad, but that it doesn't help and it's something you should both work on?

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To combine the previous posts:

SI is addictive - and this is something that your bf should know. That way he can look up how to help addicts quit and a lot of that is about being supportive, rather than getting angry. He won't know how to help you unless you can teach him (or teach him enough that he can research it himself).

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Thanks for the replies everyone. I am in therapy. My therapist has suggested a number of 'alternative' techniques, but I haven't yet found a suitable substitute. Plus my motivations for self-harming aren't always the same (i.e. I'm not always dissociating, not always wanting to release negative emotions) so it's tough. I've tried talking to him over the last few days, and I can see he's really trying. I'm really trying too.

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