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Hi..I'm Amanda. I've been lurking for a few days to say the least. I guess I'm not too sure as what to say? I've been battling severe depression, suicidal thoughts and crazy anxiety for about 6 years. It has gotten a lot worse over the past couple months...due to (what i THINK is account of) not being treated in over 2 years, 3 years of insomnia to the point where no sleep medication keeps me asleep, and a year of chronic hip and back pain....had my first hip surgery March 2 in the hospital for special surgery in NYC (i live VERY close) along with opiate addiction from the long time use of percocet, I assume cutting this habit, smoking, and coupled with other unknown things just pushed me over the edge. I've had ED tendencies since i was 14 and i am going on 22 now i don't remember much of my childhood at all, but I'm pretty sure I'm 100% not sexually abused. (emotionally and verbally has been recently..unless you count getting made fun of in school throughout my childhood)!! well that is PLENTY too much about me.

I'm starting partial hospitalization this upcoming Wednesday...and all my dx are not yet clear. I do know if I am not in a crazy wanting to die mood, I'm irritated and annoyed to no belief. They say I'm more of a harm to others rather than myself, but the past few days I've been getting violent thoughts. Anyway---thoughts of how to control these feelings until I get to speak to the psychiatrist/psychologist Wednesday? Any thoughts on partial hospitalization? (not part of a hospital inpatient program) Maybe another tip about me--I am severely agoraphobia (won't leave my room, let alone the house), keep to myself, trust no none, send have about 3 friends. They say support systems are very helpful in these situations--yes? No? Your thoughts?

I hate being smothered and coddled and that seems all my mother knows how to do (which seems to start the violent thoughts) and I've hurt her enough verbally and emotionally myself...but how the he'll do I tell her to back the fuck off? The nice route doesn't work. I am also told I have an unhealthy obsession with my cat. I don't see that, I just love him!...okay and maybe obsess a little.Oh! Vitamins...want to take some of those, too...just cannot have vitamins with iron my body rejects it in most cases.

What do you suggest for help with sleep? I'm starting to become delusional...and I don't sleep, I nap day/night an hour or two at a time.

Nice to meet you all and hear all of your stories/improvements.


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Welcome to CB!

Partial is a great resource and stepping stone, so is inpatient really. We arent doctors here so we cant say what meds or what to do, but you do need to find coping mechanisms, and work at this. We all work our butts off to get the help we need, and we use this as a tool, support etc.

Sleep is hard, Try teas maybe or meditation. I find a constant noise and focus on it, like the fans motor or something, worse comes to worse just read the Great Gatsby lol, that is usre to knock anyone out.

It was nice to meet you, there are great things here...chat, blogs, all the forums, oh and when you get a chance you should read the rules.

Hope to see you around and good luck on your treatment.

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Thank you guys!

Well my therapist was the one who actually referred me to partial hospitalization.

Just got a confirmation about starting tomorrow..and I'm really excited to get better..go on meds and get my full diagnosis and not just some words thrown around. I doubt paranoia is a dx, seems like a symptom to me so I think I'll remove that from the bottom.

I'm relieved to get to know you guys, too. I've been looking for a place like CB for a really long time.

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