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When plans go astray


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After what happened today, I vented in my blog, but I wanted to ask all that frequent this forum a question. I know it's hard for those of us with BPD to control our emotions, but what if we're planning happily to do something, and then it gets messed up somehow? Say, we get up late, a place closes? Do you get irrationally pissed off and blow up?

That happened to me today. I got up late and I was going to donate plasma today, and I left later than I should have, and my bus commute takes about twenty or so minutes and I realized I didn't have enough time to get there, but I tried to go anyway, and upon the arrival to the bus stop, I realized.. no, there wouldn't be enough time. The bus arrived, no, no, not enough time. So I quickly walked home in tears, and when I crossed into my front yard I was mildly assaulted by a tree and attempted to break a branch off of it as I was enveloped in this unrelenting and all-encompassing anger. I went in the house, almost yelled at my mother that I didn't want any solutions when she tried to tell me I could go tomorrow, and I knew that, and I just grabbed the phone and sat down and proceeded to cry and call my dearest friend after the doors were locked. She helped me through it, but things like that happened before.

When my laptop broke I wanted to go to Best Buy to send it in, and I didn't want to take the bus, and asked my mom. I was all set on going, and she said no, and I got irrationally pissed off and had to go cool off.

When that happens, I tend to blame myself, all sorts of negative and damaging thoughts go through my head, I get sad, upset, and so fucking angry.

Does this happen to you? Discuss. I'd love to know I'm not alone here.

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Well, frustration is never pleasant, and it's natural to get upset in such circumstances so I guess it's all a matter of degree. I, personally, do not get upset because I have learned that more often than not my plans never go as I hoped they would. However, sometimes I do get very upset. This happened yesterday when my pdoc was supposed to call me back but didn't.

If I were you, I wouldn't be so concerned about having natural human emotions in such circumstances, but just concentrate on making productive use of that anger. And learn ways to diffuse your emotions, as I did last night by listening to music.

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I've learned that my plans don't go through more often than I'd like, too, aha, but what happens is that I get angry and I don't like getting as angry as I do. I can't control my emotions very well when I experience overwhelming anger or sadness in these situations, they envelop me and I'm a slave to them, but I can put myself out of physical reach for a while just in case. Listening to music is a very good coping mechanism, and it helps me, too.

I don't know how to control my emotions-- that's the problem, I can't regulate them very well, that's why they control me when I feel them. Whenever something bad happens, I freak right out. Irrationally, of course. Always irrationally.

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I have experienced that too - much less now, but I still get upset when things don't go according to plan. The other day I got all bent out of shape because GF wanted to eat dinner while a TV show was loading, so by the time we got to the tv show there was no food left (usually we eat and watch tv at the same time). So yeah, irrational.

I just try to use coping things to forget about the thing that's making me so angry until it doesn't matter as much. I punch a lot of pillows.

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I have experienced that too - much less now, but I still get upset when things don't go according to plan. The other day I got all bent out of shape because GF wanted to eat dinner while a TV show was loading, so by the time we got to the tv show there was no food left (usually we eat and watch tv at the same time). So yeah, irrational.

I just try to use coping things to forget about the thing that's making me so angry until it doesn't matter as much. I punch a lot of pillows.

That's a really good way to look at it. Until it doesn't matter as much. I like that. And I can relate, that sounds a lot like what I go through. Little things happen and I blow them way out of proportion. Today, I was late to an appointment and I was anxious the whole way and I got so sad when I got there, and I wanted to hurt myself somehow, but I didn't. Plans were ruined and I blew it out of proportion. It was irrational and it wasn't my fault. I'm glad you do it less now, and I look forward to doing it less too.

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