Jump to content

Depression and...penis size

Recommended Posts

So, I can already hear the laughter coming, and also, mods, if this falls under something other than depression (body dysmorphia?) feel free to move to the appropriate forum, although I couldn't find a dysmorphia section on the site.

I had an unusual childhood/adolescence, in that I never had a sex drive. I rarely ever masterbated and had no inclination of hooking up with anyone in school. Looking back now it was probably a hormone imbalance (even now in my early 20's I have low testosterone). Some people have suggested some kind of repressed childhood abuse; I don't really subscribe to all that.

I was popular and had friends, but that aspect of my life was just missing. There were times I thought something was wrong, but I was too busy devoting myself, first to school, then to my career, to really notice. A couple years ago that changed (I'm 24 years old now) : I saw the future given the path I was on, and the imagined lonliness prompted me to start exploring my sexuality. I started HRT, felt a real sex drive for the first time, and was ready to start dating. Except...I have a very small penis (4.5 inches). It never occured to me before because I was never interested in sex, watched much porn, etc.

Now to the depression: the past year I've spiralled into worsening depression/anxiety. I've been on lexapro, then celexa; they work on the mood, but not the thoughts. I take clonazepam when the pain is too much to bear. This may sound trivial to some people. Consider, however, what life is like when a normal sex life is something you'll probably never have--what that means in terms of relationships, companionship, starting a family. Sex isn't everything, but it sure as hell is important, and this is one aspect of myself that, no matter what I do, I can't change. I'm lacking (literally) as a man, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Yes, maybe I could find someone out there who could accept me for who I am, but in the meantime I can't take the rejection and humiliation. Society views men like me as a joke. I don't even feel like I'm part of the 'real world' anymore, like it's something I can't participate in: I'm living life behind a glass, and the pain I feel when I see happy couples on TV or in movies, or walking down the street, is too much to bear sometimes.

I've tried so often to kill myself, but can't work up the nerve. So I think the next best thing would be a "living death"--I just want to be totally sedated and blank. I'd really like to try ECT. I'd love to be on anti-psychotics 24/7. Psychological dysmorphia therapy doesn't work because that's for people who are normal but *think* they're not. There's nothing normal about a 4.5 inch penis, and no amount of therapy can change the laws of physics. I'm quitting my job: what use is a career, money, ambitions, life goals, with no one to share them with? Anyways, I thought I'd make a post about this here. Needed to vent; too embarrassing to admit in real life; maybe someone else out there? For the <2% of us men living with this, it is an unimaginable curse, and I think it probably accounts for a lot more depression/suicide than most people have any idea. By the way, I love this site.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 45
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I moved this to OCD because it sounds OCD-ish on some level. Someone else can move it if it'll be more appropriate somewhere else.

First off, a 4.5 inch penis is perfectly normal. Average is around 5 inches. When averages are taken, it means there are more than and less than.

Speaking from a woman's perspective, it isn't the penis, it's the guy behind the penis (and how you use it!). There are those size queens out there, but honestly, a women who gives a shit about that isn't worth your time. And to be honest, sometimes a large penis can hurt.

I think vibrators and porn give men a complex. Much like porn and the media can give women a complex.

When I was much thinner, I was obsessed with my breast size. Boobs were practically non-existent - way below the average. It hurt my self-esteem because I was teased by a lot of guys. But I did find guys who were attracted to me (I did have a nice ass back then) - they didn't care about the boobs. Even though I weigh more now, I still don't have very large breasts. Does my husband care? Not really. Apparently I'm good in the sack. And I've been told I have a pretty face.

My recommendation to you is some good ol' fashioned CBT to get the thoughts out of your head. You're waaayyy over-thinking your penis size.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm with Rowen. I've had my share of men and my favorite was a guy who readily admitted that his penis wasn't the largest in the world. He grinned at me and said "It isn't the size of the wand that matters---it's the magic it produces."

He was one of the most accomplished lovers I've ever had.

So yeah, I think you need to talk to a therapist and maybe do some CBT to replace those thoughts with more positive ones. I can tell you that a man who is caring, kind, passionate, dependable, financially responsible, patient and loving can always find a good woman. The last thing I ever cared about was his penis. I've met guys who bragged about their penis size and I would NEVER sleep with a man who said that to me.

For a lot of women, it's a lot more important what you do with your hands and your mouth, and how you talk to her and make HER feel sexy. Plus there are lots of sex toys to play with, and fun stuff like handcuffs and chocolate syrup, etc. Stop watching the porn because not that many women want to have sex the way it's portrayed in those videos. Seriously. A lot of it is a huge turn-off to women.

I've know men who were quadriplegics and still had satisfying relationships and marriages. You've got a brain and arms and legs. I bet you could learn to be a fabulous lover.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only date women now, but I have been with a few guys sexually. The most satisfying sex I ever had was with a guy that was 5.5 inches. I could have sex and not hate how much it hurt. I could get way more into it. Sure, certain positions you wouldn't feel it as much, but that's why you try many positions. Girls can laugh yeah, people laugh at many things. But as someone said, it's the person BEHIND the penis. I get why it makes you depressed...I totally do. But really, you may make sex a LOT more comfortable for a girl than a guy that's like 8, or even 6 inches!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only date women now, but I have been with a few guys sexually. The most satisfying sex I ever had was with a guy that was 5.5 inches. I could have sex and not hate how much it hurt. I could get way more into it. Sure, certain positions you wouldn't feel it as much, but that's why you try many positions. Girls can laugh yeah, people laugh at many things. But as someone said, it's the person BEHIND the penis. I get why it makes you depressed...I totally do. But really, you may make sex a LOT more comfortable for a girl than a guy that's like 8, or even 6 inches!

I am a virgin but I was thinking the exact same thing. Sex is one of the last things on my mind when I like a guy and when I talk to my friends about sex I say that I'd probably prefer a smaller penis because I'd imagine I'd be in a ridiculous amount of pain otherwise. Then again if the guy I end up ~falling in love~ with happens to have some massive penis I guess I'll just deal with it because he's a cool guy, hypothetically speaking.

But don't beat yourself up over it. It's kind of like how girls are self-conscious about their bra size. There are plenty of essentially flat-chested women in perfectly happy relationships. You just have to find the right person! That's the hardest part.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually I can add, I don't have a penis obviously, and my boobs are normal, BUT I am humiliated often because I'm 22 and look so young. I have been publicly embarrassed when I'm denied cigarettes in the store because they "don't believe it's me in the ID." Constantly I am accused of being about 12 to 15 years old, as if that's a compliment...people in their 20's kind of want to look in their 20's...it's a good time in life physically. I wonder if it keeps me from finding dates a lot, and I hate people judging me and saying I look so young. It causes depression in me too. Maybe one day I'll write a post about this, it does upset me. But when people have been with me, they say they don't notice how young I look anymore. Same with you and a girl. She won't notice the penis size anymore. In general it'll suck, but the person who loves you...it won't matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I honestly care less about the penis and more about the person. And I think *most* women do.

I mean... 4 1/2 inches is adequate to have sex. And the women with shorter facilities would probably be thankful!

And the average *is* about 5. Which means that there are approximately as many under as over.

Don't quit your job!

Don't be afraid to date. Its probably not a good idea to have sex on the first date anyways. I don't know many women if they loved and respected you, who would not take you because of your penis.

If they wouldn't, you don't want them anyways.

Keep your chin up! Have some casual dates. See if something starts up. You don't have to rush right into a serious relationship! If it happens quickly, it happens. If not, don't push it.

The fact that you are educated, have a good job, etc... that is appealing.

Don't give up. Seriously, there are tons of girls who would love to check you out! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't read all the responses. I read ladybug's and so i'm guessing that's what most people are saying. It's crazy that you posted this because my penis is also 4.5 inches, pretty much exactly. I used to think it was a horrible thing too. I did have a sex drive growing up, although I felt guilty and ashamed about it. But my small dick did make me really insecure. Now I realize that it's not very important. I'm sure that when your depression improves you will not feel so concerned with this. It really is all about intimacy and closeness. The right "connection" or mood or chemistry is so much more important to having good sex than the size of your penis. You can have a good sex life. And only idiots will view us as a joke. Some people might laugh and joke about it. But people won't think you're a lesser person because of it. And nice people probably won't make fun of you.

I hope you feel better about this soon. I assure you it's not a big deal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A couple things:

The major studies put the avg size between 5.5 and 6, with most closer to the 6" mark. While an inch, inch and a half may not seem like much in absolute terms, statistically it's multiple standard deviations away from the average. Meaning: I'm in about the bottom 1-2% for penis size, from what I can gather.

To the woman who had a boyfriend that was 5.5: there's a big difference functionally and aesthetically between 5.5 and 4.5.

The comparison to women's breast size is a false equivalency: women can get breast implants if they so choose, and even regardless, breast size isn't related to sex in the same way penis size is.

While I appreciate the supportive comments, I think anyone would have to concede that such views are an exception, not at all the social norm. Even the way some of them were phrased ("adequate"..."sex not the only thing") betrays the underlying, inescapable truth about having a really small penis.

I really just wanted to post this because I think this issue contributes to depression in a way few people can conceive. Few men can admit this to their therapists; it's probably way more common, and underlying a lot more cases of severe depression, than people realize. If you don't suffer from this, you can't know what it's like. I would bet a LOT of money that, if someone did a study of male suicides and penis size, there would be an amazing correlation. If (fingers crossed) I can someday work up the nerve to do it, I'll gladly volunteer to be a subject.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a partner with a micropenis. Like, the medical condition.

That by itself wasn't all that bad, though. The fact that he had some SERIOUS issues with sex made it horrible though. If I expressed desire, I was a slut. If he initiated sex, I was a slut anyways. His baby dick was the... slightest problem. Eventually, I left him because he assaulted me. The assault had nothing to do with his dick. His hands hurt a lot more. Heh, but what if he DID try to hit me with it? (sorry... it's funny because he had an "innie" in certain conditions, so I just imagined getting assaulted by a smelly, hairy bellybutton.)

You're perfectly fine. I know a girl who is looking for small-to-average guy to accommodate her teeny vagina. Surely, there are other girls out there looking for the same.

There's a documentary online about small penises. The filmmaker was so obsessed with his penis, he made a movie about it. You can find it easily. Just google:

My penis and I documentary

I want you to watch that, and I also think you should stop watching porn with big dicks. It's not the only porn out there.

In conclusion, I'm sure your cock is perfectly marvelous, and there's plenty of nice girls who would love to take it for a spin. When you find one, study her like a book. Every girl likes different things, so adjust accordingly. Ask. LISTEN. Tell her what YOU like, as well, because you deserve to enjoy sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Dianthus, I'm really glad I got to share here because I've had similar feelings about this for most of my life. And I feel like it's so true that my concern with my dick size was a deterrent to good sex not the actual size of my penis.

Here are some things I hope might possibly reassure you TEVA:

Olga said it perfectly in my opinion. I'll bust out some Marilyn Monroe- "If you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything". I think if you can laugh about it you're golden. You've got nothing to worry about.

Also I'll note I have a pretty awesome sex life. I love sex with my girlfriend and she loves it too. And I have the same size dick as you just to make that perfectly clear. AND it's uncircumcised which was also something I was insecure about growing up here in America. In Hindu culture circumcision is very rare so growing up here where 90% of white people are circumcised was tough. But I've gotten over that thankfully. (haha now everyone on CB knows everything about my penis... sorry if it was TMI lol)

To second Olga again - do not watch porn and think that's what sex is like. Or that's how big your dick needs to be.

There definitely is prejudice about this. I know how you feel. But now that i'm feeling better about life in general it has become a non-issue.

And btw i don't think anyone besides you said "sex is not the only thing". Everyone here seems to be saying you can have good sex and a good sex life.

Edited by reetchbeetch
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Teva, you obviously want this to be a problem. Young women, old women, fat women and skinny women have all told you here that it doesn't matter to a lot of women. You are choosing to make this a problem. If you don't go to a therapist and work on this issue, you will never have hot, satisfying sex.

And that's too bad because sex is a lot of fun and is(to me) the most intimate thing you can do with another person. You're losing out because you don't WANT to work on this in a therapeutic setting and get your head straightened out.

By the way, the sexiest part of every man (to me) is his brain. The penis is way down the list after his brain, his eyes, his lips, his hands, his chest, his butt......well, you get the idea.

No, you don't get the idea. Too bad. You came here looking for sympathy but you really don't want to hear about a solution. So go simmer in your own misery. We don't make fun of people who have legitimate problems, because all of us are mentally ill here. But if you don't want to get help, there is nothing we can do for you.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having a big dick would suck.

Unless you were dating a porn star, a blow job would only stimulate the first half, if that.

Depending on the size of the woman you were with, you might not even be able to sink in up to the balls having sex and again be stuck just having sex with half your dick.

I bet you couldn't even beat off one handed.

Me? I can be easily deep-throated, I've never been with a woman who can't take the whole thing, and I can take care of myself one handed.

Unless you're a sadist and it's more important to you that you hurt the woman you're with during sex than it is that you give and receive pleasure, I really don't get the point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am half east Indian and my penis is 4.5 to 5 inches depending on how excited I am, the weather, alignment of the planets etc.. I have slept with men with larger (up to 8") and smaller (3" to 5") and I can safely say that I much prefer the smaller variety, and I am certainly not alone on this. I like that my dick is "average" because of the reasons Velvet Elvis said - it is easier to be pleasured. Both women and I like it because it is more comfortable and easier to fit in your mouth - balls deep!

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it. There is nothing you can do to change it, and I can't see why you would want to. So you aren't going to be a successful porn star - so what? The only thing you need to work on is your perception of this, which will become easier with properly treated depression.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(Huh, din't realize Nib batted for both teams...oh well, pretty clueless here :rolleyes:...anyway...)

I've had great sex with a guy who was possibly smaller than you, and awful sex with a guy almost twice your length. Those trouser schnauzers may look impressive, but something has to be about 3 1/2 to 4 inches to reach the G spot.

Anything more is a urinary tract infection waiting to happen.

But ultimately, it's not the genitalia, it's the person women fall in love with. Are you going to fall in love with a tight vagina? I seriously doubt it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I seriously doubt it.

Have you not known many "men"? :D

The vagina is objectified, separate from the owner. Then, it is loved and worshiped as a separate entity and the owner has nothing to do with it. So yes, you can, but it seems rather odd and unhealthy.

edit: oops, offtopic. sorry.

Edited by nibblerd
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me put it to you this way - there is an old joke that goes like this.

There is a man who has a dick the size of a mushroom. He meets and woman, and the first time she seems him naked,

she says "Who do you expect to pleasure with that?"

The man points to himself, and says, "Me!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...