Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Confused newbie


Recommended Posts

OK, so I'm new here, and I need advice. I'm going to startby introducing myself. I'm a teenage girl with a fairly good life, parents thatare good to me, even when I bitch at them, and I'm doing really quite well - in the good times - in school. And I'm really starting to get confused by my mind.

I have times when I get into a really crazy mood - over NOTHING. It's kind of hard to explain exactly how it feels. I can tell when it's about to start, because I lose all my motivation to do anything, even things I enjoy. And then a couple of days later it culminates in anything from one night to two weeks of my daytime beingfilled with certainty that every person who speaks to me is plotting mydownfall and, depending on the person, I'll possibly end up doing something stupid that I regret later.

And my night times mostly get spent awake, in some weird fixation. I'll obsess with a song and listen to it on repeat, sitting motionless, for eight hours. Or I'll fill a piece of paper with the same sentence over and over again in red ink. Or I'll light a candle and just stare into the flame. Or I'll *possible self harm trigger, I would rather be too cautious than not enough* [find a pair of scissors andmake myself bleed and bleed and I won't stop until I'm bleeding 'enough'. It's not to feel the pain though, physical sensation is oddly muted during these times, but it's to see the blood. I just fixate on it. I don't know why.]

And at some point in the early hours, maybe 3 or 4 o'clock, I fall asleep, to be woken at half six for school. And then one morning I'llwake up and I'll have snapped out of it. I can tell that it's over because I think what I did the night before was idiotic. It's really weird, because it starts really gradually, but it stops so suddenly. And after a night of normal sleep, I can barely recall how I felt, what I was doing or why, but the next time I feel that way, the memories will come back to me.

So.

What I'm trying to ask is, what's wrong with me? Please don't just tell me to go to a doctor - I have issues with talking about things with people face to face, and the one 'real' (and by that I mean not from the internet) person who knows about this is very good at stopping me doing anything really destructive, and she doesn't mind being rung at half past one in the morning so that she can calm me down.

Some people on another forum (not a mental disorders basedone, this was a mental illness thread in Off Topic) think that this could be the bottom end of rapid cycle Bipolar or Cyclothymia, but the thing is, as far as I know I've never had a manic or hypomanic episode. No, I have had what Ithink could be considered hypomanic episodes if you look at them in the right way immediately after having studied the symptom list in great detail, but they don't stand out very much at all from my normal life, not like how the bad phases do.

Even if I don't get a 'real' diagnosis from a doctor is it still OK if I hang out with you guys anyway?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome! Of course, you can hang out with us. Make yourself at home.

The thing is, we're not doctors. We're not qualified to diagnose you. I could tell you what I think it is, but it wouldn't help you unless you saw a psychiatrist. Even though you don't want to hear it, you must see a doctor. Also, please tell your parents about it so that they can help you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome! Of course, you can hang out with us. Make yourself at home.

The thing is, we're not doctors. We're not qualified to diagnose you. I could tell you what I think it is, but it wouldn't help you unless you saw a psychiatrist. Even though you don't want to hear it, you must see a doctor. Also, please tell your parents about it so that they can help you.

My parents know that it exists (it's kind of hard to miss, although I don't know if they know exactly what happens overnight) but they don't really take it seriously because they'll ask me why I'm upset and then I have to tell them that I don't know, because I have no idea. And then they'll say something like 'Aww, well then there's not really any point in being upset, is there? Come on, cheer up' And then they go away and leave me to it. Which is probably the best thing for their sanity, even if not mine.

The thing is with doctors, I feel really silly talking about how I feel in these phases when I'm in an OK mood, because it sounds so stupid and idiotic, and putting it into words out loud just makes it sound even stupider. And I don't want to be a freak. I'm already 'the weird one' at my school before we bring mental problems into the picture. If I hang around here for a bit and get more comfortable with it, I might work up enough courage to speak to somebody in person. We'll see.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome!

If speaking with people face to face is difficult for you, you could perhaps write instead and hand them the text? Like your original post.

And I can relate to it feeling weird to talk about one's "issues" when one's not right in the middle of them. You don't sound stupid and you're not a freak. To give you an example of a possible reaction, I feel like I have two separate modes (I hope that's the right word), one where I know that my thoughts are strange and one where I firmly believe in the strange things my mind makes up. I was worried about how my pdoc would react to hearing that, because I'd made it such a big deal in my mind, but she said something like "oh, I see" and asked about what kinds of things determine what mode I'll be at a given time. In the end telling her was certainly a good thing, because the better I describe what I'm going through, the better she'll be able to treat me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad you found us and we will be happy to talk to you, but as JT07 said, we are not doctors and cannot diagnose you.

If you can't talk to a doctor, can you see a counselor at school? Only a professional will know which questions to ask and how to help you. As has been suggested, you can print out that first post and bring it to the appointment. The doctor or counselor will have a better idea of what questions to ask you after they have read your description.

Good luck!

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome!

If speaking with people face to face is difficult for you, you could perhaps write instead and hand them the text? Like your original post.

And I can relate to it feeling weird to talk about one's "issues" when one's not right in the middle of them. You don't sound stupid and you're not a freak. To give you an example of a possible reaction, I feel like I have two separate modes (I hope that's the right word), one where I know that my thoughts are strange and one where I firmly believe in the strange things my mind makes up. I was worried about how my pdoc would react to hearing that, because I'd made it such a big deal in my mind, but she said something like "oh, I see" and asked about what kinds of things determine what mode I'll be at a given time. In the end telling her was certainly a good thing, because the better I describe what I'm going through, the better she'll be able to treat me.

I see. I think writing a note could make it easier. What you've said at least reassures me I'm not alone in feeling like this about doctors. For when (not if ) I decide to do it, What should I do to get to speak to a psychiatrist? Do I just go to my GP and say 'I think I'm going mad, refer me please'?

Edit: Olga, we do have a counselor at school, as well as one of the history teachers that is supposed to be available to listen to stuff like this. Here are now my (pathetic) excuses as to why I don't want to talk to them: 1. See reasons for not liking to speak to doctors 2. I've spoken to the counselor before once with an unrelated issue, and I just don't find her a pleasant woman. I'm sure she's a lovely person really, I just don't get on with her. 3. I am currently accompanying one of my friends to her appointments with the other teacher because she is too nervous to go on her own, and I don't want to see her on my own as well. Please don't ask me why not, because I don't know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see. I think writing a note could make it easier. What you've said at least reassures me I'm not alone in feeling like this about doctors. For when (not if ) I decide to do it, What should I do to get to speak to a psychiatrist? Do I just go to my GP and say 'I think I'm going mad, refer me please'?

Pretty much, yeah. You don't have to say "I think I'm going mad," just give a rundown of the sympotms and ask for a referral. Don't be shy. Trust me, you doctor has seen it all before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, JT is right---no one here wants to talk you into doing something that makes you really uncomfortable. But if you could get a referral from your GP to a psychiatrist, that would be good. I understand why you don't want to talk to the counselor at school, and we don't want to try to talk you into seeing him or her if it's not right for you.

I think we're just trying to help you figure out a way to convey your symptoms to the right person so you can be sent to a psychiatrist or other mental health professional.

Let us know how you're doing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, JT is right---no one here wants to talk you into doing something that makes you really uncomfortable. But if you could get a referral from your GP to a psychiatrist, that would be good. I understand why you don't want to talk to the counselor at school, and we don't want to try to talk you into seeing him or her if it's not right for you.

I think we're just trying to help you figure out a way to convey your symptoms to the right person so you can be sent to a psychiatrist or other mental health professional.

Let us know how you're doing.

I'm going to speak to my friend that knows about this and see what she says I should do. Because she's sensible and will tell me to do it. I think I might find a teacher or somebody at school first before I go to a doctor. That just seems easier to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

OK, so I'm new here, and I need advice. I'm going to startby introducing myself. I'm a teenage girl with a fairly good life, parents thatare good to me, even when I bitch at them, and I'm doing really quite well - in the good times - in school. And I'm really starting to get confused by my mind.

I have times when I get into a really crazy mood - over NOTHING. It's kind of hard to explain exactly how it feels. I can tell when it's about to start, because I lose all my motivation to do anything, even things I enjoy. And then a couple of days later it culminates in anything from one night to two weeks of my daytime beingfilled with certainty that every person who speaks to me is plotting mydownfall and, depending on the person, I'll possibly end up doing something stupid that I regret later.

And my night times mostly get spent awake, in some weird fixation. I'll obsess with a song and listen to it on repeat, sitting motionless, for eight hours. Or I'll fill a piece of paper with the same sentence over and over again in red ink. Or I'll light a candle and just stare into the flame. Or I'll *possible self harm trigger, I would rather be too cautious than not enough* [find a pair of scissors andmake myself bleed and bleed and I won't stop until I'm bleeding 'enough'. It's not to feel the pain though, physical sensation is oddly muted during these times, but it's to see the blood. I just fixate on it. I don't know why.]

And at some point in the early hours, maybe 3 or 4 o'clock, I fall asleep, to be woken at half six for school. And then one morning I'llwake up and I'll have snapped out of it. I can tell that it's over because I think what I did the night before was idiotic. It's really weird, because it starts really gradually, but it stops so suddenly. And after a night of normal sleep, I can barely recall how I felt, what I was doing or why, but the next time I feel that way, the memories will come back to me.

So.

What I'm trying to ask is, what's wrong with me? Please don't just tell me to go to a doctor - I have issues with talking about things with people face to face, and the one 'real' (and by that I mean not from the internet) person who knows about this is very good at stopping me doing anything really destructive, and she doesn't mind being rung at half past one in the morning so that she can calm me down.

Some people on another forum (not a mental disorders basedone, this was a mental illness thread in Off Topic) think that this could be the bottom end of rapid cycle Bipolar or Cyclothymia, but the thing is, as far as I know I've never had a manic or hypomanic episode. No, I have had what Ithink could be considered hypomanic episodes if you look at them in the right way immediately after having studied the symptom list in great detail, but they don't stand out very much at all from my normal life, not like how the bad phases do.

Even if I don't get a 'real' diagnosis from a doctor is it still OK if I hang out with you guys anyway?

Hey!

I just joined today lol. But I thought it was interesting and I could relate because I have dealt with a lot of things myself. Ok, so from reading this I wanted to tell you that I am a lot like you. I'm not a doctor (I'm an artist and a student lol) but I can definitely relate.

I am 21 years old and I'm a Junior in Art School. I was diagnosed with OCD at 7 and then at 16-18 ADD and Depression, and then at 19 (finally lol) Bipolar Disorder Type II (the kind that Catherine Zeta-Jones has). I know from experience that a psychiatrist and medication definitely help, along with a psychologist. I was depressed for at least 2 years before I finally decided I had to get help because I could not take "the pain" (so to speak) anymore. Now by depressed I mean that I, slept ALL the time, very pessimestic, always told people that I wanted to jump off a cliff or get hit by a car, stopped eating (completely), always put myself down, ect. There is a HUGE difference from being depressed to having clinical depression (if you need an explanation, let me know). Aside from that though, I worried about the fact that I thought I was going to kill myself (if that makes sense?). Geez it's weird rehashing this stuff :-/.

What I haven't addressed yet is the "manic" stuff. It wasn't until I was put on stimulants for ADD along with the antidepressants for the Depression when it really came out. Before that though, my mom would say something to me and I would just scream, then she would yell back and I kept going and never calmed down. I yelled at my brother all the time even though he was just being an annoying little brother. I only yelled at the people that I was closest to though (which sucked). Once on the medication, I was the last one up in my dorms and the first one wake in the mornings. My head was spinning because thoughts were racing in my head (that's a pretty big indicator). I acted like a 13 year old even though I was a freshman in college 18/19 years old. Just really hyper and wild.

Anyways, it's good that your friend is willing to help out and listen to you but it's a lot for them to deal with too. My best friend helped influence me to "get help" because I didn't really want to but she had a hard time dealing with it to because she was worried that her best friend was going to kill herself. 5 years later, she is still my best friend and we are closer than ever! I am finally in a better place and a lot of that has to do with the medication and finding the right doctors.

Hope that helps and didn't bore you lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...