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I WANT ECT (SEVEN MONTHS OF HELL)


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i dont know how it started or why but six months ago i started to feel depressed crying and confused

each day it got worse untill it completely toke me over

now i am crying every day all day more like howling in pain

I dont leave my house i just sit on my bed and smoke cigerts and wish for death,I havent left my house in two weeks

I cant work anymore

I have a nine year old daughter that lives with my sister during the week and with me on the week ends but because of the way i am its not healthy for her to come on the weekends anymore

I was is the hospital for a week hoping they would help me they did nothing all i did was sit in my bed cry and stare at a wall

I dont have it in me to do anything,taking a bath is a huge ordeal

I feel no pleasure of happiness,everyday i wake up crying in terror like your worst fear is happening but nothing is

I am convinced i lost my soul and my personality people who know me before wouldn't recognize me anymore

I dont even recognize me anymore

I live in a small town and mental health is very limited here

I do have a physiatrist he recently put me on Lithium 600 mg and said come see me in two weeks

not very helpful cause in these two weeks i can only sit alone in my room and cry

I am also on Effexor 150mg

and have tryed many other antidepressants/antipsychotics none of them have worked

I want ECT but the Dr wants to try me on all the meds first but ive been on so many with no improvement i just keep getting worse..

every day is hell for real i dont get a min of relief

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM SO SCARED AND ALONE

my family has distance themselves from me cause the cant handle it

I dont trust mysldf my thinking is numb and coufused

People say just get out there do things but honestly i cant

Im a freak now and live in my home just waiting to die....

I am hoping i find a way to get ECT and soon ive been this way for seven months and i cant hold on anymore

nothing stops the pain

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I know that depression is hell...believe me. I have stared at a wall just crying for a period of time too. I've been on countless meds and have had a lot of therapy. But really...ECT should be used as a last resort. It can cause memory loss, it can cause seizures...I don't know, I'm not sure that will be better than how you're feeling. Now I know it's insensitive that people are telling you to just go out and do something...they are ignorant. But seriously, discuss other options with your doctor before doing that therapy. It's a last resort for a reason...

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I am so sorry you are suffering with severe depression. What torment. There are so many different medication options and ECT is generally the last resort.

There are a lot of people here who can share their experiences and people who eventually found a successful combo. Some people take Lithium/Lamictal plus an AD. Or they add some Seroquel to their AD. There are just dozens of ways to approach this.

You wrote you live in a small town. If I were in your position I would go to a larger town/city to get a second opinion from a differentr psychiatrist. And you want one who comes recommended. Just like you would if you had cancer or another life threatening illness. If you are unable to drive ask someone to take you. It is worth every effort to regain your mental health and have more time with your nine year old daughter.

I hope you recover Nunchielost.

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Thank you for your kind replys

and please dont mind my horrible spelling

as far as trying differenet meds i have been on

Risparadol

Serquil

abilify

zoloft

cepralex

paxil

webutran

clanazapam

ativan

and a few more i cant remember the names of

I been on different natraul products as well

ive seen a homeopath a natraulpath

done Chinese medicine and acupuncture

nothing has helpt

and iam at the point where if i cant get well and start working again im going to become homeless if i dont kill myself first

Im in Kelowna the closest large city is Vancouver if i go there to get a DR my DR here will dissmise me as his client and then im really f*cked because he just put me on litium and i dont know what my levels are at

theres 8 month wait lists in kelowna for psychiatrists so trying to get another one is a story in its self

I tracked down a Dr here that dose ECT and im going to call him Monday hopfully he'll hear me out and consder doing the treatments on me

I dont care about the memory loss id much rather forget this past year anyways

The suffering that i deal with is every sec of the day even now as i am typing i am bawling

seven months i think is long enough to be a gunie pig for meds

im suicidal and in a very dark place meds havent helpt ive tryed and hoped and prayed ECT is the only thing that is giving me enough hope to hold on just a little longer

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Hi nunchielost,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. I don't have any answers unfortunately, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. I'm going through much of what are feeling right now. I hope you find relief either by meds or ect. I wish you the best.

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Well,,,,,that is a long list of medications. Plus you have tried alternative options. I can see why you are deperate for relief and willing to try ECT.

If you go to Vancouver for a second opinion your Kelowna psychiatrist will DROP you????? oh, the canadian system

in the states, as long as you can pay $$$, you could get a second or third opinion and your original psychiatrist would not even know. In fact the other doctors could not contact him without your written permission.

Have you had a conversation with the current Pdoc about ECT ? What are his/her thoughts on ECT? Could he REFER you out for a second opinion?? Would that be considered professional care? I mean, if you have intractable depression why would he not consult with another doctor......just like a doctor would with cancer or someother disease.

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Thank you for your kind replys

and please dont mind my horrible spelling

as far as trying differenet meds i have been on

Risparadol

Serquil

abilify

zoloft

cepralex

paxil

webutran

clanazapam

ativan

and a few more i cant remember the names of

I been on different natraul products as well

ive seen a homeopath a natraulpath

done Chinese medicine and acupuncture

nothing has helpt

and iam at the point where if i cant get well and start working again im going to become homeless if i dont kill myself first

Im in Kelowna the closest large city is Vancouver if i go there to get a DR my DR here will dissmise me as his client and then im really f*cked because he just put me on litium and i dont know what my levels are at

theres 8 month wait lists in kelowna for psychiatrists so trying to get another one is a story in its self

I tracked down a Dr here that dose ECT and im going to call him Monday hopfully he'll hear me out and consder doing the treatments on me

I dont care about the memory loss id much rather forget this past year anyways

The suffering that i deal with is every sec of the day even now as i am typing i am bawling

seven months i think is long enough to be a gunie pig for meds

im suicidal and in a very dark place meds havent helpt ive tryed and hoped and prayed ECT is the only thing that is giving me enough hope to hold on just a little longer

I don't see any anticonvulsants on your list. Carbamazepine (aka Tegretol) brought me out of a suicidal depression and has kept a floor under my depression so that I don't fall so far down. Many people have success with lamotrigine (aka Lamictal). Then there is valproic acid (aka Depakote) that helps out depression sometimes.

In my case, I was given the chewable 100 mg carbamazepine tablets first, and in my experience, they started to work within 10 minutes of taking 2 of them. I still preferr the chewable tablets but had to change to the 200 mg non-chewable tablets because of financial reasons. However, they did work for me. Carbamazepine has sort of a dual action - the immediate relief plus a long term blood level action to stabilize the mood. Anyway, it's worth talking over with your doctor.

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Well,,,,,that is a long list of medications. Plus you have tried alternative options. I can see why you are deperate for relief and willing to try ECT.

If you go to Vancouver for a second opinion your Kelowna psychiatrist will DROP you????? oh, the canadian system

in the states, as long as you can pay $$$, you could get a second or third opinion and your original psychiatrist would not even know. In fact the other doctors could not contact him without your written permission.

Have you had a conversation with the current Pdoc about ECT ? What are his/her thoughts on ECT? Could he REFER you out for a second opinion?? Would that be considered professional care? I mean, if you have intractable depression why would he not consult with another doctor......just like a doctor would with cancer or someother disease.

What id a Pdoc?

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Thank you for your kind replys

and please dont mind my horrible spelling

as far as trying differenet meds i have been on

Risparadol

Serquil

abilify

zoloft

cepralex

paxil

webutran

clanazapam

ativan

and a few more i cant remember the names of

I been on different natraul products as well

ive seen a homeopath a natraulpath

done Chinese medicine and acupuncture

nothing has helpt

and iam at the point where if i cant get well and start working again im going to become homeless if i dont kill myself first

Im in Kelowna the closest large city is Vancouver if i go there to get a DR my DR here will dissmise me as his client and then im really f*cked because he just put me on litium and i dont know what my levels are at

theres 8 month wait lists in kelowna for psychiatrists so trying to get another one is a story in its self

I tracked down a Dr here that dose ECT and im going to call him Monday hopfully he'll hear me out and consder doing the treatments on me

I dont care about the memory loss id much rather forget this past year anyways

The suffering that i deal with is every sec of the day even now as i am typing i am bawling

seven months i think is long enough to be a gunie pig for meds

im suicidal and in a very dark place meds havent helpt ive tryed and hoped and prayed ECT is the only thing that is giving me enough hope to hold on just a little longer

I don't see any anticonvulsants on your list. Carbamazepine (aka Tegretol) brought me out of a suicidal depression and has kept a floor under my depression so that I don't fall so far down. Many people have success with lamotrigine (aka Lamictal). Then there is valproic acid (aka Depakote) that helps out depression sometimes.

In my case, I was given the chewable 100 mg carbamazepine tablets first, and in my experience, they started to work within 10 minutes of taking 2 of them. I still preferr the chewable tablets but had to change to the 200 mg non-chewable tablets because of financial reasons. However, they did work for me. Carbamazepine has sort of a dual action - the immediate relief plus a long term blood level action to stabilize the mood. Anyway, it's worth talking over with your doctor.

Are those for bipoler? i dont have ups and downs im just down all the time

but i will talk to the Dr about it

The Drs here are wierd when i bring up meds they say stuff like well if your going to prescribe and diagnose for your self what do you need me for (harsh i know i have to be careful what i say to him)

Thank you!

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I'm sorry that your doctors are so sensitive there. Here you can suggest any med, and the doctor will discuss it with you. It doesn't mean he will prescribe it, but he will take you seriously.

Yes, anticonvulsants are sometimes used to treat bipolar disorder. However, I have never been diagnosed as bipolar, but I still take carbamazepine and lamotrigine for major depression. They are effective medications. Look at it this way, depression is just 1/2 of a bipolar cycle. If it evens out the moods for bipolar, it must also lift people out of deep depressions.

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as far as trying differenet meds i have been on

Risparadol

Serquil

abilify

zoloft

cepralex

paxil

webutran

clanazapam

ativan

and a few more i cant remember the names of

I don't see any anticonvulsants on your list. Carbamazepine (aka Tegretol) brought me out of a suicidal depression and has kept a floor under my depression so that I don't fall so far down. Many people have success with lamotrigine (aka Lamictal). Then there is valproic acid (aka Depakote) that helps out depression sometimes.

In my case, I was given the chewable 100 mg carbamazepine tablets first, and in my experience, they started to work within 10 minutes of taking 2 of them. I still preferr the chewable tablets but had to change to the 200 mg non-chewable tablets because of financial reasons. However, they did work for me. Carbamazepine has sort of a dual action - the immediate relief plus a long term blood level action to stabilize the mood. Anyway, it's worth talking over with your doctor.

Are those for bipoler? i dont have ups and downs im just down all the time

but i will talk to the Dr about it

The Drs here are wierd when i bring up meds they say stuff like well if your going to prescribe and diagnose for your self what do you need me for (harsh i know i have to be careful what i say to him)

Thank you!

Honestly, unless you've been on quite a few that you can't remember, that really isn't a whole lot. Take a look at my sig.. that's alot. I'm looking at the major possibility of getting ECT. That would be the place to start thinking seriously about it. You've given SSRI's and AAP's (the names of the two classes of meds you have tried) the good old college try, so it's relatively sufficif to say that those classes don't just work for you and you need to move on - unless of course you try them as an add-ons after finding something that works relatively well.

Tegretol has some minor anti-depressant activity, not so much for Depakote - as that serves mainly to stop the mania associated with BP (Bipolar). Lamictal on the other hand is an excellent med that has a good record of helping MDD (Depression).

Yes this medication is built around BP, but that doesn't mean that it can't help depression too. I have MDD and have found Lamictal to be helpful.

Another group of meds that are mainly for MDD is comprised of Cymbalta and Effexor which are in fact categorized as anti-depressants. In my opnion, this would absolutely be next in line to try - so definitely bring this up with your pdoc (psychiatrist). Other possible meds are Wellbutrin, Trazodone, Remeron, Lithium. If none of these work for you, there is yet another group called TCA's that are pretty effective too.

If you really want ECT, you may be able to find a pdoc who will give it to you against they're better judgement. However, I strongly suggest against it. You have far too many options to suffer though ECT and it's associated memory loss.

Edit: Ok, didn't see your sig. But I can say that Cymbalta worked differently for me than Effexor. Anyway, I still think that ECT would be premature.

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A Pdoc is a psychiatrist. And most psychiatrists in the states will discuss different med options and consider the patients questions and concerns. And that attitude, that you should not have questions.....or suggestions.....well I would hate that.

Maybe you need to just switch to a different Psychiatrist if your doctor has such a bad attitude. I know that is not easy in Canada.

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Nunchie, I'm truly sorry you are going thru this. Severe depression is exhausting and heart wrenchingly difficult. I can understand being worn down to considering extreme procedures. The thing is, you are on a cocktail like no other that you've tried, and you are on low doses. Most likely Lithium is low. You need a level check to say for sure, but 600mg is usually a low level. Effexor is definitely low and this med behaves differently at different doses. I think you really need to give these two a real trial before you consider anything else. I also think that you should not wait two weeks to see your psychiatrist, but call him now. Doctors are there to help, but they can't if you don't tell them you need it.

As for ECT, you don't get to select the memories you lose or how much memory loss you have. ECT also does not work for everyone. It is not a guaranteed solution. Between now and then there are few more meds you should try. Tricyclics are a different type of antidepressant. They may work. Lamictal is an anticonvulsant that often works for people with difficult to treat depression. There are still options that could be very effective. But first, be more patient with what you are trying and call you pdoc about how you are feeling.

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Nunchie, I'm truly sorry you are going thru this. Severe depression is exhausting and heart wrenchingly difficult. I can understand being worn down to considering extreme procedures. The thing is, you are on a cocktail like no other that you've tried, and you are on low doses. Most likely Lithium is low. You need a level check to say for sure, but 600mg is usually a low level. Effexor is definitely low and this med behaves differently at different doses. I think you really need to give these two a real trial before you consider anything else. I also think that you should not wait two weeks to see your psychiatrist, but call him now. Doctors are there to help, but they can't if you don't tell them you need it.

As for ECT, you don't get to select the memories you lose or how much memory loss you have. ECT also does not work for everyone. It is not a guaranteed solution. Between now and then there are few more meds you should try. Tricyclics are a different type of antidepressant. They may work. Lamictal is an anticonvulsant that often works for people with difficult to treat depression. There are still options that could be very effective. But first, be more patient with what you are trying and call you pdoc about how you are feeling.

Thank you for your sujjestions

I am not allowed to call my Pdoc

If i was to call him he would say any concerns have to wait for are appointment,

If i say iam suicidal he would say go to the hospitle and ive been to Kelowna hospitle, i was there for a week a Dr talked to me once for 5 min and the rest of the time i just sat on my bed staring at the wall and crying

I wish I could get a better Pdoc but i have already had three and theres a huge wait list my GP says just be happy i have a Pdoc at all..

Its really bad in Kelowna for mental heath help! if i was well enough id move but i cant even leave my house let alone move

I really feel with out hope i need help so bad and theres none

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If you have been through all those meds is 6-7 months I do not think you could have given all of them a good trial. Do you have a diagnosis ?

nf

one Dr said adjustment disorder and psychosis

another Dr said borderline personality dissorder

and this Dr says Deppression and anxiety

So i dont really know maby a bit of all of them

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I'm sorry you are going through this. Depression sucks.

I live in Canada too and I know how frustrating it can be to try and get a second opinion. Van would be a good place to look though or maybe just into the Valley. There will be a provincial College of Surgeons and Physicians with online listings, and I have found that is the best place to look for docs. Try looking in Squamish & Whistler too b/c docs go there for the lifestyle (like they do here in Canmore) but see people from the city. It sucks when you're depressed because it takes SO much energy to call all these people, but it's usually way faster than waiting for referrals.

About ECT... I have had ECT. 3 rounds, 38 zaps in total. I don't know if the risks are worth it after 7 months of depression, and along with other people that have posted, there are still lots of other types of meds (like TCAs and MAOIs) to try for longer periods of time. ECT really does a number on your memories. I had ECT 2008-2009 and I remember NOTHING after about 2002ish. NOTHING. I lost everything in the last 9 years, including memories from before I was sick. I found the process to be exhausting and debilitating. And one round DIDN'T make me better. Nor did a second round. I will be having more maintenance ECT this spring. I don't mean to scare you, but I hope you find a doc who can sort of lay out more options for you, because there are still some out there.

If you want to talk more about ECT and docs in Canada, feel free to message me.

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I'm also sorry that you're suffering so much. I will restate what most have been saying here and warn you that ECT is definitely not a guarantee and has a lot of pretty nasty side effects. I was close to resorting to ECT and my pdoc even brought it up as an option 4 months ago. But now I'm more stable than I think I've ever been thanks to adding prozac to my seroquel, lamictal and lithium. It's a ton of meds but i'm doing so much better so it's definitely worth it. This depression definitely can go away and you can become stable. I'm sorry that your pdoc and the mental illness treatment really are not very good in your area. That said it is good that you are trying meds and that you are able to get a pdoc. Unfortunately depression and a lot of mental disorders are not very simple or easy to diagnose or treat. There is really no way to know which meds will help you till you try them.

I hope you feel better soon. Take care

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Hi nunchie, I hope you are doing better today.

I don't want to sound like I'm beating a dead horse here, but I agree with the others. You have a while to go before considering ECT. I know exactly how you feel. You are hurting badly and want it to go away as soon as possible, preferably instantly. Unfortunately, even ECT doesn't provide instant relief. It usually takes several rounds, and the mood elevating effects may not last. So the best route is to try meds and tough it out until they have been given a chance to work. While you are waiting for the meds to work, maybe you can find a therapist to lean on?

I want to say it again, carbamazepine was a miracle drug for me. Without it I would be dead today. It provided close to instant relief for me. I am not saying that it will do the same for you or even is the right med for you, but I just want you to know that there are meds out there that DO work. You just have to be patient and find them.

I'm sorry for the pschiatrist situation that you have there. I still think that you can suggest meds to your doctor, and he will listen to you, as long as you don't insist on a certain drug. I know that a small town can be rough. I live in a small town, but I travel to a larger city for my psychiatrist. I know it's tough because you said that you have trouble getting out of the house. I also have trouble getting out of the house. However, I am willing to go out of the house to get the help that I need. It's better than getting worse or dying.

So nunchie, there is help out there, and there is hope. I promise you that you won't feel so bad forever. It will get better.

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