Amanda Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Hi..I'm Amanda. I've been lurking for a few days to say the least. I guess I'm not too sure as what to say? I've been battling severe depression, suicidal thoughts and crazy anxiety for about 6 years. It has gotten a lot worse over the past couple months...due to (what i THINK is account of) not being treated in over 2 years, 3 years of insomnia to the point where no sleep medication keeps me asleep, and a year of chronic hip and back pain....had my first hip surgery March 2 in the hospital for special surgery in NYC (i live VERY close) along with opiate addiction from the long time use of percocet, I assume cutting this habit, smoking, and coupled with other unknown things just pushed me over the edge. I've had ED tendencies since i was 14 and i am going on 22 now i don't remember much of my childhood at all, but I'm pretty sure I'm 100% not sexually abused. (emotionally and verbally has been recently..unless you count getting made fun of in school throughout my childhood)!! well that is PLENTY too much about me. I'm starting partial hospitalization this upcoming Wednesday...and all my dx are not yet clear. I do know if I am not in a crazy wanting to die mood, I'm irritated and annoyed to no belief. They say I'm more of a harm to others rather than myself, but the past few days I've been getting violent thoughts. Anyway---thoughts of how to control these feelings until I get to speak to the psychiatrist/psychologist Wednesday? Any thoughts on partial hospitalization? (not part of a hospital inpatient program) Maybe another tip about me--I am severely agoraphobia (won't leave my room, let alone the house), keep to myself, trust no none, send have about 3 friends. They say support systems are very helpful in these situations--yes? No? Your thoughts? I hate being smothered and coddled and that seems all my mother knows how to do (which seems to start the violent thoughts) and I've hurt her enough verbally and emotionally myself...but how the he'll do I tell her to back the fuck off? The nice route doesn't work. I am also told I have an unhealthy obsession with my cat. I don't see that, I just love him!...okay and maybe obsess a little.Oh! Vitamins...want to take some of those, too...just cannot have vitamins with iron my body rejects it in most cases. What do you suggest for help with sleep? I'm starting to become delusional...and I don't sleep, I nap day/night an hour or two at a time. Nice to meet you all and hear all of your stories/improvements. Love,Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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