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A possibly neurotic "Hello" from the Poconos. ;-)

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Hello everyone.

I have been a "lurker" periodically--mainly reading the medication reviews.

I am a 35-year-old married woman. We don't have children, but have two cats. I work in Social Work. My husband is disabled.......I paint ALL THE TIME--or at least, when I am home and done with housework and such...It's my saving grace. It keeps me from going off the rails.

I grew up with mental illness. My mother suffers from Bipolar, and my father suffers from PTSD from Vietnam (He will tell anyone to their face that the war has made him mental.)

My husband is likewise mentally ill.

I always had my "manic moments" and the moments when I would become an introvert and write dreadful and depressing poetry. I would fantasize about death. My heros were always Anne Sexton--Sylvia Plath--Virginia Woolf--- I admired those who could commit suicide. I saw it as a courageous statement. I never thought I had any real problems other than anxiety attacks. I did a lot of drugs. I was always the life of the party--but when I was down--I was very down.

Long story short, I started having horrendous PMS---turned out to be PMDD. I went to the obgyn--she prescibed Sarafem--aka-prozac--well, the generic...20 mg to take every day if I wanted to--or two weeks out of the month. I opted for the entire month.

I was so apprehensive to start meds because my mother has been up and down, and in and out of the proverbial rabbit hole for years--xanax addiction--all the anti-depressants--or at least 90%..and now, after being released from the hospital yesterday for another mental episode, she is on a new knock-your-socks-off cocktail. I was scared. I was in denial. I never wanted to be like my mother.

The prozac worked like a dream for three months. My PMS bouts no longer happened. I was happy. I wasn't la-dee-da, but my husband saw me as so--And that was only because when stress would come, I wouldn't freak out and fly off the handle or fall into a weeping mess like I normally would. I would cope with it--think logically. So, I knew that I was wrong to resist the meds after the prozac seemed to be such a charm. Of course, nothing gold can stay, and it stopped working. In fact, I got worse.

The end result--I broke down and saw a Psychiatrist. I have been diagnosed bipolar spectrum with hypomania----I am currently taking the Lamictal ride to 100mg and presently on 50mg. I change to 75mg on Tuesday. I am still on the prozac. My doctor recognizes the issues with prozac, but wants to take it "one thing at a time", and now he's fixated on the lamictal. I am also on the thin side--I range from 103-109 and I am quite short--so perhaps that is why. I don't know. This is all new to me.

I am still on the fence with my diagnosis. I am still on the fence with the meds. Right now I am working feverishly on my art, and I don't want to throw a chink in the chain. I don't want to become a dulled-down version of ME.

Alas, I don't mean to whine.

I just wanted to introduce myself.

I used to be a very interesting person at one time. Now, I am just kinda hobbling along.

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Welcome to Crazyboards. I hope this is a comfortable place for you, and I'm glad you finally saw a pdoc so you could get some good treatment.

Please read the rules when you get a chance and contact a mod if you have a question about anything.


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